In naming our first child, my wife and I were very careful to choose a name that fit several important criteria: a) it has to be familiar, yet not overused or trendy; b) there can only be one obvious way to spell it; c) there can only be one obvious way to say it; d) it has to be a “classic” American name; e) it has to be a strong name, f) it has to sound good with my last name(“Alex Shell” couldn’t work because it sounds like “Alec Shell”- same thing with “Max”). So Jack was the most obvious choice. But as we have daydreamed about what to name another boy if we were to have one, we’ve had trouble finding another boy name that would fit our criteria.
All I could come up with is Frank. But here’s the problem with Frank. It’s not a cool name these days. You can’t name your baby Frank. Despite all the cool, classic, all-American Frank’s in our nation’s history, Frank isn’t a cool name for a baby in the 2010’s. Even Frank Sinatra’s legacy of coolness can’t change that.
So why has Jack remained cool but Frank has not? I’ve only got ridiculous theories. But here they are:
1. Frank is another word for “hot dog”. Jack is not.
2. Not a lot of cool young names start with “fr”. Like Fred, for example. But a lot of cool young names do start with “j”. Like Josh, Jerome, and Jake.
3. Frank is pretty similar to the f-word. So is Chuck.
4. Frank sounds rhymes with both “stank” and “rank”, which indicate bad odor.
5. It’s not easy to think of a recent, young Frank who is cool. The closest I can come up with is the Jewish Frank from the Ali Fedotowsky season of The Bachelorette. But by referencing that TV show, it obviously is an indication of “not cool”. (So what does that say about me for admitting I watch the show?…)
6. It’s easy to think of cool Jack’s- like Jack Donaghy (30 Rock), Jack Tripper (Three’s Company), and if this were 2003, Jack Black.
7. I can’t think of any negative associations with Jack, where I obviously easily was able to with Frank.
8. As you continue eating leftover Halloween candy, keep this in mind: Jack O’ lanterns are cooler than Frankenstein.