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Mommy, Is “Tight Schedule” A Nice Word?

January 14, 2014 at 9:47 pm , by 

3 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

You are in a stage right now where you’re having a lot of fun learning which words are “nice words” to use.

“Is ‘tight schedule’ a nice word, Mommy?” you sincerely asked her this weekend.

Shortly afterwards, you asked me if “keyboard” is a nice word.

I taught you that “eyeball” is not a nice word in some cases; such as calling your friend Madison one at school.

After watching The Little Engine That Could, on Netflix, you picked up the phrase, “What the heck?”

It seems like such an innocent phrase until you hear a 3 year-old say it.

So Mommy and I have taught you to replace “heck” with “world.”

Right now it’s all about teaching you which words are “nice words.” The funniest thing, is that in the process, you’re asking Mommy and me about neutral words.

Similarly, you try to use this same concept on me.

For example, I could ask Mommy if there is any French toast left from Sunday.

You would warn me:

“Daddy, “French toast” is not a nice word! We don’t say that word.”

I see how for you right now, you honestly don’t know which words you’re allowed not to say yet; until after you’ve said them. Therefore, I guess you assume that I also use words in front of you that I shouldn’t.

I do, it’s just that I mumble them in a way that only Mommy can understand them.

Like the word “gun.” Or “dead.” To me, those are words that I purposely try to shield you from- for the time being.

In my opinion, you’re not ready to learn about guns or death. Or Guns N Roses.

So for now, I will mumble what I don’t want you to hear. Meanwhile, you will continue asking me if nearly every random noun is a nice word or not.

 

Love,

Daddy

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I’ve Heard Of Sleepwalking, But… Sleep-Eating And Sleep-Playing?

January 4, 2014 at 10:19 pm , by 

3 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

On the way back from spending Christmas at Nonna and Papa’s house, a very peculiar thing occurred in the car, which happened to be the Lexus LS 460 that I was reviewing last week.

You had fallen asleep with a snack bar in your hand.

An hour later, your hand moved, causing you to subconsciously grasp the snack bar again and bring it to your mouth.

About that time, Mommy whispered my name and told me to give her the camera.

Between the two of us passing the camera back and forth to each other, we were able to capture a 6 frame historical timeline of you going from A) being a asleep, B) rediscovering your snack, C) eating your snack in your sleep, and D) waking up because you ate the snack bar.

I don’t want it to seem like this was a matter of a few seconds, because actually, it was a span of over severalminutes!

Maybe I should start leaving a snack up by your bed at night, so if you get hungry in the middle of the night, but don’t want to bother actually waking up, you could just reach over and enjoy a snack.

Mommy and I have also caught you sleep-playing with your toys.

It’s kind of freaky, actually, to know that we put you to bed hours prior, yet there you are laughing and narrating what Mater and Donatello are doing.

The couple of times it’s happened, when we step into your room to check on you during the middle of it, you seem just as confused as we are.

I’ve heard of sleepwalking before, but never sleep-eating or sleep-playing.

As for me, if I could sleep-work, I would be happy. It’s so hard forcing enough time into my schedule to get everything done.

Then again, if I could sleep-sleep, that would be even better.

Okay, I’m going to bed now.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Disclaimer: The vehicle mentioned in this story was provided at the expense of Lexus, for the purpose of reviewing.

P.S. Here’s a collection of my Toyota family reviews so far; just click on title to read the full story:

2014 Lexus LS 460: 2014 Lexus LS 460 Review, From The Dad’s Perspective; Journey To Howard’s Chapel (The Church Built Into A Rock); Ironically Driving A Lexus To See A Dinosaur Named Junkasaurus Wrecks; What Parents Do When The Kids Are Asleep With The Grandparents; Grandma Regifts As-Seen-On-TV “Perfect Polly” To Great-Grandson; I’ve Heard Of Sleepwalking, But… Sleep-Eating And Sleep-Playing?

2013 Avalon Hybrid: 2013 Toyota Avalon Hybrid Review, From The Dad’s Perspective; A Family That Recycles Together Doesn’t Decompose

2013 Toyota Rav4: 2013 Toyota Rav4 Review, From The Dad’s Perspective

2014 Toyota Tundra: Dad Gives 3 Year-Old Son A Monster Truck For Birthday… Sort Of; Nashville Dad Introduces 3 Year-Old Son To Country Music; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Build-A-Bear; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Little River Falls, AL; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Mountain Driving; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Canyon Land Park; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Canyon Mouth Park

2013 Toyota Sienna: We’re Ready For A Family Road Trip… Minivan Style!; It’s Officially Cool To Drive A Minivan Now

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Grandma Regifts As-Seen-On-TV “Perfect Polly” To Great-Grandson

January 2, 2014 at 9:22 pm , by 

3 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

On Christmas Eve, we took you to go visit one of my grandmas; Nonna’s Mama.

Though you’ve visited her throughout your life, I feel this time was when the light really came on for you, as you curiously confirmed what I explained on the way there:

“Your Grandma is Nonna’s Mama?” you asked.

I see how you are starting to process the concept that a family is more than just a Daddy and a Mommy and a kid.

Also as of recent, you are understanding a family can be less than that, too, as you explained to me one of the characters of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, via Netflix:

“That owl doesn’t have a Mommy. He just has a Daddy.”

We took my Grandma a special Christmas gift,Perfect Polly; which is a “lifelike parakeet” that “never needs feeding.”

(Every time we go to see my Grandma, she always talks about how much she enjoys looking out her window and watching the birds eat seeds from the feeder.)

However, my Grandma instantly offered Perfect Polly to you…. and you gladly accepted. For some reason, you renamed the plastic bird “Sherry.”

Seriously, how random is that? Who would you even know with that name? That’s like naming a bird “Linda” or “Tammy” or Brenda.”

Just like how I started recently making you photo collages to accompany these letters I write you, I noticed that my Grandma keeps a photo collage of family next to her on her bulletin board; many of the pictures being of our family over the years.

Granted, you’re 3 years old, and your attention span is only so long. So after a little while, you and your cousin Calla decided to comb the halls with Papa, in a community wheelchair you found.

Of course, to you it’s not a wheelchair; it’s probably a monster truck, somehow.

I’m glad we got to see my Grandma. I want you to remember her.

Even if you spent half the time playing in the hallway, at least you did get to speak with her and she was able to see how big you’re getting.

After we left, we took you and “Sherry” to go see some Christmas lights in the Lexus LS 460 we were driving for the week; for my car review I was working on.

This Christmas we didn’t really venture too far into the Santa Claus aspect of things.

It was almost like you weren’t quite ready for that.

I feel that we kept things a bit simpler. Our Christmas holiday was more about spending quality time with family.

Speaking of, you were quite fascinated by our fancy ride in the Lexus as we drove through one of the biggest Christmas light displays I’ve seen in a while.

As Nonna put it, “This is like being in our own limo!”

You even got to see Mickey Mouse! (The blurry red figure in the upper left side of the collage.)

I like keeping things simple and nostalgic and eccentric.

Ultimately, aren’t those things what family is anyway?

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Disclaimer: The vehicle mentioned in this story was provided at the expense of Lexus, for the purpose of reviewing.

P.S. Here’s a collection of my Toyota family reviews so far; just click on title to read the full story:

2014 Lexus LS 460: 2014 Lexus LS 460 Review, From The Dad’s Perspective; Journey To Howard’s Chapel (The Church Built Into A Rock); Ironically Driving A Lexus To See A Dinosaur Named Junkasaurus Wrecks; What Parents Do When The Kids Are Asleep With The Grandparents; Grandma Regifts As-Seen-On-TV “Perfect Polly” To Great-Grandson; I’ve Heard Of Sleepwalking, But… Sleep-Eating And Sleep-Playing?

2013 Avalon Hybrid: 2013 Toyota Avalon Hybrid Review, From The Dad’s Perspective; A Family That Recycles Together Doesn’t Decompose

2013 Toyota Rav4: 2013 Toyota Rav4 Review, From The Dad’s Perspective

2014 Toyota Tundra: Dad Gives 3 Year-Old Son A Monster Truck For Birthday… Sort Of; Nashville Dad Introduces 3 Year-Old Son To Country Music; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Build-A-Bear; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Little River Falls, AL; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Mountain Driving; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Canyon Land Park; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Canyon Mouth Park

2013 Toyota Sienna: We’re Ready For A Family Road Trip… Minivan Style!; It’s Officially Cool To Drive A Minivan Now

 

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Potty Pride: “They Don’t Make Azteks Anymore”

December 26, 2013 at 10:37 pm , by 

3 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

As I was lying down on the floor in the aftermath of watching you open Christmas gifts, you announced to to the whole family that you needed to go potty.

You recruited your Uncle Andrew to accompany you to the half bathroom, which is basically connected to the living room, where everyone was.

Not only did you want him there for moral support, but you wanted the bathroom door open so the rest of us could be aware of all the excitement.

There you sat down on your training potty, with your face between your knees as you looked for… results.

Uncle Andrew sat across from you on the actual potty, seat down of course, as he acted as your coach.

Once you realized you were throughdoing the deed, you immediately looked up at him and proclaimed, “They don’t make Azteks anymore.”

You then added, “They don’t make Pontiacs anymore either.”

I’ve got two different theories on why you decided to announce what I’ve taught you about the demise of both Azteks and Pontiacs as we’ve sat in Nashville traffic everyday going to and from school.

One is that you were so deep in thought as were going potty, your brain focused on car facts to get you through it; to serve as a motivational distraction. Then, by the time you were done, you decided to share that news with Uncle Andrew.

The other theory, held by Uncle Andrew himself, is that in the likeness of a situation where two dudes try to change the subject after a seemingly akward shared experience, one says to the other, “How ’bout them 49ers (or other relevant sports team)? Heck of a game, heck of game.”

Either theory could be valid.

However, based on the look of your face as the training potty was being emptied into the big potty to be flushed, I think you were anything but ashamed.

That’s a look of potty pride, if I ever did see it.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

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The 3 Year-Old Version Of Cursing: “Poo You! I Poke You In The Eye!”

December 15, 2013 at 9:04 pm , by 

3 years.

Dear Jack,

Half your life ago,which was a year and half ago, I wrote “My Toddler’s [Bleep] Potty Mouth.”

Back in those days, when you tried to say the word “cookie,” it came out as… a word I’m not going to say on record.

You didn’t have the ability to announce certain sounds, so a completely innocent word could end up being something that would be censored on cable TV.

These days, however, you can pronounce most sounds you need to and therefore, “accidental curse words” are less of an occurrence.

However, I’m picking up on what I call “the 3 year-old version of cursing.”

Today Mommy was out with a friend for a little while, as part of her monthly designated girlfriend time (my designated guy friend time was a few weeks ago when I went with some friends to see Thor: The Dark World… then Hunger Games: Catching Fire), so this afternoon I stayed home with you cleaning our “2 and a half” bathrooms.

It was time for your noontime nap, but I really wanted to get the cleaning out of the way before you went to sleep.

So I made you a deal…

You followed me to each of the bathrooms as I cleaned them. While I scrubbed the sinks, toilets, and tubs with Dr. Bronner’s Pure Castille Peppermint Soap, you read me stories from a book your aunt Jeneane recently mailed you for Christmas: Best-Loved Children’s Stories.

As I was kneeling down to clean the shower drain, I heard you say, “Poo you! I poke you in the eye!”

I paused for a moment, as I did my best to keep you from hearing me laugh.

Then I walked out of the bathroom doorway to come see which storyline could have motivated that kind of dialogue.

“The purple page, Daddy,” you explained as you flipped back a few pages, to show me the part in “Ali Baba” where a thief annoyingly questions a lady store worker.

I’m guesing it was she that told the thief, “Poo you! I poke you in the eye!”

What a clever curse from the mind of a 3 year-old. I mean, I don’t want you repeating that at school, where you probably heard it to begin with.

But seriously, that’s pretty funny!

Love,

Daddy