dad from day one

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dad from day one: Baby Bean’s Heartbeat

Twelve weeks.

We have a new doctor.  Actually, a group of them: Midwife nurses (http://www.vanderbiltnursemidwives.org/).  Things are the exact opposite as they were at the other place.  It’s so important to know that the people taking care of us actually care about us. Friendly, informative, patient people there to help us.  Last week for our visit, we got to hear the heartbeat for the fist time, thanks to a Doppler device.

Whoot-whoot.  Whoot-whoot. Like listening to the sound effects of an Atari game played in a submarine.  A bit eerie, a bit awesome.

Our baby’s heartbeat is 150.  Supposedly, that’s typically the speed of a female heartbeat.

In addition to trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I am responsible for causing another human’s heart to beat, creating physical life, I am also fathoming the thought that I am responsible for causing a soul to exist as well.

It’s just a theory, and not even an important theological one at that, but I believe that the soul is passed on through the man, not the woman.  Jesus’s father was the Holy Spirit, not Joseph.  While his mother Mary was completely human.  And Jesus didn’t have a sin nature like his half-brothers and sisters born after him.

I take a certain verse quite literally, Romans 5:12, that says, “Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned”.

Humankind wasn’t cursed when Eve ate the Forbidden Fruit.  It wasn’t until she offered it to Adam and he ate it that God kicked them out of Paradise, took away their eternal life, caused women to have labor pains, and forced men to have to work hard for their food.

From that point on, the human soul (complete with a natural tendency to do wrong) has been passed on through all generations through the man, with the exception of Jesus who was fathered by the Holy Spirit.

So if that theory is indeed correct (and no one in this lifetime can know for sure), then I accept the gravity of it, as best as I physically can: Another human being with an eternal, spiritual soul, will take its first breath this coming November because of me.  (Of course, Lord willing.)

The word “legacy” is an understatement here.

All pictures with the “JHP” logo were taken by Joe Hendricks Photography:

Blog- www.photojoeblog.com

Website- www.joehendricks.com

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dad from day one: As Long as the Baby’s Healthy

Eleven weeks.

In the history of expecting parents being asked, “What are you hoping for- a boy or a girl?” the token answer is, “We’d kinda like a (gives preference), but really, as long as the baby’s healthy”.  And sometimes the word “normal” is added on to that sentence as well.  Healthy and normal.

But what if it’s not?  What if the baby isn’t healthy?  Or normal?

A few weeks ago for my wife’s 2nd appointment, we were quite unhappy with the way the nurses and office staff handled the whole process.  They didn’t explain what they were doing; they just take a lot of blood and at the end, said, “That’ll be $492.”

And then they assumed we also would want to do the test for Down’s Syndrome, which is an extra $400.  I understand that there are people out there who would try to sue their doctor for not telling them their unborn child has Down Syndrome.  I understand it’s a legal issue.  But the way there was this unspoken assumption that we would have an abortion if the child had Down’s Syndrome… really, really rubbed me the wrong way.  It was a very impersonal process.

Tomorrow we have another appointment. With a new doctor.  One that others have assured us will treat us like expectant parents.

Whatever state of health or normalcy this child is in, I am overly aware that this human life is a gift from God, a gift we are responsible for.  A gift, that we know, isn’t promised to arrive.  Part of being an expectant parent is knowing that something could go wrong and praying everyday that it doesn’t.  But still, if our child is born sub-par to medical standards, this is still the child God gave us.

By thinking these “what if?” thoughts out loud, it doesn’t jinx or bring upon a certain situation either way.  But I do feel a need to prepare myself for the both the best and the worst.

It’s seems a reoccurring theme in parenthood is the “not knowing”.  Saturated in hoping and praying.

http://www.lifeissues.org/ultrasound/11weeks.htm

All pictures with the “JHP” logo were taken by Joe Hendricks Photography:

Blog- www.photojoeblog.com

Website- www.joehendricks.com

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dad from day one: Preparing to Be a Sleepy Head

Ten weeks.

I’m catching up on all the sleep I haven’t missed yet.

By far, the most reoccurring advice I’ve been receiving is this: “Get all the sleep you can now, because you won’t be getting much when the baby gets here.”  Noted.  So I’ve been getting to bed around 9:30 or 10 for the last couple of weeks.  My body allows me to fall asleep instantly, perhaps as a courtesy, knowing what’s to come.

If I’ve got an advantage over this up-and-coming sleep deprivation issue, it’s this: I function best on 5 and a half hours of sleep, not 7 or 8 like most people. In college, I typically went to bed at 3:30 AM and woke up at 9:00.  Graduated on the Dean’s List.

And here’s why I’m better on less sleep: I function at best, in general, when I am thrown into stressful situations.  Having a task at hand, in addition to less mental and physical rest, equals me in my prime.  Which also explains why I write “an excessive number of posts every month” (Being Down to Earth, Yet Never Really Touching the Ground).  I’m not good at sitting idle, because that’s the one thing that truly stresses me out, in a bad way (Rubik’s Cube Syndrome).

I am at my worst when I have no project going on, no deadline to meet, nothing new to contribute to society. Aimlessness and restlessness are synonyms for hell.

Of course, because I also so strongly believe in working smart, not hard (The Modern Day Tortoise), and because my organic lifestyle isn’t limited to my eating habits, we’re choosing to try an unpopular, traditional approach to helping Baby Bean sleep comfortably at night.  The baby shall sleep near us, in the same bedroom.

Because if it means the baby cries less in the middle of the night, I’m all for it.

We have some cool friends that did this with their first daughter, and not only did they have limited instances of the baby waking up and crying during the night, but now (at around 1 year and half old) she decided she wanted to sleep in her own bedroom, in her own bed.  It worked for that family, hopefully it will work for ours.

All pictures with the “JHP” logo were taken by Joe Hendricks Photography:

Blog- www.photojoeblog.com

Website- www.joehendricks.com

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dad from day one: The First Time Dad at Age 29 Club

At 8:37 tonight, I will turn 29 years old.

I can think of three 29 year-old first time dads right off.  John Krasinski playing Jim Halpert on The Office.  Zack Braff’s character, Michael, in the movie The Last Kiss.  And Kevin Bacon playing Jake Briggs in the movie She’s Having a Baby.  And now I shall be among them.

Of course, I’m not an actor or a character in a movie or TV show.  But it’s natural  to look at them and think, “Hey, I can relate to them. And if they can pull it off… so can I.”

I have a habit of subconsciously giving myself reassurance based on the lives of actors and fictional characters.  The truth is, we all do.  I admit I used the characters of Stephanie Tanner (from Full House) and Winnie Cooper (from The Wonder Years) as the standard of the girl I wanted to marry.

Mission accomplished.  My wife is a fun-loving all-American middle child from northern California (like Stephanie Tanner) and sweet, respectful, and passionate (like Winnie Cooper).  I can’t deny that my personal life is affected by fiction.

So I put myself in the shoes of the average guys I see on my TV screen every week.  I am average, like them.  Arguably normal, like them.  Clueless to fatherhood, like them.

And from what I’ve learned so far about being a first time parent is this: Being clueless is sort of the whole point.  No one actually knows what they’re doing.  It’s a character building experience, just like marriage.

I think of this banking commercial that was airing a few months back.  A first time dad brings his newborn home and holding the baby up to his eye level he says, “I know.  It’s not about me anymore.”

Yes, my life as I know it is ending.  In November I will begin Life: The Sequel.  I will instantly be transformed from Married Guy to Married Guy With a Baby.  Totally cool with me.

Because I can easily admit that the transition from Single Guy to Married Guy has done nothing but make me a better person.  I’m less self-centered and more easy going because I have less personal expectations to be met.  My expectations revolve around someone else, as a Married Guy.  I am a helper and a partner.  I don’t mind those roles.

So how much more will I improve in my journey of becoming a more giving person once the baby gets here?  I can only imagine: that much more.

Born into this world as a baby who was completely dependent on others for everything, I have spent 29 years learning to do things on my own, having no choice but to realize it’s not all about me, more and more each day.

I had nay sayers trying to warn me before I got married how much I would miss the single days of answering to no one.  But almost two years into being married, I don’t feel that way at all.  I was not cut out to be a Single Guy.  So glad those days are over.

While I am fully aware that having a baby changes everything, I welcome this change.  What good would it do to spend the next five or ten years just trying to save up money to try to afford to have a kid? I would never reach that point of affordability or personal readiness.

I was married at age 27, the average age for an American man to be married.  And I couldn’t find Internet research to back it up, but I would have to assume that it’s safe to say that age 29 is the average age of a married, first time dad.  Despite my overawareness of my own quirkiness, I live a pretty normal life.

And that’s what I want.  A normal life.  Dirty diapers and all.

All pictures with the “JHP” logo were taken by Joe Hendricks Photography:

Blog- www.photojoeblog.com

Website- www.joehendricks.com

2 Comments Posted on People, Storytelling, Uncategorized

dad from day one: How We Told the Family

Something else I’ve learned so far about being an expecting parent: People are intensely, genuinely excited when they hear the news.  Now that it’s gone viral (facebook), I have been blessed with all kinds of encouraging messages.

As well as some that crack me up:  A friend from high school said I will be a “fab dad” and that I should have a diaper bag with FAB DAD written alongside guitar-shaped flames.  And my 7th grade English teacher said, “You are like a mom… with testosterone.”

That’s brilliant.

But before the news could go public like it has this week, there was a point in time where we had to find a creative way to break the news to our family first.  It’s not something we wanted to do over the phone, if possible.

Conveniently, we had already planned to spend Easter weekend back in my hometown.  Even more convenient was that my mom’s birthday was exactly one week after Easter Sunday, so we found a way to make her birthday gift the news of the baby.

My wife found a tote bag with an insert on the front for a photograph.  With the sonogram in that slot, as well as a “grandparents’ brag book” inside the bag, we had our strategy ready.  The trickiest part was convincing my sister that she and her husband needed to be there at my parents’ house as soon as we got into town that Friday night at 9 PM.  Fortunately, she didn’t question my shady ways too much.

After the usual “settle in” conversations, I handed my mom’s gift to her, which was inside a larger gift bag.  She lifted up the bag from the bag.  It took about ten seconds.

Then her face dropped.  And the tears turned on instantly.  As to inform my dad, my sister, and her husband, my wife announced, “We havin’ a baby!”

It was everything we had hoped for during the four weeks we had to wait to tell them.  We received our “new parents hugs” in a joyous celebration.

My sister, noticing that my dad hadn’t said a word, asked him, “What do you have to say?”

He responded, “Speechless.”  And a little later: “I guess this means we’re gonna be spending a lot of gas money driving back and forth to Nashville.”  That means he’s really excited.  And again with the convenience thing, our child’s due date is on my dad’s birthday.  No way we could have planned that.

My wife had mailed a card and sonogram picture to her mom in Sacramento, with “do not open until you call me” written on the envelope.  Fortunately, it arrived just a few hours before we told my family.  So both sides of the family were able to find out the same day.

It’s not the kind of news a person can just announce to their closest family and friends through a facebook status.  It takes strategic planning.

All pictures with the “JHP” logo were taken by Joe Hendricks Photography:

Blog- www.photojoeblog.com

Website- www.joehendricks.com