songwriting

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Songs I Wrote in 2023: “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs” – 9th of 13

I am of the small minority of the people who have ever lived in the entire history of the world to actually reach the top of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs pyramid. Not to mention, I got here despite not being extremely wealthy or famous.

Therefore, it is difficult for others to relate to me in my existential crisis that I have been working through for the past several years.

Writing this song helped me at least to better understand what I have been feeling:

Halfway through my life is when I realized I did everything I wanted to do – But I am still alive – I still have so much time and clarity – Roaming the halls – I feel like I am lost in a maze – Somebody help me down from here – So I won’t be so lonely at the top of the pyramid – Like if Super Mario jumped over the flagpole and the game went on without any goals – No real obstacles – Nothing to run from – Nothing to run towards – Can I transcend myself? – Is that the next step? Do I move beyond self-actualization? Who can I teach from this? Who has a crisis where I can be of service?

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Songs I Wrote in 2023: “Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow!” – 8th of 13

Randomly enough, I was inspired to write this song while binge watching Barry on HBO; as  characters on the show referenced William Shakespeare’s Macbeth.

I majored in English in college and one of my upper level classes was studying Shakespeare. I found it fascinating that the same thoughts going through my head where already penned hundreds of years ago.

So I added a few opening lines on my end, easily making a song from the concept:

I keep bumping my head on the ceiling as I’ve outgrown this place – I’ve seen what’s behind the curtain – Things will never be the same – Tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day – I strut and fret my hour upon the stage – Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow – Life is but a walking shadow – Out, out, brief candle – And all of our yesterdays have lighted the way for fools – To dusty death and then is heard no more again – It is a tale told by an idiot like me – Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing

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Songs I Wrote in 2023: “I Feel Like I Used to Be a Good Person” – 7th of 13

As 2023 progressed, the process of writing my Enneagram book continued to help me reveal more about my perception of life. Like with the previous song, “St. Doubting Thomas”, I was in the deconstruction stage of ego death.

Perhaps that is what prompted me to mention the final stages of grief, at the end of the song:

I feel like I used to be a good person – Twenty years ago, I saw the world as beautiful – I felt so alive – That was me there at the dress rehearsal – I was the golden child – Life was wonderful – The future was so bright – I never died as a hero – I lived long enough to get old – I see myself now as a villain – Will this story have a happy ending? What does that even mean to me anymore? Looking back to when I was a good person – That was before I had a chance to crash and burn and was forced to learn – I feel like I used to be a good person – But what the world needs now is the current version – The one who can get the job done – I’m here to audition for the part of the tortured artist – What’s the best we can hope for in this life if we’re being honest? We find ways to cope – It gives us hope or at least distracts us – This is my denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance

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Songs I Wrote in 2023: “St. Doubting Thomas” – 6th of 13

As I mentioned earlier in this series, one of the reoccurring themes in the songs I write is where I am sorting the doubts of my faith.

I wish I could move past the thoughts I address in this song. Maybe one day I can, though I already know that in the end, it’s a matter of me accepting that I am not in control and there is no way to prove it either way while I am still alive.

In the end, I suppose there is ultimately a 50/50 chance of being right about my Christian faith. Despite the odds, despite my obsession with unpacking concepts through logic, I am choosing to believe:

I don’t know how to feel – I don’t know what to do with this – Will I be thrown in the sea with a millstone around my neck? I believe I have enough doubt for a Baptist preacher to leave the faith – Will I be thrown in the sea? Like Jonah, am I the problem? Is this how I touch the scars of Your hands and thrust my fingers in Your side? What’s it like to just not question things when a lack of logic is what I find? I’m St. Doubting Thomas – I’m hanging on, Lord – I promise – If I were God, which I’m not, would I make people in my own image, then set them up to fail with The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil? In a spiritual sense, you could say I’ve got daddy issues – I feel like an abandoned child held over the flames of hell like a toasting marshmallow – I find this narrative odd – Is it the Wizard of Oz back there? It’s a cryptic riddle – We’re all trapped in the middle – Should I put reason to rest and pretend?

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Songs I Wrote in 2023: “Rescuer” – 5th of 13

While writing my Enneagram book this year, I was inspired to compose a song about Enneagram 4. My son is a 5 wing 4, so I have definitely witnessed his need for a “rescuer”, though he won’t let it be me because I continually make myself too available for him.

Here is the song this concept inspired:

You think you need a rescuer – Someone to help you feel special – You think it could never be me because I’m not the one who’s out of reach – It’s a complex where you see yourself as different – Like an outsider could never understand it – But I’m standing here describing it to you – Maybe I need a rescuer too? What if all this time you believed a lie that something was missing in you? What if all this time everything you needed was never out of view? What if you only chase the things that always run away? What if you never embrace the things that ever keep you safe in this world? What if all this time I was more than qualified to empathize with you? What if all this time I could see the blind spots that covered your eyes?