funny

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting

The Bookworm In My Back Seat

April 25, 2012 at 11:11 pm , by 

17 months.

Jack loves reading. In other words, he loves looking at the pages of a book for the purpose of identifying the animals so that he can make their appropriate sounds.

The book he is currently obsessed over isThe Beginner’s Bible; a children’s cartoon version of the stories in the Bible. Why does he insist of reading it all the way to daycare and back everyday? Because he’s just that spiritual of a toddler? Or…

To practice his animal sounds.

A couple of minutes into the car ride each day, I hear “Sssssss…”. That means Jack sees a picture of Satan, as a serpent, tempting Adam and Eve with the forbidden fruit.

Five minutes later, it’s “Bzzzzzz…”. Yeah, that’s the Seven Plagues on Egypt; the gnats and lice to be exact.

I’ll hear various spurts of “Pffffttt…”. That would be Jack’s very impressive impression of what a camel sounds like: There are plenty of random pictures of men riding camels throughout the book.

Eventually I hear “bah-bah,” Jack’s version of a donkey, which means Jesus is making his triumphal entry into Jerusalem… on a donkey, of course.

And then for the rest of the book, there aren’t so many animals anymore; mainly just bearded men in robes talking to each other.

Each time Jack gets to this point, he just starts laughing.

It took me a solid week to figure out what was so funny. I’m pretty sure it’s because Jack has never seen a man in real life with a big bushy beard.

So he’s laughing at the brown sheep’s butts on men’s faces. Or, beards, as we recognize them in the non-cartoon world.

Yes, my toddler son leads his own Bible study twice a day in the back seat of my car. Technically.

Welcome to Back Seat Baptist Church.

 

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting

My Toddler Son: The Would-be Nudist

April 17, 2012 at 10:49 pm , by 

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, People

My Son Likes To Chill Out In The Fridge

April 12, 2012 at 8:49 pm , by 

16 months.

I’m not endorsing letting toddlers play inside refrigerators, but I am admitting that my son likes to chill… by sitting on the inside ledge of the refrigerator.

After I bring him home from daycare and he eats his dinner, Jack has a routine of playing with each of his toys from the living room.

One of his newest favorites is his Fisher-Price lawnmower. He likes to mow the kitchen floor as my wife prepares our dinner.

Of course, like most hardworking toddlers, he treats himself to a much needing break.

As soon as my wife opens up the fridge for some ingredients, Jack seizes the opportunity and plops himself down; always mesmerized by whatever products happen to be sitting there on the bottom ledge of the door.

He makes me think of an old man wearing overalls who walks into a general store as if to say to himself, “Ah, think I’ll just rest here a minute and take a load off.”

By this time of day Jack is just wearing a diaper and a t-shirt and it’s interesting to me that he is always unfazed by the coldness of the surface he is sitting on.

After a minute or so, he grunts his way back up and finishes his job with the mower.

I guess the funniest part about this daily routine is that as his parents, my wife and I completely go along with it; causing him to think it’s completely normal to mow the kitchen floor then take a rest inside the refrigerator.

Yes, it’s scary to think how a big part of my job as his parent is to teach him what is normal.

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting

Cleaning Up Your Kid’s Vomit: A Parent’s Rite Of Passage

April 10, 2012 at 11:43 pm , by 

16 months.

It’s hard to believe that my kid is nearly a year and a half and he just now threw up for the first time. That’s pretty weird, right?

Granted, when he was an infant, he would spit up a little milk occasionally. But in general, he would drool more than he ever spit up.

But last Thursday, during a night we really needed some extra sleep because of the drive the next night to Alabama for Easter, we heard a sudden cough, then a [splat!] from the other bedroom.

Fortunately, my son was cool about it. He only puked directly on his blanket in his crib; then directly into the bathtub.

He didn’t vomit on me, nor my wife; at least not directly. And man, the carpet in his room was all clear too. Such a considerate 16 month-old I have.

Just to make sure we knew what we were doing, he waited about 10 minutes after we got him all cleaned up and back to bed before he did the exact same thing again.

Oh yeah, and I didn’t mention: It was all spaghetti.

There’s something about cleaning up the vomited version of a food that causes you to never see it the same way again.

I say that, yet this morning my wife asked me:

“For lunch today, do you want to take the rest of this spaghetti- the kind that Jack got sick from?”

The answer was yes. That was indeed what I ate for lunch today; only I didn’t get sick.

I am Dad; the janitor and the human garbage disposal.

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting

Yo Gabba Gabba! May Induce Hypnotism, Evidently

April 10, 2012 at 10:16 pm , by 

16 months.

Though I am intentionally keeping Jack from regularly watching TV until he turns two years-old, because I believe in the theorythat it is linked to Autism, I really really look forward to the day that he and I can watch some cool shows together. Just about a half a year from now…

So I’m currently in the process of scouting out shows for he and I to enjoy together, as a I scroll through the children’s section of Netflix’s instant streaming on my Wii.

My favorite so far is Yo Gabba Gabba! It is surreal, extremely repetitive, and saturated in techno music. While watching this show, I make it a personal goal of mine not to get hypnotized by DJ Lance Rock and friends.

As for my only niece on my side of the family, she wasn’t as successful to resist as I have been.

While spending Easter weekend in Alabama with my family, I told my sister she had to watch to first episode ofYo Gabba Gabba!

Her husband watched Jack play on the living room floor as I held their daughter Calla in my lap, who was curious to catch a glimpse of the show.

Calla has a reputation for not easily taking naps during the day. From what I’ve observed, she has to be held and rocked to fall asleep.

So it was very strange for my sister to watch this happen:

She ended up sleeping in this awkward face-down position for about 20 minutes. I wish I could give Yo Gabba Gabba! all the credit, but I should take some for myself. I’m thinking that my “manly musk” is part of the comfort in helping my niece enter Slumber Land.

I naturally smell like an enchanted forest. Sort of like the one featured on Yo Gabba Gabba!