songwriting

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The 12 Songs I Wrote in 2024: So Much for Enlightenment

Each year since 2020, I have challenged myself to write an album’s worth of songs (at least 12) to record and post on my YouTube channel. This year’s album, which I entitle “So Much for Enlightenment”, contains these 12 tracks which I have released on YouTube throughout 2024:

Just Passin’ Through, February 3rd, Adam and Eve, I’m Taking Over the World Today!, People Pleaser, I Can’t Sit Still, What If This is All There Is?, Ego Death, Happiness is a Choice, Give Life Meaning, Astronomy, and Watch It Work Itself Out.

Why do I challenge myself to do this? I learned during the Covid Lockdown that by composing and writing music, I am able to tap into emotions and subconscious concerns that I normally would not have access to. So I became curious to find out what is buried down inside of me and to learn how revealing that knowledge could help me understand myself and life better.

In other words, I am undeniably a poet and a storyteller.

To help ensure I write legitimate and creative songs, I have a code of criteria that I hold myself accountable to: Each song must be at least 3 minutes long. The tempo must vary from one song to the next, so that there aren’t too many slow songs. The lyrics must rhyme and contain a decent amount of alliteration. Most importantly, the content must be unique and meaningful.

A major advantage I have over a professional recording artist is that I have the freedom to write and release songs whenever I want to. I’m not trying to become famous nor make a career out of this. I legitimately write and publish an album’s worth of songs each year because I truly enjoy the process.

Even as I write this, I am so curious to go back to the beginning of this year and see what it is I learned through my own music. Here’s a look at my subconscious spanning the year of 2024:

1st song: “Just Passin’ Through” (January 15th)

There’s nothing I want I don’t already have – There’s no way to tempt me, to cause me to envy – There’s nothing to fear that won’t already happen – There’s no way to scare me, to give me anxiety – What, me worry? I’m past that point in my life – I’m not sorry – I’m sleeping better at night – What have I got to lose? It’s only mine for a while – I’m just passin’ through – Why should I be afraid? We all know how this ends – It ain’t nothin’ new – Just passin’ through – Here’s me accepting my fate – I’m ready, come what may – I guess I always knew – I’m just passin’ through

2nd song: “February 3rd” (February 17th)

I’d been awake for an hour this morning before I was discerning what day it was and realized I was in luck – Something was different – Sun was shining – Birds were singing – Got me thinking, “What if it worked this time?” – The calendar date has finally changed – I learned from mistakes I made on Groundhog Day – I broke free from the monotony – It’s February 3rd and this is the first day of the rest of my life – It started out as a comedy until it wasn’t funny – Felt like a psychological thriller and I wasn’t feeling it – Couldn’t I just fall back asleep then wake up and things would be the way they were before I knew too much? – And… cut! – Ask me about my midlife crisis – Convince me I’m not losing my mind over this – It’s what I get for asking too many questions when no one alive actually has the answers

3rd song: “Adam and Eve” (March 2nd)

If I were Adam and you were Eve, wearing nothing, not even fig leaves, I would keep you far away from the fruit of that tree – You know you’re my obvious weakness – Take me down, I’m easily defeated – I know how we should spend eternity – You have this power over me – Come bother me, baby – It’s obvious it don’t take much – You’re the real temptation I’ve got – So much for enlightenment – We’ll be fine in the dark – You have this power over me – If it were you and me instead of Adam and Eve, I wouldn’t be tempted at all by the fruit of that tree – You know I can never resist you – Always looking for a chance to give in to you – In the Garden of Eden, you’d be all I need – I’d pass at the chance for God to open our eyes, instead remaining unashamed in paradise

4th song: “I’m Taking Over the World Today!” (April 4th)

So many things we’re taught to fear, we don’t have any control of – When information isn’t clear, interpretation rules us – The bad news is there is no good news to consume when you worship at the altar of the temple of doom – Confusion is creeping in but I found another narrative – I rule reality – My kingdom is the middle ground – Hereby I am the king of who proposes truth to me – I’m taking over the world that’s in my mind and I look good in this crown – I’m taking over the world today – Gonna be some changes made – Initiate eminent domain – Stand back as I stake my claim – I’m taking over the world today – So many things we’re taught to love, only cause us to self-destruct – Our peace of mind has a price – We can only take so much – All we’ve really got are a few who love us no matter what – The meaning of life is found in the people who keep showing up

5th song: “People Pleaser” (May 10th)

You might not know it from looking at me now what’s really going down here inside of my heart – I don’t need to be cool – I don’t need to rule the world – But do I need to be needed and do I want to be wanted? Am I a people pleaser to some degree? Is it the reason that I keep showing up? Am I a people pleaser? Is it a part of me? Maybe that’s the way I feel loved? You probably wouldn’t think that somebody like me is really an introvert with an outgoing personality – It’s just the way I cope with keeping people from thinking I’m too quiet to be seen, that I’m invisible or dismissible – I don’t know if in the end if all the love that I give will be equal to the love I get – All I know is when I give, I feel connected to the universe – I started asking cosmic questions then fell under the impression that if no one seems to see me, maybe life is void of meaning – I can’t deny I feel alive and connected to the universe – For better or worse, when I give more than I receive from others – You might not know it from looking at me now what’s really going down here inside of my heart

6th song: “I Can’t Sit Still” (August 19th)

I can’t sit still – I hate the way it feels – I’m wide awake – I could go all day – I can’t sit here as time stands still – I’m outrunning the clock and I love how it feels – I allow no time for the seven deadly sins – I’m not tempted by low hanging fruit – I’m pulling all the stops and I’m picking all the locks – I’m pursuing higher altitudes – I can’t sit still – I’ve just got to move these bones – I might have ADHD and I’m finding this out on my own – I’ll sleep when I’m dead and even then I will bet I still won’t know how to rest – I always need a good challenge while trying to balance all the thoughts running through my head

7th song: “What If This Is All There Is?” (August 26th)

What if this is all there is? What if this is all we’ve got? What if we just cease to exist? What if this isn’t what we thought? Who else can I ask? Who has answers for the questions I have? No one really knows for sure: How did this begin? How does this thing end? Are we living in a cosmic accident? What if we created God to give us hope through empty chaos? With no fear of hell or reward of heaven, would the way we live be any different? What if all we have is this life to spend time with those who we would miss? What would I change? What would I say? What if this is all there is?

8th: “Ego Death” (September 6th)

I painted a picture, then it came to life – It was so real, right here – Then it disappeared – I wrote a song, then the words came true – They guided me and delighted me – Then they left the room – I played a part on the world’s great stage – My role was just an act – Then I felt betrayed – The end is the beginning – The beginning is the end – Take the time to build it – Tear it down again – Light myself on fire – Dissolve and deconstruct – Collapse into the chaos, then rise back up

9th: “Happiness is a Choice” (September 17th)

Happiness is a choice I have to make each day – Despite what may happen, the decision must be made – Joy is in my heart but how I feel is still so real – Happiness is a choice I have to make each day – Gratitude is a choice I have to make each day – Despite the imperfections that settle into place – Joy is in my heart but how I feel is still so real – Gratitude is a choice I have to make each day – Trusting God is a choice I have to make each day – Despite His higher ways I tend to pray that I could change – Joy is in my heart but how I feel is still so real – Trusting God is a choice I have to make each day – This whole fallen world condition was never my idea – Keeps it from being easy to reach a sense of inner peace – I wish that suffering was not a thing that God allowed on Earth, for what that’s worth – This whole fallen world condition was never my idea, for what that’s worth

10th: “Give Life Meaning” (November 17th)

Once more, with feeling – How do I make life meaningful again? What is truth? I am seeking – How do I make life meaningful again? A bit numb to the feeling – How do I make life beautiful again? If seeing is believing, how do I make life beautiful again? The older I get the less there is new to experience – The more I learn the less I know what to do with all of this – Seems a little empty but I know that it can’t be – The older I get the less surprises there are to see – Time goes faster now – I’m left with just memories – Seems a little quiet like something is not right – What if the meaning of life is to give life meaning? What if beauty is what I’m creating?

11th: “Astronomy” (November 22nd)

I look up at the stars and the constellations – God’s ancient map for us here below – It’s an open-ended universe – Are we the only intelligent life? All I know is God is behind it all – I look out from the Oregon coast into the ocean – I see the edge of the world but I don’t feel alone – I look out from reality into the abstract – All I know is God is behind it all – Living is random – Dying is weird – I don’t know what will happen – So much is unclear – And I’m still here

12th: “Watch It Work Itself Out” (November 24th)

Quite the conundrum – A perilous paradox – Already opened up Pandora’s Box – Watch it work itself out – No, I’m not worried – This isn’t how we go – We make it to the sequel – A future to behold – Watch it work itself out – So hold your breath and hold my hand – Watch it work itself out – If love always wins and hope expands – Watch it work itself out – Happily ever after is such a relative phrase – What tends to matter is how you live day to day – Watch it work itself out

Now it’s time for me to start practicing and learning the songs I have already written for 2025. See ya next year!

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Songs I Wrote in 2023: “Password Paranoia!” – 1st of 13

Perhaps I am accidentally becoming the official poet laureate of your social media circle, if you’re reading this now.

Something multiple people have told me this year is this: “Your songs seem a lot like poems, actually.”

I have been writing a minimum of a dozen songs each year, ever since 2020. I realize now that it has become, and still is, my way of providing therapy for myself, as I openly admit I am exploring my way through my midlife crisis/existential crisis.

There is undeniably something consistent in my ability to extract my subconscious thoughts, concerns, and fascinations when I make the effort and take the time to write a new song.

By composing chord progressions, curating melodies, and writing down lyrics, I discover what is needing to be revealed from the inside. Sometimes it’s simply a nuance or trend I am noticing about culture. Other times, I learn a fundamental aspect about how I perceive the world, that I could not have otherwise known.

As I close out 2023, I feel it is important for me to analyze the meaning and inspiration behind each song I have written this year.

The first is “Password Paranoia!”. After I wrote this song, I realized this is a universally relevant concept right now. As a society, we indeed have a collective anxiety about feeling locked out of our own lives, thanks to modern technology.

A common theme in so many of my songs from these past several years is my honesty about having doubts in my faith but choosing to talk through them and ask difficult, uncomfortable questions. Even in this somewhat lighthearted song, I still make a reference to my back room fear that I am still not capable of knowing God.

Stay tuned, as I will be posting my remaining 12 songs throughout December 2023.

As for now, here are the lyrics to “Password Paranoia!”:

I read the book – I saw the movie – Binge-watched every episode of the series – I took notes, then from them I wrote a great dissertation – I’m standing in line at the gates of Heaven – Can’t figure this out on my phone as I’m trying to get in – Downloaded the app but still I find myself in this awkward situation – Am I logged in to a different account? I can’t figure it out – This CAPTCHA’s confusing me now – Am I human enough? Artificial intelligence is the judge – Did I get this far to mess it up? What’s my login? What’s my password? What’s my identity anymore? Where’s my way in? What’s this all for? I wish the search for security didn’t make me feel so insecure of my own existence – Can you blame me? I’ve got password paranoia! Can I cash in these points? I did enough to earn them – Turned in my receipts, logged it in to the Excel spreadsheet – Linked it to all my social media accounts – Am I still missing something? Can I cancel my subscription? This process is cryptic – Will you accept my resignation? It should be simple – Why does it feel I’m locked out? Like I’m not allowed into my own life

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“Tripping on Existence” – Song 2 – Enneagram 6 Songwriter – Analyzing Lyrics – Themes of Belonging and Security

In my 2nd song, we see an official embracing of the “counterphobic” aspect of my Enneagram 6 personality; identifying as a person who faces my fears, instead of running from them. Specifically, I am disassociating myself from the general population of people who I realized I no longer needed to give my time, energy, money, emotions, and attention to.

It was me officially and knowingly beginning my journey of emotional intelligence.

I recorded this song on October 28th, 2019. At that point in my life, both my salary and my wife’s had doubled; as we had both began working at different employers.

We had recently paid off all our debts and moved into a brand-new, bigger house in the perfect neighborhood. For the first time in my marriage and career, we were not in debt.

These events triggered an “existential crisis”, which I am still working through. Since then, I have felt like I suddenly climbed to the top of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs pyramid.

Granted, much of my identity will always be wrapped up in “love/belonging”. But ultimately, I have been living in the “self-actualization” phase for a few years now.

The lyrics of “Tripping on Existence” serve as a clear realization of my sudden introduction of my existential crisis- or as some would say, “mid-life crisis”:

“Hi, I don’t care, thanks – I unplugged from existence, at least the version from before – I switched of the breaker – I don’t care if I’m hated, or even worse ignored – I wish I was here – I’ve been gone too long, I’ve begun to disappear – I can’t relate – I’ve seen too much, this is my escape – The best way to explain this: I’m tripping on existence – A dream inside a dream – An alternate dimension – I guess that I should mention – You can borrow my spare key – I am phoning home – But years have passed, now the number’s changed – So what happens next? Expect a reboot, then get born again”

So looking back on this song I wrote nearly 4 years ago, can you see the Enneagram 6? Can you see my longing for security and confirmation of my own existence?

Feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

And now you can listen to the song, below, if you wish:

 

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“Maybe It’s a Dream” – Song 1 – Enneagram 6 Songwriter – Analyzing Lyrics – Themes of Belonging and Security

Since 2014, I have written over 60 songs that I have published on my YouTube channel.

This past year, I dove deep into understanding myself better than I ever have before. I became certified as an Enneagram coach, which has ultimately been my own personal equivalent of experimenting with a revealing psychedelic like ayahuasca.

I am officially a Counterphobic Enneagram 6 Wing 7, Sexual/Social Subtype.

Ultimately, here’s the breakdown: I find meaning in life by seeking security through building and maintaining relationships with people; which ultimately makes me feel like I exist. I am constantly looking for what might go wrong with the situation, so that I can either prevent it, or go down with the ship and learn from it. And despite living in constant anxiety, I face my fears head on. I am the loyal skeptic, which is ultimately a paradox: Both an introvert and extrovert; both a pessimist and an optimist.

So in addition to now understanding my fundamental psychological operating system, there is also the fact that when I write a new song, it draws out of me, subconscious thoughts I am often not aware of.

I am excited and curious to start turning my lyrics inside out. Let’s start with the very first song I published on my YouTube channel: “Maybe It’s a Dream.”

I originally wrote it on January 11th, 2014; when I was 33 years old. However, I didn’t actually record it until April 16th, 2018; just 4 days before my 37th birthday. (I’m 41 now.)

In hindsight, I don’t like the way I performed this song. The key is too low and I over-pronounce the words.

But ultimately, through this new series of unpacking the psychology of all the songs I’ve written, one by one, I want to finally focus on the true poetry of my lyrics, as opposed to simply the musical aspect.

Here are the lyrics to “Maybe It’s a Dream”:

I am a skeleton with meat on my bones – I walk around with secrets nobody knows – I am a figment of my own imagination, I bet – It’s all, it’s all, in my head – Seven billion people ride a planet that spins – A thousand miles an hour and I’m just one of them – Another stranger who’s no stranger than all the rest – It’s all, it’s all, in my head – It feels like no one knows me anymore – And I start to think that I’m safer when ignored – My head’s in the clouds but my feet are on the ground – So tell me now, where can I be found? It’s like a dream where I can’t stop falling from the bottom to the top – Maybe it’s a dream where I’m drowning out a sea – I’m coming up for air – But is this even real? My thoughts are captive and I’ve swallowed the key – I’ve locked myself out of the world so it seems – My perspective of reality will die with me – It’s all, it’s all make believe – With these distractions it’s so hard to exist – It’s survival of the mentally fittest – I’m still standing here so I guess I know that this means – It’s all, it’s all in my head 

So looking back on this song I wrote nearly a decade ago, can you see the Enneagram 6? Can you see my longing for security and confirmation of my own existence?

Feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

And now you can listen to the song, below, if you wish:

 

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Dear Jack: The Special Song I Wrote for You for Your 11th Birthday- “Have a Good Life”

11 years old.

 

Dear Jack,

We had a spend-the-night birthday party for you the weekend of Halloween.

As I watched you interact with the four friends you chose to stay over, I felt like I was literally watching you grow up.

It inspired me to write this song- just for you:

I want you to have a good life/I want yours to be even better than mine/I’ve watched you travel through time/I’ve been beside you, tried to guide you through this ride you take me on/Have a good life, even better than mine

I can always remember when I was your age/Thirty years’ difference though most is the same/ I’ve been where you are, it’s really not that far/Every year of your life I put myself in your place/ So familiar it’s strange, though the backdrop has changed/I’ve been where you are, it’s really not that far

No one can love you the way that I can/I look at you and I see who I am/Half of you is me and will always be/When I move on to the life after this/Remember my love for you all of these years/Half of you is me and will always be

Love,

Daddy