Author: Family Friendly Daddy Blog

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

Why This Dad is Offering Free Private Advice Via Email

December 22, 2011 at 7:23 pm , by 

Let me be your non-licensed, unprofessional 2nd opinion for all things dad-like.

No matter how close of a friend you have, I still believe there are certain things you just can’t ask them because A) you know them too well and B) they know your family and friends.

I remember when I got married back in 2008 how I wished there was some random, yet relevant and normal guy who understood what I was going through, who I could easily get free advice from.

Back then, I was so clueless as to how to be a husband; knowing what to say and how to react to my wife, and more importantly, what not to say and how not to react. I just wanted an anonymous advice source.

By now, I’m much more comfortable being a husband; as I had to learn simply through trial and error, and reading clever books like Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat? and For Men Only.

I was that much more overwhelmed when I become a dad 13 months ago. I was frustrated on so many levels and wanted some invisible person who didn’t know me by name to tell me exactly what to do.

Gandhi said, “We need to be the change we wish to see in the world.” So I’m taking his advice.

Starting now, I am volunteering myself as this anonymous advice giver. In particular, my free service is for dads and moms who don’t want their problems aired publicly before critics, but who just want simple, straight-forward advice for their stressful and/or delicate situations regarding parenting.

Dads, are you annoyed by the fact that your child is so clingy to your wife all the time; causing your wife to become stressed out because she can’t get anything done? And are you beyond frustrated that you want to help your wife but know that if you try, your child will do nothing but cry for your wife? I want to help you with deal with this, but not in front of a female audience.

Moms, is your husband just all of the sudden getting angry for no reason and not telling you why? Is he not helping out enough with the baby and with cooking and cleaning? I’ll be glad to tell you how to motivate him, but not here, knowing that at least a quarter of my readers are male.

In this “online hotline” of mine, I am very serious about staying committed to it being anonymous. I truly don’t want to know you who are; not even a hint. I simply want to help people I don’t know.

If you’re interested and/or curious and in need of some “dadvice,” simply send me an email to nickshell1983@hotmail.com. Just so I don’t overlook it in my inbox, be sure to include the codeword “dadvice” in the subject line.

Image: Free Advice Via Shutterstock.

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting

4 Current Quirks of My 13 Month-Old Son

13 months.

It’s interesting how a human being who can not yet speak a complete phrase can have a personality. My son Jack demonstrates his to me everyday. I’m so used to being around him, that it can be difficult sometimes to even pinpoint what exactly makes him so darn funny, in my eyes.

1. He has the hairstyle of a German beat poet from the 1950′s. I’m not sure if that even makes sense, but I think it has something to do with a rerun of Happy Days I saw in high school. After blowing $12 on a hair cut for him a few months ago, my wife and I recently attempted to touch it up ourselves. The result: a boy who, if he could speak intelligible phrases, would definitely speak with a thick German accent and wear a black turtleneck. Or if nothing else, his hairstyle reminds me of classic Paul Simon, as part of the Jewish folk duo, Simon and Garfunkel.

2. He gets delirious right before bed time. It’s a perfect mix of unbridled excitement and insanity. Jack gets this really crazed look in his eyes that almost freaks me out. There was this one time recently when I was lying down watching him play with his wooden toy hammer, and all of the sudden he appeared over me, raising the weapon above his head, as if to say, “Hello Father, I will murder you now!”

3. He feels the need to instantly and furiously destroy any food he has finished eating.  Instead of just pushing away his Cheerios, he waves his arms across the surface of his high chair table, sending bits of cereal flying into the air. His philosophy is evidently, “Utterly annihilate all leftover morsels!” A bit unnecessary if you ask me.

4. He loves to “do Home Alone.”  Any time Jack sees someone place their hands on the sides of their face, he recognizes it as “Home Alone,” and does the action himself. Sometimes he even says “ehhh” as to portray Macaulay Culkin, though Jack has no idea why he’s supposed to “do Home Alone.” In his mind, he assumes that’s just what normal people do everyday.

I admit, I don’t know what “normal” 13 month-old toddlers are like. Jack is the only kid I’ve got. But I’m curious to know if anyone else’s toddler does anything like these 4 quirky actions I’ve mentioned today. So yeah, tell me what makes your kid weird, in a good way.

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Leave a comment Posted on Health, parenting, People

Healthy Parents: 5 Steps to Planning Vegetarian Meals

December 20, 2011 at 6:26 am , by 

13 months.

What is the proper size portion of meat to eat in a meal? In the documentary Super Size Me, Lisa Young, PhD, RD, CDN and the Professor of Nutrition at New York University explains that the federal government defines 3 ounces of meat as a sensible portion.

I knew a guy who got an app on his iPhone that kept up with exactly how many calories he ate each day, as he wanted to only consume the appropriate amount for his age, weight, and height.

Despite being very careful about his food choices, he reported back to me after a week that he was coming up too high on his sodium count each day. I suggested he only eat meat in one of his daily meals, and that he make sure the portion was no larger than a deck of cards.

He did, and that was the only way for him to consume the proper amount of sodium.

To be clear, I am suggesting that eating meat for more than one meal a day (and/or consuming more than a deck-of-cards-sized portion of meat in that one meal) is adding too much meat (and sodium) into one’s diet. So for those who are crazy enough to follow my logic on this and actually believe that information is true and relevant, I want to explain how vegetarians plan their meals; at least how my wife and I do it.

So for the meals you don’t eat meat, you can remember what you learned here today to build a satisfying and fulfilling meal, sans the meat.

1) Half-veggie, half-whole grains, seasoned with cheese. That is the formula for how we plan our meals. No vegetarian should ever finish eating a meal and still be hungry. That’s why whole grain pasta, bread, and rice (along with beans) are crucial  for making a hearty vegetarian meal. Don’t even bother with “white bread,” which  leaves you longing for more substance unless you pair it with meat. It’s like eating a Kleenex; virtually no nutrition.

2) Think of your favorite meals that do contain meat, but remove the meat. My wife and I both love lasagna, pasta, and pizza. So we make the healthy version of these foods with whole grain pasta and whole wheat dough. We pack these meals full of veggies, like spinach and zucchini, held together with a little bit of cheese. What’s interesting is that when you use whole grain instead of white noodles or dough, you get fuller quicker on less food.

3) Put together a list of your “heavy rotation” vegetables to serve as your staples. Our list is basically this: spinach, zucchini, tomatoes, onions, garlic, carrots, cucumbers, avocados, romaine lettuce, green beans, green peppers, celery, okra, and basil (which is actually an herb.) We keep all these veggies stocked every week in our fridge to serve as the “flavor” of our meals, whereas the whole grains are the “substance.” Cheese is the “fun part.”

4) Make a distinction between your main dish and your side dish(es). Much of the time, our side dish is a salad consisting of romaine lettuce, cucumbers, carrots, and Italian dressing (full of good fats from oils.) Sometimes it’s sauteed spinach with garlic and a little bit of butter. (As you can see, we’re not opposed to a bit of dairy to make things interesting.) Meanwhile, the main dish may be veggie lasagna or bean and rice burritos stuffed with veggies and avocados in a whole wheat wrap.

5) Make sure your meal has some fat in it. If you end up making a meal that doesn’t have cheese in it, make sure you throw in a whole avocado or at least some almonds. At least for me, I got to have some fat in my meal to be full. Again, vegetarian meals shouldn’t leave you hungry. Otherwise, you’re doing something wrong.

Image: Vegan lasagna rolls via Shutterstock.

 

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

“Scary Mommy” Blog Challenges Judgmental Parenting Culture

December 18, 2011 at 9:33 pm , by 

13 months.

Today my wife read a very intriguing article to me, graced from the pages of the December 2011 issue of Redbook magazine. It was written by mom blogger, Jill Smokler, who cleverly crafted a virtual confessional for parents where passing judgment is not allowed.

Her blog is called Scary Mommy. In fact, in it, Smokler has incorporated “Like,” “OMG! Me too!” and “Hug” buttons for contributors to compliment each other.

What do I think of it? I love it.

It is no secret that in the culture of mommy and daddy blogging, crucifying a blogger or commenter for being a “bad parent” is the norm. In fact, the witch hunt to “out” a bad parent has become a sort of unofficial game to many.

In Smokler’s article in Redbook, she confronts the heckling habits of many parents commonly found in the parenting blogosphere:

“So why the condemnation? Why does identifying someone as a poor mother make us feel better about ourselves? There is no trophy for best parenting, and nothing to be gained from pitting ourselves against one another.”

I’m with you, Jill Smokler.

But I have a confession to make, as a daddy blogger. Just look on the right hand side of the screen where it says “Most Popular Posts.” Two of the five spots there are probably occupied with The Half Abortion: Only Keeping One Twin and How Not to Be “That Mom” or “That Dad.”

These two articles of mine continue to engage new readers each day to The Dadabase. Yet the titles of them alone contain a subconscious message: Read this to learn how wrong or at least how out-of-touch with reality these other parents are.

If I simply wrote cute stories about my son, The Dadabase would not be a growing blog. So I try to keep the “cute stories” portion down to only about a quarter of my material; making the majority of my posts about external parenting issues, only seasoned with my paternal viewpoint.

In other words, “cute stories” alone don’t sell- they’re just the icing on the cake. As a daddy blogger, I have to continue to be engaging, and I have quickly learned that any post I write that invites a reader to share their input beyond, “Oh yeah, I could see that,” or “I totally agree,” but instead sparks them to make a moral judgment, if only in their mind, is more likely to become a hit.

So am I adding to the noise or playing a different tune? That’s for you to decide.

Image: Loser via Shutterstock.

 

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

Feeling Unworthy and Unqualified to Be a Dad

December 18, 2011 at 7:34 am , by 

13 months.

For the past five months, while driving my son home each day, he has always dozed off to the sounds of Weezer or The Red Hot Chili Peppers. I have depended on him getting that nap every day. But over the last week, that has changed.

I think it’s because of a number of things. It’s now dark when I pick him up from KinderCare, so I imagine it makes it more difficult for him to fall asleep. Plus he’s transitioning into the toddler class now. He doesn’t want to drink formula anymore, just solid foods and water.

All these changes at once are surely effecting his psyche.

So now, on the drive home each day, he cries and screams as loud as he can. There is only one remedy.

In an act which is the equivalent to me standing on the tips of my toes, I reach back to his rear-facing car seat and use my pointer and middle fingers to lightly tap the top of his head and forehead. He instantly stops wailing; becoming silent.

After my entire arm begins falling asleep, I take my hand away to let the blood start flowing again. It typically takes about 8 seconds for him to realize what has happened and then he’s back to screaming.

I can’t help but laugh. I mean, it’s pretty hilarious that my son cries as hard as he can until I start tapping the top of his head again. It’s funny how something that stupid can solve the problem; and that it’s the only way to solve the problem.

Yes, it’s ridiculous. But it’s also pretty humbling.

Though I continually am aware of how unworthy and unqualified I am to give life to another human being and soul, and to raise him on top of that, it’s little things like this that begin to convince me otherwise.

Maybe in some capacity I actually am chosen to do this job. Even if I don’t believe in myself as a dad, God evidently does.

After all, just the presence of the tips of two of my fingers dancing along to the drum beat of whatever rock song is playing through the stereo speakers is all he needs.

Literally, that’s all he needs. Every once in a while he’ll reach up and grab onto my pinky, as to hold my hand, but only for a few seconds. Then he lets go.

I know him. That’s just our shared style of father and son bonding. If he’s going to hold someone’s hand, it’s going to be Mommy’s.

Apparently, I am helping him cope with being afraid of the dark by him feeling my constant movement, as to scare the ghosts and monsters away.