dad from day one

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, People, Spirituality, Storytelling, Uncategorized

dad from day one: Clip Show

Week 16.

What is a “clip show”, you ask? Here’s how Wikipedia describes it:

“A clip show is an episode of a television series that consists primarily of excerpts from previous episodes. Most clip shows feature the format of a frame story in which cast members recall past events from past installments of the show, depicted with a clip of the event presented as a flashback.”

Lifeway publishes a monthly magazine called “Homelife”.  In the March 2011 issue, there is an invitation for readers to submit a 600-word story telling how God is working in their own home life.  And they pay $75 for each submission that is printed.  So I thought I might as well throw this into the “dad from day one” canon in the event that “Homelife” magazine decides not to publish it.

This clip episode doesn’t reveal anything particularly new to regular readers of my blogs “dad from day one” or “God-Nudged Leap of Faith”, but I see how it could be a good thing for newer readers who are just now jumping in.  For some reason, over the past couple of weeks, I have been drawing in between 40 and 100 new “dad from day one” readers each day.  So to you new readers, now you can get a better background perspective.  And for my faithful readers of nearly one year of “dad from day one”, thank you for hanging around.

Here is the story I submitted to Lifeway’s “homelife” magazine today:

“God-Nudged Leap of Faith”

It would be one thing if my wife and I had lost our jobs.  That would make more sense to some people.  Instead, we actually chose to leave behind our enjoyable and financially stable jobs in Nashville to move to my small hometown of Fort Payne, Alabama.  Yes, in this economy, we did the unthinkable.  Oh, and I should mention, we moved only two weeks after our son was born.

Why?  I guess it boils down to the universally familiar concept that when people have a near death experience, their life flashes before their eyes.  I could look back on my life twenty years from now, feeling much more secure in my finances, but my kids would not grow up truly knowing their grandparents, aunts, and uncles the way they would if we all lived in the same city together.

So we took a God-nudged leap of faith.  Since our move three months ago, we have made full time jobs out of looking for full time jobs. Granted, we both have college degrees (my wife even has a Master’s), impressive resumes, solid experience, and great personalities; but we are either under-qualified or over-qualified for the few jobs available.

In this home life of ours, time is standing still as I watch a constant slideshow in mind of my past, present, and future.  I struggle daily not to play the “what if?” game.  But at this point, it is not about the decisions that led me to this difficult place.  It is about what God can do with this situation now and how He can be seen by others because of it.  Not to mention, I know that this event will either enhance my faith through discipline and patience, or it will cause me to foolishly put faith in men who may or may not provide a job for me.

Fortunately, it is not people who provide jobs anyway.  It is not them who help me provide for my family.  It is completely God.  That is something I have begun reminding myself daily.  And in the process, I have been directed to one of God’s Hebrew names: Jehovah Jireh.  It means “The Lord will provide.”  I have been getting into the habit of praying to Jehovah Jireh, as His name specifically declares His providence.

I am not hopeless.  Yet I will personally admit that as a man who is designed to care and provide for his family, not having a job though I am fully capable and qualified, is quickly taking away my dignity.  But really, is dignity what I am after? No.

Seeking after God and only trusting in Him, instead of men or corporations or even myself, is a humiliating process.  The word “humiliating” has such a negative connotation to it, yet being humbled (another form of the word “humility”) is a necessary process in order to mature. As for my pride- it is to be damned, literally.  It only gets in the way of what God can do.

In the mean time, I get to spend plenty of time with my wife and our new son. Not every new dad has that ability.  And since I happen to be the author of a baby blog called “dad from day one,” I catch every minute of my son’s amazing and hilarious new baby tricks, so I never run out of writing material.  You know, I can see already I am going to miss this stage of my life.

Thank God for the good times and for the bad.  Sometimes it is not until you look back on them both to know which was which.

 

1 Comment Posted on Nostalgia, People, Spirituality, Storytelling, Uncategorized

dad from day one: The Return of the Classic American Father (Being the Modern Day Ward Cleaver)

Week 16.

While it is a bummer that the classic American father has become a bit of myth these days in popular culture, I can serve as a representative in “dad from day one” as one myself.

I would like to begin with the discernment of a female comedian named Sarah Haskins; I highly recommend watching this humorous 3 minute video clip regarding the following quote of hers:

“Single men in commercials look good, drive fast, and drink beer. Then they meet women, get married, and become good-for-nothing doofy husbands. And what happens if the husband tried to plant his feet and not get bullied in real life? Divorced, money split, wife takes the kids, forever in debt.”

It’s strange how I never gave it too much thought before: How so many commercials and sitcoms really do revolve around a funny yet overweight and slightly incompetent man who happened to score a thin and hot wife who overlooks his bumbling and pathetic behavior.  From Kevin James to to Homer Simpson. (Of course, I fully realize the annoying irony of the fact that it is mainly men who are writing those commercials and sitcoms.)

Yes, they makes us laugh.  But in some subconscious ways, these stereotypes of men also take power (and more obviously, respect) away from men, in general. Does anyone really care whether or not men are portrayed positively in sitcoms and commercials? Or are we just content to just ignore the occasional facebook status hype that “all men are jerks”, or best, the subliminal message that men are jokes?

As a man with solid moral principles and a backbone, I know the truth: Good men still exist.  We’re embarrassed by the worst examples of men; the ones who make the most noise and the most messes. The truth is, being a good man is everything to me. I live for being a good husband and a good father.  It’s crucial that I earn respect from those who know me.

Fortunately, my obsession of being respected as a father and husband isn’t simply my own personal quirk.  I was so relieved and encouraged when I read the book For Women Only. Here’s an insightful quote from female author Shaunti Feldhahn, explaining a major difference in the wiring of men and women:

 

“Notice that one of the main biblical passages on marriage- in Ephesians 5- never tells the wife to love her husband, and it never tells the husband to respect his wife (presumably because we each already tend to give what we want to receive). Instead, over and over, it urges the husband to love his wife and urges the wife to respect her husband and his leadership. Women often tend to want to control things, which, unfortunately, men tend to interpret as disrespect and distrust (which, if we’re honest with ourselves, it sometimes is).”

Shortly after getting married, I read both that book and its counterpart, For Men Only. Thank God for those books!  Marriage makes so much more sense after learning the unspoken things that men and women assume the other already knows on a daily basis.  But if I had to pin it down to one major thing I learned from reading them, it was that men want to be respected by their wives and that women want to feel loved by their husbands.  And more importantly, these books clearly explain to a man how to successfully express his love to his wife and they explain to a woman how to successfully express respect to her husband.

By going against so many of the negative stereotypes about men, I can truly show my wife and son that I love them. I can’t express the value of the reward of feeling like a respected husband and father. So I think if a man proves himself to be respected by people, then people should respect him enough to tell him they noticed his “goodness”, in some way. There’s not a whole lot of that happening these days.

So I do.  I take the time to tell good men that they are good.  Even coming from me, another guy, I know it means something.  Because subconsciously, though we men would never admit it, we appreciate being noticed for being the good men of this world.

I embark on a mission each new day to be the best good man I can be. And I know that the little things are the big things: Helping take care of my 3 month old son in every way I can, not leaving all or most of it on my wife, is a daily staple for me in my effort to be a good man.  I don’t want my wife to be able to joke with her friends about my shortcomings or shortcuts as a dad and husband. Instead, I live to give her every reason not to ever be tempted to do that, even for an innocent laugh.  And despite my constant strive and desire to be funny, when it comes to being a good father and husband, I want to be taken seriously. It’s not a joking matter.

Admittedly, my skills regarding home repairs and car maintenance are lacking- big time.  But I know that being able to fix a car or a garbage disposal doesn’t ultimately prove my manhood.  Being an active, supportive, responsible father and husband does.  Man was created in God’s image. Not Charlie Sheen’s.  Not Archie Bunker’s.  Not Peter Griffin’s.

Recruiting the help of my facebook friends, I tried to come up with an example of a popular American father on TV, who is recent (in new episodes since 2004) and not a widow, a martyr, a robot, or an alien.  Turns out, there was no real, obvious winner. So instead of naming who the modern day Ward Cleaver is in the title of this entry, all I could do was just generically say “the modern day Ward Cleaver”. And while it is sad that the classic American father has become a bit of myth in popular culture, I can do my part outside of my home life:

By writing “dad from day one”.  I can continue making a positive presence in the gorilla marketed world of “baby blogging”.  So it may not be as big as TV, but I still count this blog as contributing to the entertainment industry.  Not that I am THE classic American father, but that I am simply a clearly communicating representative of us all.  It may be nearly impossible to think of a respectable TV dad these days, but I know so many in real life- and that’s what actually matters.

If the respectable American father won’t show up on TV, he can more importantly show up in the real world.

Bonus:

Just to show you an example of the way it has become normal to stop taking men seriously, check out my challenge below.

You get to help me with a small part for my upcoming “dad from day one” entry…

Give me an example of a popular and current father/husband on TV who is respected and loved by his family and is NOT known for constantly making comical messes- especially when it comes to goofing up home repairs or misbehaving in social outings.  *Bonus points if the guy is not shlubby and overweight yet married to a thin wife who is smart-witted, as to humorously contrast the father/husband’s character.

Examples of who I AM NOT looking for:

Fred Flintstone, Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin of “Family Guy”, Kevin James of “King of Queens”, and Jim Belushi of “According to Jim”.

Remember, I’m looking for a current example, so Ward Cleaver from “Leave It to Beaver” or Mike Brady of “The Brady Bunch” would be disqualified.  I will define “current” as “since 2004″, which is the year Friends went off the air and Lost began.

Also, he has to be a popular character on a decently cool and relevant show.  No ABC Family or Hallmark stuff.

He must be intelligent as well as faithful to his family, but he can’t be nerdy either.  So Ned Flanders from “The Simpsons” won’t work.  Also, he can’t be a widow who is overcoming his wife’s death.  He has to be currently married to his wife on the show, giving an ongoing example of what a good husband and father is.

And… he can’t be killed off the show or marginalized in any way.  He has to be a solid, consistent character.

He is not perfect; he does make mistakes. Therefore he is a real man and human being; he is not an alien or a robot.

The winning example will be published in the upcoming “dad from day one” post (possibly as part of the title itself) for thousands to see.

Answer the question: “Who is the modern Ward Cleaver?”

Impress me, friends.  Because in all my creativity the only example I can come up with is Adam Braverman on the series Parenthood.

2 Comments Posted on People, Storytelling, Uncategorized

dad from day one: Baby Jack the Boy Scout at DeSoto State Park (Nature Vs. Nurture)

Week 15.

Now that the weather is getting nicer, we the parents are very excited about taking advantage of the dozens of trails near us at DeSoto State Park.  That means Baby Jack gets to go hiking with us.  Fortunately, he actually enjoys hiking, even if he’s asleep for most of the time.

I should point out these aren’t simply 20 minutes walks I’m referring to.  I’m talking 3 and a half mile hikes- not just easy, flat trails.  When he is awake during his hikes, he loves to look up at the blue sky, which matches his eyes. Conveniently, we haven’t had to change his diapers during these journeys.  But of course, we feed and change him right before we embark into the forest, to make things easier for Jack and for us.

I don’t know if it’s normal for a 3 month old to enjoy hiking.  But I guess now it’s normal to him.  I help create his reality like that.  It’s a classic case of “nature vs. nurture”.  I am nurturing him to appreciate nature.  And he’s buying it.

Leave a comment Posted on People, Storytelling, Uncategorized

dad from day one: When Jack Smiles

Week 14.

The first thing I do during each of Jack’s playtimes is to carry him into the bathroom and let him see the two of us in the mirror.  He looks down at the counter, then up at himself, then he looks up to my face.  When he sees me, he smiles.  Granted, he must have the memory of a goldfish right now because then he ultimately repeats this process about four or five times before getting bored and wanting me to carry him to a different room for new scenery.

It’s a fun game for me- to try to get my 3 month old son to smile.  Sometimes I get him to smile without even trying to.  Recently he needed a nap really bad.  I knew this, but he did not.  I had him wrapped up in a blanket and was carrying him around, trying to get him to stop crying and fall asleep.

I took a break by sitting him sort of upright in the papasan chair facing me while I sat on the stool for the papasan.  In a thoughtless attempt to ease him to sleep, I began singing the Christmas song “Silver Bells”, but Robert Goulet style.  He stopped crying and started smiling at me.  Then a few minutes later, he was asleep. Needless to say, I’ve sang a lot of songs Robert Goulet style since then.  If it works, it works.

5 Comments Posted on Nostalgia, People, Storytelling, Uncategorized

dad from day one: Who Jack Resembles the Most Right Now- Grandpa Tuttle

Week 13.


Something always told me, during the pregnancy, that Jack wouldn’t really look that much like me.  He inherited my gender and my dark hair (though his hair appears to be lightening up a bit), but other than that, my physical traits have yet to truly surface in him.  And it’s not that he doesn’t look like my wife- people have said they see more of her in him, yet still no one says that he absolutely looks just like either of us.  That’s because, for right now, he looks like Grandpa Tuttle- my wife’s dad.


I see the resemblance most in Jack’s eyes.  Even when/if Jack’s eyes darken to brown eventually, he still will have the eye shape of his grandfather.  Bill Tuttle, my father-in-law and Jack’s maternal grandfather, passed away just a few months after my wife and I got married in 2008.  But I am constantly reminded of him when I look at Jack.  This helps me to better understand the concept of how children are truly an extension of their family.