philosophy

Leave a comment Posted on fatherhood, new house, Nostalgia, parenting, People, politics, Uncategorized

Give Life Meaning and Create Beautiful Experiences

Exactly 10 years ago, we took a family photo to document the short window of time of the calendar year when several members of our family are the exact same age. A decade ago, my wife and I were 33, my sister and her husband were 30, and our only children at time were 3 years old.

Now in October 2024, we actually have a new pair of members to add to the collection. It just so happened that my wife and I had our second child born during the same year span as my sister and her husband.

So the updated version of the picture has now become this:

My wife and I are 43, my sister and her husband are 40, our oldest children are 13 years old, and our youngest children are 8 years old.

Granted, that will change next month with some upcoming birthdays. But for the next few weeks, we have 4 pairs of matching ages.

I just so happened to have recently stumbled upon the original 2014 picture documenting the occurrence. Realizing it was time for a “decade later” photo update, while my wife and I hosted a “Spaghetti and S’mores” dinner at our house this weekend, I made sure to do our photo updates before we earned the right to eat our delicious dinner.

During dinner, I made a toast (pun intended: “s’mores”) to our collective family of ten. I brought up the fact that just a year ago, we were still curiously toying with idea of packing up our lives in Tennessee and moving to Alabama. But in the course of a year, we found the perfect home in Alabama to suit our needs, we sold our Tennessee home, we renovated our Alabama home, our kids started going to a new school, and we as a family of four have settled into our new lives here in general.

Simply put: I am happy and I know it.

I have everything I want and need right here. And on top of that, I have the self-awareness to recognize that I am happy; lacking nothing. So I had to just say it out loud in front of my family.

That has become even more important to me as I have gotten older: If you are thinking something positive that involves another person, even at the risk of appearing dramatic or awkward, just say the thing anyway.

I suppose it goes along with the family motto my wife and I created after we moved to Alabama this year:

“Give Life Meaning and Create Beautiful Experiences”.

This phrase was born in the aftermath of me realizing more and more each year:

Most things in life that we tend to dwell on or believe are important are actually just meaningless and/or uncontrollable distractions, keeping us from focusing on the few things that actually matter.

Here during the 2nd half of the roller coaster of my expected lifespan, I came to the conclusion that I have now “deleted” most of the “apps” that used to take up space in my brain:

The outcomes of political elections, the outcomes of sports events, the news, the weather, conspiracy theories, bingeable series on streaming platforms, giving other people the ability to “offend, disrespect, or insult” me, the need to prove to myself that I am a “good person” by being overly critical of myself, the need for my personal opinion to matter to other people, the need to be “right” about anything, the need to prove another person to be “wrong” about anything, the certainty of death and the uncertainty of the afterlife… and many more familiar classics!

What’s left at this point? What “apps” are still taking up space in my brain? This is something I have spent quite a bit of time thinking about this year.

The answer:

Cultivating a home where love is obvious. Making a conscious effort to positively influence the lives of people I encounter throughout each day. Showing up, doing the work, and looking for ways to improve. Choosing to serve and trust God, since He knows what He’s doing. And just chill.

For me at least, I think that’s all that actually matters in life anymore.

 

Leave a comment Posted on People, Storytelling, Uncategorized

Most of Life is Just Simply Showing Up

There is an art to “being there” when it comes to discovering The Quality of Life. From gaining educational degrees, to getting a job interview, to meeting one’s future spouse, showing up is the most important part. The rest is just details.

Showing Up: 75%
Getting a person to show up for anything is a task in of itself. Because I am a first-born child and because my wife was born of both first-born parents, she and I have both been wired to be planners. There is a schedule and a calendar. When at all possible, we live by them.

It’s easy to get us to show up if we have been told two weeks in advance. But we’re bound to be no-shows when we’re told about an event the day of, via text message. Because chances are, we already have plans.

Anyone who has been married in the last several years surely has a fresh-on-the-brain story or two about RSVP’s gone wrong. Like guests who say they will be there, RSVP for guests of their own (which were not invited), then don’t know up at all. Even at just $35 a head, it still stings when the bill comes after the wedding.

Human presence at a specific event at a specific time is a flighty thing. More fickle and unpredictable than any other aspect of The Quality of Life. A person has to be there before anything else can happen. But once they’re there, things tend to work themselves out.

You show up to class, you’re likely to learn at least a little something.

Experience: 5%
How can one person qualify to relate to another without the minimal proper experience? Whether it’s enough work experience, educational experience, or just simply life experience, without a history and understanding that is similar, it’s difficult for people to be on the same page.

Appearance: 5%
Not a matter of physical beauty, but instead what a person wears when they do show up. In other words, I’m referring to the importance of “wearing the right costume.” Despite what our bodies look like underneath our clothing, what we use to cover our bodies up with is worth more than the money we spend to buy it. Just like a nice Frank Sinatra-style hat can make any slob look a little bit classier, so can a person’s well-presented wardrobe make anyone look at least a bit more attractive.

Not necessarily a matter of expensive clothing. Just simply the right “costume”. A good presentation goes a long way. Or at least 5%, according to my calculations.

A few weeks ago on the “makeover episode” of The Biggest Loser, I laughed when I saw Allen. He already was a clean-shaven, clean-cut man to begin with. They just stuck him in a nice suit and tie. That was his makeover.

 

Personality: 5%
People like people who remind themselves of themselves. A person is much more likely to positively respond to another person who uses the same speech patterns, who positions their body in a similar stance, who laughs and shows sympathy at the right cues, who uses the other person’s name sporadically in conversation, and who maintains good eye contact. Dale Carnegie 101.

Performance: 5%
I have a philosophy I live by at work. “Do your best constantly. That way it’s easier to have your boss never say anything negative about you during a performance meeting or mass e-mail, especially when the boss is having a bad day.” With so many slackers in the world, when a person proves that they are competent, creative, and dedicated, they automatically stick out from the crowd. Just like we are quite aware of the inflation of money in our economy, it seems the same thing is happening with work ethics.

To acknowledge I can do something better is to say that I’m not already doing my best. And sometimes, for a person to do their best means that they are meeting their co-workers’ and superiors’ reasonable expectations. Which includes not pushing the dress code, taking constant personal calls, and leaving regularly for outside appointments. And that goes back to simply showing up.

 

Random Chance: 5%
Right place, right time. I showed up to a random filming of the CMT show “Crossroads”. I had the life experience of a 25 year-old American guy and could relate to a 25 year-old American girl. I was dressed neatly (not wearing Bachelor Pants). I was friendly and confident, not obnoxious or desperate. I successfully entertained the beautiful girl who I noticed as soon as I walked into the room, while we waited in an hour long line.

Without random chance (divinely guided or not) I wouldn’t have met the girl I would eventually marry. On October 5th, 2006 a stranger would walk into my life who would forever change it.

But of course the “random choice” of her being there too that night only reflects the importance of the most important element of the Quality of Life: being there. She showed up.

People are the meaning of life. And most of life is just simply showing up. To work parties. Service projects. Family reunions. School plays. Church activities.  People tend to notice, remember, and appreciate the ones that are there in person, not just in spirit.

 

This post is based on a concept presented to me by Shawn Garbett, a guy I met at my wife’s Christmas work party. We both showed up. Our initial conversion produced this as the result.