We Moved to Alabama Exactly a Year Ago

For most of my life, I subconsciously hoped that somehow I would find access to a time machine. That way, I could go back with what I know now and change my future; ensuring that I would live the best possible version of my life.

But now, at age 44, I no longer feel that way. There is no need nor desire to go back in time. Instead, I can move forward with the rest of my life, with what I know now and live the best version as it is; as it has already become.

It didn’t take a time machine to get me to this conclusion, though. Instead, it took me moving my family three hours away.

Has it already been a year since our family moved from Tennessee to Alabama? The answer would be a surprising… actually, yes.

It was Memorial Day of last year that I drove that giant moving truck over the mountain and then we officially moved our belongings into our freshly renovated “new” Alabama home.

And now, a year later, I can confirm that us moving here has been one of the biggest and best decisions I have ever made. Our lives are collectively less stressful and more meaningful.

The way I would like to phrase it is this:

We left behind a “hustle and bustle” lifestyle in the Nashville area that was swirling in chaos, conflict, and emotional turmoil. That was just the norm there.

Now compare that to our “quiet” lifestyle here in my home town that is identified by being calm, stable, and settled.

Specifically, something I am able to pinpoint is that here in our new version of life together as a family, we are more emotionally connected with not only each other, but those all around us as well.

My joke of a New Year’s Resolution back in January was to “become more vulnerable and more in touch with my emotions.” Well, that’s exactly what has happened to me since we moved here. I now realize one of the underlying secrets about how life works:

That as human beings, our most fundamental currency is emotional connection.

But how does one obtain this so-called “emotional connection”? Here is what my new life in Alabama has taught me:

Slowing things down enough to be not only ask questions that mutually build emotional intimacy, but also being mutually emotionally vulnerable to answer those questions.

Instead of, “How was school today?”, the question becomes, “What was something that challenged you today?”

It’s about creating space for the other person to feel safe enough to describe how they actually feel and then hold up a mirror to that emotion for them to reflected back.

If it’s sadness, validate that emotion without trying to cheer them up.

If it’s excitement, validate that emotion without downplaying their reasoning as mediocre.

We are all emotional people. This is what actually connects us.

As for myself, I realized this year that I am actually more emotional than most people, I just didn’t have the environment nor ability to recognize it until now.

I needed to move here for that truth to become apparent.

So now, I get to live the rest of my quiet life in Alabama with my family, knowing that what we were missing before was the time and space to be emotionally connected.

I now let go of any fantasy of getting my hands on a time machine.

Dear Holly: Your 1st Week at Our New House in Alabama

8 years, 2 months.

Dear Holly,

We’ve now completed living our first week in our new home in Alabama.

Despite our house currently existing in a constant state of unpacking, with gaps in between boxes and furniture serving as a maze of makeshift hallways from room to room, you haven’t seemed to mind at all.

Maybe by the end of the summer, this will feel like our actual home.

But you said it best after our 2nd night here: “Daddy, it feels like we’re on vacation… like we’re staying in a hotel or something.”

It’s funny, because I was thinking the same thing.

 

Love,

Daddy

We Are Not “Settled” in Our House Yet… But We Did Sell our Tennessee Home

As I am now regularly seeing people in Fort Payne (I have recently moved back exactly 25 years after graduating high school from here), the immediate question I get is an optimistic, “Are you all settled in now?”

I then explain that we are still waiting on the cabinets to be fully installed and we are also finishing up some of the bathroom renovations.

The next question: “Well, are you at least moved in to your new house?”

I again disappoint by answering that we still have our belongings split between our new house and my parents’ house.

The third question is now less enthusiastic than the first two: “Do you know when you might be able to move in?”

I turn the question back on them: “I was hoping you could tell me, actually?”

In a last ditch effort to obtain some kind of hopeful response from such a realistic narrator, the final question: “Did you at least sell your house in Tennessee?”

And with that, I get to officially give a confident and direct answer: “Yes we did! Last week, we paid $150 for a mobile notary to drive to our house so we could sign the papers to complete the sale- and to prevent us from having to drive back to Nashville.”

Now, if you’re looking for a more humorous version of that answer, then I would go on in detail to tell it like this:

It mattered to me that that whoever ended up buying our home was worthy. We not only invested in major upgrades each year, but we also took immaculate care of it: No smoking, no dogs, no cats, and no shoes on in the house.

There was surely some psychology involved in our decision a few years ago when we decided to get all new flooring in our Tennessee home; that the entire stairway and upstairs floor would exclusively be white carpet.

When you have white carpet in your home, with kids, it means that by default, you have to hold yourselves to a higher standard as the homeowners to take especially good care of it.

Therefore, we made it a rule that that anyone who came to see our house to potentially buy it had to take off their shoes at the front door. The thing is, we couldn’t enforce that since they were visiting our home while we were not there.

So starting with the very first visitors, I carefully surveyed all the white carpet to look for any evidence of shoeprints.

And sure enough, the very first visitors definitely wore shoes on our white carpet despite.

It was the ultimately betrayal. I felt like Willy Wonka when Charlie didn’t give back the Everlasting Gobstopper at first…. like Michael Scott when he thought Jan cheated on him… like Larry David when he discovers a person doesn’t use drink coasters… like Chris Harrison realizing some of the contestants might not be there for the right reasons. In the likeness of that classic Seinfeld character we all know, I angrily muttered to myself, “No house for you!”

I immediately announced to my wife and our real estate agent, that whoever visited our house just now, I know for a fact: They are not serious about buying our house. Next!

Of course, I was right.

Like Jason Segel in I Love You, Man… I had easily and accurately predicted that person was not serious about buying my house.

Beginning with the 2nd visitor, our agent sent us a box of shoe covers for everyone to wear to place at our front door.

Fortunately, we only had to show our house for one week before the right buyers came along. I was relieved because I work from home; meaning I had to magically disappear for an hour when I received the 2 hour notice that new visitors had scheduled a viewing. It only took 5 viewers seeing our house in that one week for the right buyer to make an offer.

But yes, we now officially sold our house in Tennessee. The money has been transferred to our account.

So despite the ongoing ambiguity of when we are finally going to move into our Alabama home, and thereafter, actually “settle in”, we can at least check one more huge item off the list:

We sold our Tennessee home for about double what we paid for it 9 year-and-half years ago and our house only had to be on the market for one week and have 5 viewers.

If I wasn’t so distracted by the remaining renovations on our Alabama home, I might actually be able to a moment to celebrate that!

Officially: Our goal is to officially move in this weekend, making it exactly 4 weeks that we have lived with my parents during the transition.

Dear Jack: Moving Day

13 years, 6 months.

Dear Jack,

Last Friday, your best friend Landon showed up to say goodbye, as his dad and I loaded up the moving truck for our move from Tennessee to Alabama.

I am fully confident the two of you will not grow distant after our move. After all, his entire family drove to Alabama for my 40th birthday party, back when we only had known his parents for a week or so.

Though it happened too quickly for me to capture it on camera last Friday, I did witness what I perceive as the first and only time the two of you hugged.

Because, you know… it’s a guy thing. Gotta play things cool.

Love,

Daddy

Dear Holly: Your Last Day as a 2nd Grader in Tennessee

8 years old.

Dear Holly,

Today I walked you home from 2nd grade for the final time. Not only was this your last day of the school year, but it was also your last day of school in Tennessee.

This weekend, our family is officially moving to Alabama!

Mommy and I will be picking up the moving truck tomorrow.

Despite all the boxes we’ve already moved to our new house in Alabama, we still have a living room full of more to move out… plus all of our furniture!

You were proud to get your new summer shoes in the mail this week: Pink slip-on Chuck Taylors.

New shoes, new house, new school, new state…

Your life is about to change in a big and exciting way.

Love,

Daddy