Mommy and I have this unspoken understanding that she lays out your completed school projects for me to see before she throws them away.
So as I walked through the living room this week, your amazing artwork caught my attention:
You did such a good job of creating a portrait of Martin Luther King, Jr.
I feel like I’m telling you every single week how talented you at arts and crafts.
And then I looked closer, to realize that the portrait was actually stappled to a related worksheet.
I immediately figured it would be you telling about some of the specific ways Martin Luther King, Jr. made the world a better place. He is certainly one of my personal favorite heroes.
You filled in the first line by correctly stating that Martin Luther King, Jr.’s dream was that “everybody is equal”.
But then I was confused by the picture you drew of you and Mommy shopping at Walmart:
“My dream is… every product in the store is free. In my dream, people would… go to the store and pick out a need or want and it would be free. Here is something I can do to make my dream come true… dream about it.”
Mommy and I only hired a babysitter a couple of times during your entire life; most of which took place in Tennessee. We would just wait until Nonna and Papa would visit us to ever go do something fun by ourselves.
But now that we live in Alabama, Mommy and I can just go out for dinner together or a weekend trip and Nonna and Papa are here to take care of you and your sister.
This past Saturday, Mommy and I went out for dinner for Valentine’s Day, while you and your sister stayed at Nonna and Papa’s house.
I heard you did a good job of being in charge of helping everyone place their orders, as you all went to dinner at our family’s favorite pizza place: The Mentone Market.
Seriously, life is so much easier now that we live in Alabama. I am so grateful for having family to support us… and who now live in the same town that we do!
I can’t think of anything I want. I can’t think of anything I need. I can’t think of what would make my life complete that I don’t have already here in front of me. And I look no further.
That is the point I have reached in life. To be fair, it’s more than a simply accurate assessment of my life, that I suddenly have an awareness of. Just as important, it is an acknowledgement of an arrival to a destination; decades into a journey.
The first four decades of my life were mainly punctuated by questions marks:
“What will it be like when I’m not a kid anymore? Where will I go to college? What should I major in? Where should I move after college? What will my actual career be? Who will I marry? How do I be a good husband? How do I be a good father? What is the meaning of life, anyway?”
But now, my life is punctuated with periods. I don’t really have any questions anymore. And the questions I do have about life… well, no human can honestly know the answer to.
I am not famous. I am not a millionaire. Yet I have more than so many famous millionaires do. If for no other reason, simply because I am not under the belief I that I need to finish the sentence:
“I’ll be happy when…”
Instead, I recognize that if I can’t be happy in the present, I can never truly be happy in the future.
It makes me think of a movie that my wife and I watch at least once every year: This is 40.
Paul Rudd’s wife’s character sets up the premise of the movie as she explains to him:
“The happiest period in people’s lives is from age 40 to 60… So this is it. We’re in it right now. We have everything we need right now to be completely happy. We’re gonna blink and be 90. So let’s just choose to be happy.”
I also am thinking of Jewish comedian Marc Maron as he explains his understanding of Christianity, in his HBO special, From Bleak to Dark:
“Everything will be amazing… when you’re dead.”
I can appreciate his perspective. Perhaps there is too much emphasis on all of our problems going away when either A) Jesus saves us from all of our annoying problems by showing up in the Rapture, or B) we ideally die in our sleep and get to live in the eternal bliss of Heaven.
While I have definitely placed in my faith in the Christian hope that there is a much better life after this one, I have also challenged my belief system by asking myself the question:
“But what if this is all there is?”
In the event that I just die and that’s it… no further consciousness nor accountability, no memories of this life nor connection to the people I knew in it… I would certainly consider that to be a confusing, cosmic tragedy- that life was nothing more grandiose.
But if that were indeed the case, the question becomes this:
“What about my life would change right now, as I am still alive? What would I do differently?”
My answer: Nothing.
As sad of a thought it would be to never see my loved ones again, the greater sorrow would be to live this gift of a human life on Earth while not making the most of every moment and not appreciating what I do have with the people I share it with.
I think of how my daughter has a microwavable baby doll that she places in our bed to keep safe while she is away at school during the day: “Daddy, Gracie is basically a real baby.” I love it.
I think of how my wife and I set up a reservation for Valentine’s Day last week at a fancy restaurant with an amazing view off the side of Lookout Mountain… but then it was so foggy we were not able to even see anything anyway. I love it.
I think of how this past Sunday I walked into the living room to see my son wearing a monkey jumpsuit while throwing his sister onto a giant beanbag. I love it.
I think of how every morning before work and school, I see my wife and daughter having “coffee time” before the day begins. I love it.
But what I can’t think of…
I can’t think of what would make my life complete that I don’t have already here in front of me.
A week before the Super Bowl this year, we realized we didn’t actually have plans. So we solved that problem by hosting a small party at our house this year.
This is something we have never done before!
But it came together quite effortlessly.
The only real challenge was figuring out how to watch the Super Bowl on our TV. You heard Mommy and I discussing it. Less than two minutes later, you walked over to us and announced, “Okay, I set it up now.
You mumbled something about downloading an app on our TV, then creating a login and password… I think.
It’s convenient having a 14 year-old boy around!
As for the Super Bowl, your favorite part was watching Kendrick Lamar perform at the Halftime Show. Afterwards, you slept through the second half of the game.
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