Storytelling

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dad from day one: Will We Be Moving Jack Back to Nashville? (Part 2)

Week 18 (4 months).

“So take your lessons hard… and when your car crash comes don‘t be misled.”
Convince yourself that everything is alright, ’cause it already is.” – “For Nancy” by Pete Yorn

In last week’s cliffhanger episode, I closed by saying that I was counting on a miracle in order to remain in Alabama, knowing that our savings we had been living off of since December 4th would be running out in the next few weeks and that every door and window had closed for us  regarding a long term job.  And more importantly, I needed a job with good insurance, since there are 3 of us now.  I avoid drama at all costs, but in order to be true to the reality of “dad from day one”, I couldn’t play down the real life happenings of coming to terms with the fact that our leap of faith may end with us moving back to Nashville, despite all our efforts to move to Alabama.

That was last Wednesday. It literally felt like my world was collapsing in on me, which I realize is no comparison to the literal collapsing that occurred in Japan last week, but still, it was the most intense thing I have ever lived through.  Maybe a better comparison is that it was like being in a car wreck, where I was in the driver’s seat, running the car through a guard rail, causing my family to be flipped upside down a few times as the car rolled over, not knowing if we were looking up or down.

It helped me to literally understand the phrase, “hell of a week”.  I never so literally felt such a heavy, demonic presence around me.  Not like dark storm clouds and a violent storm; more like a silent, heavy overcast.  It was so subtle, yet terrifying.  I truly felt that my family was caught between two spiritual worlds- with one army that wanted us here and one army that wanted us gone. With that being said, there must be some serious unseen reason why my family should or shouldn’t be living here in Alabama.

But as I had always expected, the scarier that things got in my real life during this move, it would only make it that much more obvious when God miraculously provided for us. In order for this real life story to be more legit, it had to be obvious that it was no coincidence if things worked out in the end.  I, the protagonist, had to be that desperate and completely dependent for God’s intervention.  And I couldn’t just paint God as a genie who grants wishes.  Also, like Abraham being willing to sacrifice his son Isaac, I had to be willing to give it all up.  I had to become humbled more than I ever have before.

As I put it last week, “Perhaps there’s a thin line between bravery and foolishness. The way I see it, that thin line in my case is actually having a steady job.”  I could also compare it to that “bankrupt/million/bankrupt” wedge on Wheel of Fortune.

That was last Wednesday.  Less than 24 hours later, in what felt like a loopy dream, I found myself in a job interview at the place I truly had my heart set on when I moved here.  (Interestingly, this is not the position I referred to last week; this is something completely different.)  It’s a Marketing position for one of the world’s largest playground equipment companies.  I know it’s the perfect fit for me.  Today I took my drug test, so unless there was something extra in the brownies last night, I start this coming Monday (March 28th).

But… the good news isn’t over yet.  God is more creative than that for this story.

Something else happened in the past week that is pretty dang awesome. Something that I didn’t initiate.  Instead, out of nowhere, I was approached. It’s bigger than just simply having one of my articles or “dad from day one” entries being published in a magazine.  I don’t think it would be wise to give away all the details at this point, but just know that it involves me signing a contract, it will take “dad from day one” to a whole new level and audience, it means I will be teaming up with a major publishing company (in a regular paying gig), and it should officially begin within the next month or two…

So, that is what has happened since “Part 1”.  What a week.  Granted, I realize now more than ever, there is no where telling where anyone may end up for the duration of their lives.  I honestly never would have believed that I would ever have moved back to Alabama, or more importantly, that I would ever want to. But as far as my own plans, I want roots again.  I want solid ground.  I want anchorage.  I don’t want to even think about moving again.

Admittedly, I wouldn’t be surprised if all this dramatic struggle is a necessary part of the story of “dad from day one”.  With rare exceptions like the movie Napoleon Dynamite, a strong plot is vital to build a solid story line- not to mention, it’s absolutely necessary for character development.

So, will we be moving Jack back to Nashville?  With an exciting and fulfilling job starting Monday here in Fort Payne, a big secret “dad from day one” reveal coming up in the next month or so, and a juicy income tax return coming our way soon, I suppose it’s as safe as possible to say that we can keep our anchor down in Alabama.

It’s the ultimate irony that we moved to Alabama to settle down, yet it has been such an unsettling experience until now. And it’s pretty interesting, too, how these doors opened the very week that the winter season ended and the spring season began.  Man, the symbolism.  The dead of winter surrenders to the resurrected life of spring.

Please, God, let this good ending and new beginning be real.

“You got to go through hell before you get to heaven… ‘Cause it’s here that I’ve got to stay.” – “Jet Airliner” by The Steve Miller Band

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The Importance of Being a Sharp Dressed Man: Appear to Be More Charming, Important, and Better Looking Than You Actually Are

I’m no fashion expert, just a guy who happens to be conspicuously clued in.

This past week, I had a job interview.  And I would say it went very well.  Plus, a few days later, word got back to me that the guy who interviewed me made a comment after I left that he really liked my suit.  People really do notice when a man knows how to dress nicely.

The funny thing is, I wasn’t actually wearing a suit anyway; it was just a good-looking ensemble.  A month ago I went to the Gap Outlet and bought a $30 black, slim-fitting sports jacket, $20 black, pinstriped pants, and a $20 dress shirt.  I already had a black-and-blue Tommy Hilfiger tie from TJ Maxx ($12) and a black pair of European style dress shoes from  the DSW Shoe Warehouse ($50).

Wearing an actual suit isn’t always the answer to knowing how to dress nicely, anyway.  By throwing together an ensemble like I did for the interview, it showed that I take enough care in my appearance, but that I don’t know too much or think too much about it.  Or even worse, that the only really nice thing I have to wear is the same suit which I wear to all “nice” occasions but then dress like Ray Romano on all other occasions.

In a world where effeminate yet culturally knowledgeable men rule the TV shows on HDTV and TLC that we watch only because our wives watch them, many of us guys have ended up shying away from knowing the basics of and the importance of dressing nicely.  We have let ourselves believe that light pleated khakis, a faded polo shirt, and Nike Shox account for “dressing up” for an event.  And if we dare attempt to push the envelope by wearing something more stylish, like a pink dress shirt, we ruin it for ourselves by wearing those same awful light pleated khakis with it, earning us a big red “FAIL” stamp.  (You should wear black, slate, or dark gray pants with a purple shirt.) A few months ago I realized that Scenic Route Snapshots was getting several hits a day from guys asking Google, “should men tuck in their dress shirts into jeans?” and “should I wear khakis to the club?” as they would click on the titles featured at the very bottom of this post.

It was then that I recognized my responsibility as an average guy who happened to have a quarter Italian blood and some distant Jewish blood in my veins (the Italians and Jews are largely responsible for leading the way in men’s fashion, like Versace who is Italian and Calvin Klein and Tommy Hilfiger who are Jewish) to let other dudes in on what I know that they need to know.  And I’ve learned that the more I write about men’s fashion, the more that men find and read my website.  I can’t let these fashion-curious men down.

Dressing for Work: In season two of The Office, I learned this from Jan telling it to Pam: “Dress for the job you want to have, not the one you already have”.  Instead of finding ways to get by with the current dress code, find ways to slightly “up step” the expectations and your male coworkers.  For example, if you can get by with wearing “nice jeans” Monday through Friday, don’t.  Save those dark jeans for Casual Friday, but don’t just simply wearing a t-shirt then.  On Casual Friday, still wear a dress shirt, but don’t tuck it in, and unbutton the top two or three buttons.  The idea is that even on your most laid-back day, you’re still dressed nice enough to fire someone and be taken seriously.

Dressing for Weddings, Graduations, Banquet Dinners, Etc.: It mainly comes down to the belt, the shoes, and the necktie.  Rule- The color of your belt must match the color of your shoes.  In other words, it’s a sin to wear a black belt if your shoes are brown.  Which brings me to another rule- Do not wear black with brown.  While there are dangerous exceptions, like going “Black and Tan”, it’s too much of a gamble to wear black pants with brown shoes.

As far as the necktie, it’s safest to go with solid colors.  Rule: Just to be on the safe side, if your shirt is striped, wear a solid tie; if your tie is striped, wear a solid colored shirt. Regarding the shirt itself, make sure it is long-sleeved.  Last time I checked, it’s Dwight Schrute and McDonald’s cashiers that are wearing short sleeved, button down collared shirts with ties.  You don’t want to look like them; trust me.  You want to be taken seriously.  As far as wearing short sleeved, button down collard shirts, treat them like polos, not dress shirts.

Can you get away without wearing a tie to really nice events?  Yes.  Try wearing a nice vest.  Or as long as you have a good, newer suit, the matching jacket and pants will suffice.

The bottom line is this; there are certain items that every man should have in his wardrobe.  What’s not important is how much money you spend on these items or the brand names.  What does matter is that they are not outdated or worn out.  In other words, if you brag that you can still fit in the same suit you’ve had since 1993, there’s a good chance that suit is now out of style- likely, it’s too boxy and baggy.  Here are the items you need to get by:

A pair of black pants (no pleats) and black dress shoes, a pair of dark khaki pants (no pleats) and brown dress shoes, one good dress shirt, one good tie, one decent jacket that matches either the black or brown pants, a pair of nice dark jeans (not the kind that Jerry Seinfeld wore on his show), and a decent pair of casual shoes (Chuck Taylor’s, nice running shoes, etc.)  If you have these items, you can get through most situations with style.  So go to Kohl’s or TJ Maxx and buy them cheap.

I’ve got to where now I started dressing nice when I am traveling by plane.  People assume you’re more important if you’re wearing a nice jacket or a tie.  I like to think that one day my plan will pay off and I will be bumped up to First Class simply because I looked special enough to deserve it.  As for you, your quality of life will improve a small degree as you apply what you have learned today in this post and the ones I included as links.  It will be our little secret.  When you receive compliments on how nice you look, there’s no need to even bring up my name.  We’ll just keep it on the DL.

As the title implies, you will appear to be more charming, important, and even better looking than you actually are.  Your actual looks can be highly compensated for if you know how to present yourself, especially if you are consistent in your outstanding attire.  If you enjoyed and related to this post, there’s an 86% chance you will also appreciate at least one of these too, so just click the title itself to read more.

1) How to Wear Dress Pants, If You’re a Guy: Don’t Wear Them With Sneakers and Avoid Khakis

2) How to Wear Pink, If You’re a Guy

3) How to Wear All Black, If You’re a Guy

4) Sweaters are the Shirt

5) Long Sleeved, Button Downs are the Shirt

6) Are Jeans Really as Comfortable as We Think?

7) Being a Handsome Man Vs. Being a Hot Guy

8) The Perfect Haircut for a Guy: A Modern Day James Dean Hairstyle

9) Manspeak, Volume 9: Appearance

 

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dad from day one: Will We Be Moving Jack Back to Nashville? (Part 1)

Week 17 (4 months).

*While this entry is actually the 5th chapter of my series entitled “God-Nudged Leap of Faith”, it is just as relevant to “dad from day one” as well. Therefore, I consider it a cross-over episode.

A few weeks from now, on April 4th, it will be four months since my wife and I took our God-nudged leap of faith.  We carefully planned and prayed over our decision to leave our secured careers behind in Nashville to live in a small blue collar town in Alabama where my family lives.  Having our first child, a son named Jack who was born on November 16, 2010, was a big part of the motivation to move.  It made sense to slow down our pace of life, not only for ourselves, but for him.  We wanted Jack to be surrounded by his grandparents, aunt, and uncle.

My wife and I both were born in 1981.  As children of the 1980’s, we were always told that you can do anything if you really believed in your dreams.  Maybe that’s why we were brave enough to take this leap of faith.  Maybe that’s what got us into this situation: Having almost depleted our savings and unable to land the right jobs back in my small hometown, we are now at a breaking point.

But in this moment, I don’t feel brave. Perhaps there’s a thin line between bravery and foolishness.  The way I see it, that thin line in my case is actually having a steady job.  It’s not a matter of the choice that we may have to move back to Nashville- it’s simply the only option if at least one of us doesn’t get a job within the next 2 and a half weeks.  We need to make the most responsible decision at this point.

That 2 and a half week deadline is both how long our savings will last us as well as how long it should take to know if the most recent job I applied for will be mine or go to someone else.  I can’t say that there were truly no job opportunities for me here.  The first week we were here, I interviewed and was offered a job that was similar to my one in Nashville for the past five years- however, I found out during the interview that it meant working every Saturday and three nights a week.  So I turned them down.  Looking back, it’s easier to say I should have jumped at the chance.  But at the time, I felt that it defeated the purpose of moving here if I couldn’t spend Saturday’s and many evenings with my family.

And the day I published the last chapter of this series, I interviewed and was offered a job as an account representative.  It seemed like the perfect fit at first, but soon I realized I was the wrong guy for the job- like an accountant trying to do a computer administrator’s job or a forklift operator trying to work in a cubicle on the phone.  I was very appreciative, and maybe too honest to not waste their time, but after a week and a half, I had to face the inevitable and re-entered the gloomy world of “much qualified but unemployed”.

My heart was set on raising my son in the same small town I loved while growing up.  But it’s starting to seem like I’m playing Red Rover and I just can’t break through the other side.  And while all of my family’s lives and futures will change if end up moving back to Nashville, I think of how Baby Jack’s life will be the most effected.  Nashville is a wonderful city; after all, it’s where my wife and I met and got married. But his grandparents (my parents) had set their hearts on seeing him nearly every day (the house we live now in is barely a half a mile from them).  And Jack won’t get to grow up with his cousin (my sister is due with her first child in July, who will be in the same school grade as him) as closely.

We chose love over money.  We chose faith over security.  I would love to believe that this story ends the way I intended.  But unless God provides a miracle, because that’s the only saving option, then we have to count our losses (emotional, physical, and financial) and abandon our simple dream.

In Nashville, Jack will have to be raised by babysitters while my wife and I work. As compared to living in Alabama, my sister was going to babysit him since she is going on maternity leave for awhile.  That’s hard for me to grasp.  It makes me think of a divorce in that Jack will only see his family (other than my wife and I, of course) on most weekends.  That’s not what I had my heart set on.

My intentions were good.  My heart was right. My faith was real. My God can still intervene.

One of the main reasons I decided to write this God-nudged leap of faith series was to show how God would provide for my family.  He has always provided for me before.  I just can’t imagine this story ending with this all being for just character building experience.  Not that God’s faithfulness and providence depends on my story.  So to be fair, no matter how this story ends, I will continue writing it- even if we have to pack our lives back up and return to Nashville (where I could go back to my gracious former employer).

I realize that our willingness to move back to Nashville away from family could simply be like Abraham being willing to sacrifice his son, Isaac.  Maybe it’s simply a test of our faith.  But I also fully realize that despite all it took to get here, we may be required to actually make the sacrifice. For the next two and a half weeks, I will be looking for that ram caught in the bushes, like Abraham was given.  I’m counting on a miraculous whirlwind to catch me and carry me either to safety on the ground, or back up to where I leaped from in the first place.

Like Bruce Springsteen said in the first track of my favorite album of his, The Rising: “In God’s hands our fate is complete… I’m countin’ on a miracle to come through.”

It’s in God’s hands, where it’s always been.

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Countin’ on a Miracle to Save My Fall in This God-Nudged Leap of Faith (Like a Whirlwind)

The next two and a half weeks determine the future of my entire family’s life… especially my son Jack’s.

*While this entry is actually an pivotal entry from my baby blog “dad from day one”, it is just as relevant to this “God-Nudged Leap of Faith” series as well. Therefore, I consider it a cross-over chapter.

A few weeks from now, on April 4th, it will be four months since my wife and I took our God-nudged leap of faith.  We carefully planned and prayed over our decision to leave our secured careers behind in Nashville to live in a small blue collar town in Alabama where my family lives.  Having our first child, a son named Jack who was born on November 16, 2010, was a big part of the motivation to move.  It made sense to slow down our pace of life, not only for ourselves, but for him.  We wanted Jack to be surrounded by his grandparents, aunt, and uncle.

My wife and I both were born in 1981.  As children of the 1980’s, we were always told that you can do anything if you really believed in your dreams.  Maybe that’s why we were brave enough to take this leap of faith.  Maybe that’s what got us into this situation: Having almost depleted our savings and unable to land the right jobs back in my small hometown, we are now at a breaking point.

But in this moment, I don’t feel brave. Perhaps there’s a thin line between bravery and foolishness.  The way I see it, that thin line in my case is actually having a steady job.  It’s not a matter of the choice that we may have to move back to Nashville- it’s simply the only option if at least one of us doesn’t get a job within the next 2 and a half weeks. We need to make the most responsible decision at this point.

That 2 and a half week deadline is both how long our savings will last us as well as how long it should take to know if the most recent job I applied for will be mine or go to someone else.  I can’t say that there were truly no job opportunities for me here.  The first week we were here, I interviewed and was offered a job that was similar to my one in Nashville for the past five years- however, I found out during the interview that it meant working every Saturday and three nights a week.  So I turned them down.  Looking back, it’s easier to say I should have jumped at the chance.  But at the time, I felt that it defeated the purpose of moving here if I couldn’t spend Saturday’s and many evenings with my family.

And the day I published the last chapter of this series, I interviewed and was offered a job as an account representative.  It seemed like the perfect fit at first, but soon I realized I was the wrong guy for the job- like an accountant trying to do a computer administrator’s job or a forklift operator trying to work in a cubicle on the phone.  I was very appreciative, and maybe too honest to not waste their time, but after a week and a half, I had to face the inevitable and re-entered the gloomy world of “much qualified but unemployed”.

My heart was set on raising my son in the same small town I loved while growing up.  But it’s starting to seem like I’m playing Red Rover and I just can’t break through the other side.  And while all of my family’s lives and futures will change if end up moving back to Nashville, I think of how Baby Jack’s life will be the most effected.  Nashville is a wonderful city; after all, it’s where my wife and I met and got married. But his grandparents (my parents) had set their hearts on seeing him nearly every day (the house we live now in is barely a half a mile from them).  And Jack won’t get to grow up with his cousin (my sister is due with her first child in July, who will be in the same school grade as him) as closely.

We chose love over money.  We chose faith over security.  I would love to believe that this story ends the way I intended.  But unless God provides a miracle, because that’s the only saving option, then we have to count our losses (emotional, physical, and financial) and abandon our simple dream.

In Nashville, Jack will have to be raised by babysitters while my wife and I work. As compared to living in Alabama, my sister was going to babysit him since she is going on maternity leave for awhile.  That’s hard for me to grasp.  It makes me think of a divorce in that Jack will only see his family (other than my wife and I, of course) on most weekends.  That’s not what I had my heart set on.

My intentions were good.  My heart was right. My faith was real. My God can still intervene.

One of the main reasons I decided to write this God-nudged leap of faith series was to show how God would provide for my family.  He has always provided for me before.  I just can’t imagine this story ending with this all being for just character building experience.  Not that God’s faithfulness and providence depends on my story.  So to be fair, no matter how this story ends, I will continue writing it- even if we have to pack our lives back up and return to Nashville (where I could go back to my gracious former employer).

I realize that our willingness to move back to Nashville away from family could simply be like Abraham being willing to sacrifice his son, Isaac.  Maybe it’s simply a test of our faith.  But I also fully realize that despite all it took to get here, we may be required to actually make the sacrifice. For the next two and a half weeks, I will be looking for that ram caught in the bushes, like Abraham was given.  I’m counting on a miraculous whirlwind to catch me and carry me either to safety on the ground, or back up to where I leaped from in the first place.

Like Bruce Springsteen said in the first track of my favorite album of his, The Rising: “In God’s hands our fate is complete… I’m countin’ on a miracle to come through.”

It’s in God’s hands, where it’s always been.

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dad from day one: Clip Show

Week 16.

What is a “clip show”, you ask? Here’s how Wikipedia describes it:

“A clip show is an episode of a television series that consists primarily of excerpts from previous episodes. Most clip shows feature the format of a frame story in which cast members recall past events from past installments of the show, depicted with a clip of the event presented as a flashback.”

Lifeway publishes a monthly magazine called “Homelife”.  In the March 2011 issue, there is an invitation for readers to submit a 600-word story telling how God is working in their own home life.  And they pay $75 for each submission that is printed.  So I thought I might as well throw this into the “dad from day one” canon in the event that “Homelife” magazine decides not to publish it.

This clip episode doesn’t reveal anything particularly new to regular readers of my blogs “dad from day one” or “God-Nudged Leap of Faith”, but I see how it could be a good thing for newer readers who are just now jumping in.  For some reason, over the past couple of weeks, I have been drawing in between 40 and 100 new “dad from day one” readers each day.  So to you new readers, now you can get a better background perspective.  And for my faithful readers of nearly one year of “dad from day one”, thank you for hanging around.

Here is the story I submitted to Lifeway’s “homelife” magazine today:

“God-Nudged Leap of Faith”

It would be one thing if my wife and I had lost our jobs.  That would make more sense to some people.  Instead, we actually chose to leave behind our enjoyable and financially stable jobs in Nashville to move to my small hometown of Fort Payne, Alabama.  Yes, in this economy, we did the unthinkable.  Oh, and I should mention, we moved only two weeks after our son was born.

Why?  I guess it boils down to the universally familiar concept that when people have a near death experience, their life flashes before their eyes.  I could look back on my life twenty years from now, feeling much more secure in my finances, but my kids would not grow up truly knowing their grandparents, aunts, and uncles the way they would if we all lived in the same city together.

So we took a God-nudged leap of faith.  Since our move three months ago, we have made full time jobs out of looking for full time jobs. Granted, we both have college degrees (my wife even has a Master’s), impressive resumes, solid experience, and great personalities; but we are either under-qualified or over-qualified for the few jobs available.

In this home life of ours, time is standing still as I watch a constant slideshow in mind of my past, present, and future.  I struggle daily not to play the “what if?” game.  But at this point, it is not about the decisions that led me to this difficult place.  It is about what God can do with this situation now and how He can be seen by others because of it.  Not to mention, I know that this event will either enhance my faith through discipline and patience, or it will cause me to foolishly put faith in men who may or may not provide a job for me.

Fortunately, it is not people who provide jobs anyway.  It is not them who help me provide for my family.  It is completely God.  That is something I have begun reminding myself daily.  And in the process, I have been directed to one of God’s Hebrew names: Jehovah Jireh.  It means “The Lord will provide.”  I have been getting into the habit of praying to Jehovah Jireh, as His name specifically declares His providence.

I am not hopeless.  Yet I will personally admit that as a man who is designed to care and provide for his family, not having a job though I am fully capable and qualified, is quickly taking away my dignity.  But really, is dignity what I am after? No.

Seeking after God and only trusting in Him, instead of men or corporations or even myself, is a humiliating process.  The word “humiliating” has such a negative connotation to it, yet being humbled (another form of the word “humility”) is a necessary process in order to mature. As for my pride- it is to be damned, literally.  It only gets in the way of what God can do.

In the mean time, I get to spend plenty of time with my wife and our new son. Not every new dad has that ability.  And since I happen to be the author of a baby blog called “dad from day one,” I catch every minute of my son’s amazing and hilarious new baby tricks, so I never run out of writing material.  You know, I can see already I am going to miss this stage of my life.

Thank God for the good times and for the bad.  Sometimes it is not until you look back on them both to know which was which.