Enneagram

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Songs I Wrote in 2023: “I Feel Like I Used to Be a Good Person” – 7th of 13

As 2023 progressed, the process of writing my Enneagram book continued to help me reveal more about my perception of life. Like with the previous song, “St. Doubting Thomas”, I was in the deconstruction stage of ego death.

Perhaps that is what prompted me to mention the final stages of grief, at the end of the song:

I feel like I used to be a good person – Twenty years ago, I saw the world as beautiful – I felt so alive – That was me there at the dress rehearsal – I was the golden child – Life was wonderful – The future was so bright – I never died as a hero – I lived long enough to get old – I see myself now as a villain – Will this story have a happy ending? What does that even mean to me anymore? Looking back to when I was a good person – That was before I had a chance to crash and burn and was forced to learn – I feel like I used to be a good person – But what the world needs now is the current version – The one who can get the job done – I’m here to audition for the part of the tortured artist – What’s the best we can hope for in this life if we’re being honest? We find ways to cope – It gives us hope or at least distracts us – This is my denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance

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Songs I Wrote in 2023: “Rescuer” – 5th of 13

While writing my Enneagram book this year, I was inspired to compose a song about Enneagram 4. My son is a 5 wing 4, so I have definitely witnessed his need for a “rescuer”, though he won’t let it be me because I continually make myself too available for him.

Here is the song this concept inspired:

You think you need a rescuer – Someone to help you feel special – You think it could never be me because I’m not the one who’s out of reach – It’s a complex where you see yourself as different – Like an outsider could never understand it – But I’m standing here describing it to you – Maybe I need a rescuer too? What if all this time you believed a lie that something was missing in you? What if all this time everything you needed was never out of view? What if you only chase the things that always run away? What if you never embrace the things that ever keep you safe in this world? What if all this time I was more than qualified to empathize with you? What if all this time I could see the blind spots that covered your eyes?

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Songs I Wrote in 2023: “Where Are My Enemies?” – 4th of 13

At the time I wrong this song, I had not yet realized that I was an Enneagram 9. Through the process of writing my book, I suppose my true self was beginning to reveal itself.

I also feel that part of the process of maturing as an adult is to gain a healthier view of the world by avoiding extreme views and accepting the middle ground; therefore, you begin to see people as more human in the process:

I never need to take a side – I don’t need to be right – Somewhere in the middle – I’d rather keep it simple – That’s where I’ll be- The in-between – Ain’t got time for arguments – I’m making time for common sense – What a waste with these debates – Echo chambers – Nothing changes made up minds – What a waste of time – Not gonna fight you – Nor try to spite you – I’m making peace and taking names – Where are my enemies? Who are my enemies? I can’t think of anyone who needs my hate instead of love – I only want the best for you – We’re not in competition – We’re on the same team – That’s the way you look to me – My strategy is to compromise – My battle plan is to bridge this divide – Somewhere in the middle – I’d rather keep it simple – That’s where I’ll be- The in-between

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Songs I Wrote in 2023: “Apology Tour” – 3rd of 13

I spent most of 2023 writing a book about Enneagram, which I plan to have published in early 2024. During the process, I ended up unpacking a lot of personal issues I have been carrying with me. Specifically, one of the things I learned is that I have a lifelong habit of being very critical of myself, while assuming that everyone else is just as critical of me… which is not actually the case.

In the opening chapter of my upcoming Enneagram book, I began my paraphrasing the lyrics of this song:

I keep beating myself up over all the stupid stuff I did and said – You probably don’t remember it but I’ve carried this with me – I didn’t forget, even if you did – I keep beating myself up – Too much is never enough – I’ve still got one foot in the doorway – You may have moved on but I guess I stayed – I didn’t forget, even if you did – I’m going on an apology tour – Gonna make things right from my former life – Going on an apology tour – Gonna tell you I’m sorry – Better late than never – I’ll be coming to your town – Gonna turn this thing around – I’ll be knocking at your door – Gonna settle this thing for sure – On my upcoming apology tour – What if the only evidence of my crime is locked away in my mind? Perhaps a tree has fallen in the forest and I’m the only one who heard it – I didn’t forget, even if you did – Would it make me a better person if I convinced you I learned my lesson? Would you be able to see I’m a different me than the one who lived in less humility? I didn’t forget, even if you did

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Dear Holly: I Finally Figured Out Our Family’s Enneagram Numbers

7 years, 5 months.

Dear Holly,

You remind me a few times a week how tired you are of me talking about Enneagram. I can’t really apologize, though. After all, your dad just happens to be a certified Enneagram coach who is in the process of writing a book about Enneagram.

So naturally, that topic is going to come up a lot!

It took a lot of trial and error, based on multiple books, and little thanks to online tests.

But now I couldn’t be any more confident:

I am an Enneagram 9 Wing 1: Mediator leaning towards a Perfectionist.

Mommy is an Enneagram 8 Wing: Challenger leaning towards a Mediator.

Jack is an Enneagram 5 Wing 4: Investigator leaning towards an Individualist.

You are an Enneagram 2 Wing 3: Helper leaning towards an Achiever.

 

Love,

Daddy