People

4 Comments Posted on Nostalgia, People, Uncategorized

Facebook Friendship: Let’s Not and Say We Did

 

I hear you knockin’ but you can’t come in. 

For months now, there have been “friend suggestions” on my facebook homepage that I refuse to deny or accept.  I just keep them there in purgatory.  And the fact that they haven’t requested to be my friend yet either means that the feeling is mutual: Despite growing up together, we don’t have a desire to reconnect as adults.

The problem with high school is that we were all immature back then.  Sure we did foolish things we would be embarrassed if today if anyone remembered.  But even worse than the embarrassing things we remember which we hope no one else does, are the hurtful things we did or said to others that we ourselves don’t remember doing.

I realize that people from junior high or high school who may have spoken stinging words to me back in the 90’s or even that were just overall snotty or hateful, have grown up now, just like I have.  They get the benefit of the doubt from me that they are now changed people, just like I am.

But I can’t say the same for those I may have offended unaware.  For all I know, there are some people in their late 20’s who remember me as a jerk from when I was a teenager.  And to them, I’m still a jerk, despite the fact they haven’t been around me or talked to me in over 10 years.  There’s no way for me to know how each individual classmate remembers me.

Unless they accept the fact that there’s a decent chance I’ve matured since then, I will always be that thorn.  There will always be a negative storm cloud associated with my name.

Here’s the thing with offending people: Unless you truly are a jerk, you’re not doing it intentionally. 

And the people who tend to be the most sensitive about getting their feelings hurt are often the people most likely to hold in their hurt and let it fester into bitterness.  And the ones who remember me in less than favorable terms would be the last to tell me.

Instead, they would just turn the other way.  And not make an effort to reconnect.

It’s ironic that we can use prejudice from a person’s behavior in 1998 to determine that they are still the same way in 2010.  Because let’s hope, at least, we’re not the same people we were back then.

But sometimes it’s just better not to open that door at all.  Sometimes it’s not a matter of hard feelings, necessarily, or not forgiving a person.  Sometimes it’s just best to not to rekindle a relationship and let our best basic instincts guide us to click “ignore”.

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we’d never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we’d ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

 -“The Freshmen” by The Verve Pipe

5 Comments Posted on People, Spirituality, Uncategorized

Emotionally Charged Words: Why Certain Words are Taboo Curse Words and Others Are Not

Some words are just too dang dramatic.

Though as a human it can be difficult, with enough effort, it is possible for me to examine a word of the English language that is shrouded in controversy, taboo, and offensiveness and see past its reputation.  Because at the end of the day, cuss words, vain religious exclamations, and even ethnic/sexist slurs are simply just words.  With a whole lot of emotion attached to them.

And that changes everything.

People can refer to themselves or their friends as an ethnic or sexist slur if they themselves are the specific ethnicity or gender that the slur refers to.  But it’s a different story when it comes from someone outside the circle.  Why?  Because whatever word that comes to mind right now that I may be referring to has a lot of emotion behind it.  Not just years of emotion, or even decades, but often centuries.

Emotions born out of unfair judgment, preconceived ideas, assumed inequality, and disrespect.  Everything that is not Christian.  Everything that is instead demonic and hellish.

But on a much lesser scale are the everyday PG rated words.  Ones that have become so common they’ve lost their edge.  The first time the word “sucks” was used as a degrading adjective (instead of a common verb) on cable TV and not censored was in 1983 on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.  That was quite a big deal back then.

Now it’s 27 years later and I personally know a Christian author who is using that word in the title of his book.  A book that will be sold in Lifeway Christian stores.  People aren’t offended by the word anymore.  Not even Baptists.  But if this were 1977, that book would be having a different title.

Some emotionally charged words lose their emotion.  While others don’t.  But to ignore the current status of their offensiveness is a foolish thing to do.

I’m not good at gray areas.  Everything to me has to be formulated in black and white, cut and dry.  Otherwise, I stay out of it.  That’s part of the reason that #4 of my writing code (as revealed in Being Down to Earth, Yet Never Really Touching the Ground ) is “avoid profanity”.  Which words do I say, which words do I not say?…  I’d rather just not play in that sandbox altogether.

However, in November 2009 back before I had materialized my writing code, I wrote a series called You Just Cussed that explored the history and social acceptance boundaries of profanity.  Something I’m very intrigued by.

To avoid seeming corny, I didn’t censor any of the profanities; which in the process of quoting and explaining them all, there were more than I bothered to count.  I wanted to help strip these words down to better understand why we find them at all offensive.

But I never advertised the series.  It never showed up on a facebook link.  No one was notified through e-mail when it was published.  I was just testing it out.  So only everyday readers who happened to look at the “recent posts” panel would have even seen it.

It just never felt right, somehow.  So after about a week, I removed the series from my site.

The battle in my head: Coming across as cheesy by censoring the profanity vs. coming across as offensive by leaving all the words as they were in an effort to explain.

But now that I’ve got my writing code established, I feel at ease.  I shall officially publish the series.  Mostly censored.

Because I would rather stay true to my writing code than try to be as specific and literal as I have to be.

In the likeness of the way that Growing Pains created a springboard for Just the Ten of Us and how Perfect Strangers yielded Family Matters, I shall now use this post about emotionally charged words to officially introduce my new 6 part series, You Just Cussed.  Back from the archives and all cleaned up.

You Just Cussed: 1/6

You Just Cussed: 2/6

You Just Cussed: 3/6

You Just Cussed: 4/6

You Just Cussed: 5/6

You Just Cussed: 6/6

10 Comments Posted on Health, People, Uncategorized

dad from day one: As Long as the Baby’s Healthy

Eleven weeks.

In the history of expecting parents being asked, “What are you hoping for- a boy or a girl?” the token answer is, “We’d kinda like a (gives preference), but really, as long as the baby’s healthy”.  And sometimes the word “normal” is added on to that sentence as well.  Healthy and normal.

But what if it’s not?  What if the baby isn’t healthy?  Or normal?

A few weeks ago for my wife’s 2nd appointment, we were quite unhappy with the way the nurses and office staff handled the whole process.  They didn’t explain what they were doing; they just take a lot of blood and at the end, said, “That’ll be $492.”

And then they assumed we also would want to do the test for Down’s Syndrome, which is an extra $400.  I understand that there are people out there who would try to sue their doctor for not telling them their unborn child has Down Syndrome.  I understand it’s a legal issue.  But the way there was this unspoken assumption that we would have an abortion if the child had Down’s Syndrome… really, really rubbed me the wrong way.  It was a very impersonal process.

Tomorrow we have another appointment. With a new doctor.  One that others have assured us will treat us like expectant parents.

Whatever state of health or normalcy this child is in, I am overly aware that this human life is a gift from God, a gift we are responsible for.  A gift, that we know, isn’t promised to arrive.  Part of being an expectant parent is knowing that something could go wrong and praying everyday that it doesn’t.  But still, if our child is born sub-par to medical standards, this is still the child God gave us.

By thinking these “what if?” thoughts out loud, it doesn’t jinx or bring upon a certain situation either way.  But I do feel a need to prepare myself for the both the best and the worst.

It’s seems a reoccurring theme in parenthood is the “not knowing”.  Saturated in hoping and praying.

http://www.lifeissues.org/ultrasound/11weeks.htm

All pictures with the “JHP” logo were taken by Joe Hendricks Photography:

Blog- www.photojoeblog.com

Website- www.joehendricks.com

3 Comments Posted on People, Uncategorized

dad from day one: Preparing to Be a Sleepy Head

Ten weeks.

I’m catching up on all the sleep I haven’t missed yet.

By far, the most reoccurring advice I’ve been receiving is this: “Get all the sleep you can now, because you won’t be getting much when the baby gets here.”  Noted.  So I’ve been getting to bed around 9:30 or 10 for the last couple of weeks.  My body allows me to fall asleep instantly, perhaps as a courtesy, knowing what’s to come.

If I’ve got an advantage over this up-and-coming sleep deprivation issue, it’s this: I function best on 5 and a half hours of sleep, not 7 or 8 like most people. In college, I typically went to bed at 3:30 AM and woke up at 9:00.  Graduated on the Dean’s List.

And here’s why I’m better on less sleep: I function at best, in general, when I am thrown into stressful situations.  Having a task at hand, in addition to less mental and physical rest, equals me in my prime.  Which also explains why I write “an excessive number of posts every month” (Being Down to Earth, Yet Never Really Touching the Ground).  I’m not good at sitting idle, because that’s the one thing that truly stresses me out, in a bad way (Rubik’s Cube Syndrome).

I am at my worst when I have no project going on, no deadline to meet, nothing new to contribute to society. Aimlessness and restlessness are synonyms for hell.

Of course, because I also so strongly believe in working smart, not hard (The Modern Day Tortoise), and because my organic lifestyle isn’t limited to my eating habits, we’re choosing to try an unpopular, traditional approach to helping Baby Bean sleep comfortably at night.  The baby shall sleep near us, in the same bedroom.

Because if it means the baby cries less in the middle of the night, I’m all for it.

We have some cool friends that did this with their first daughter, and not only did they have limited instances of the baby waking up and crying during the night, but now (at around 1 year and half old) she decided she wanted to sleep in her own bedroom, in her own bed.  It worked for that family, hopefully it will work for ours.

All pictures with the “JHP” logo were taken by Joe Hendricks Photography:

Blog- www.photojoeblog.com

Website- www.joehendricks.com

Leave a comment Posted on People, Storytelling, Uncategorized

Me Likey Doggies: There is a Coupon for a Blueberry Facial for Dogs

What a strange breed of people.  Who spend hundreds of dollars to have their dog groomed, yet use a coupon when they pay.

Once a month in the mail I receive the newest issue of Clipper Magazine, which is filled with nothing but really good coupons for restaurants that we actually go to (places that don’t have a drive-thru window).  When there’s a coupon I know that my wife and I would like to use more than once, I make several copies of it on a color copier.  The 20 year-old waitresses never care, they just want a tip.  Plus it means we’ll probably keep coming back week after week.

For the past year, I have been mocking a coupon that shows up in every issue for the Nashville-based coupon magazine.  I just know I wouldn’t want to meet the person that spends $45 or more on a grooming service for their Yorkie and is excited about the “free blueberry facial” that comes with it.

Man, I would love to give your dog a blueberry facial.  Just let me grab the jam from the fridge.  My blueberry facial for dogs is free, even without a coupon.

Wait… wait.  I’m sorry.  Who am I kidding?  Who wouldn’t spend $45 or more when there’s free doggie breath spray involved.  I take back everything I said.