Surviving a God-Nudged Leap of Faith

The Half Abortion: Only Keeping One Twin

August 14, 2011 at 8:31 pm , by 

Eight months.

In today’s publication of the New York Times, there is an article entitled The Two-Minus-One Pregnancy. It tells of the growing number of women who are pregnant with twins and choose to abort only one of the fetuses, and allowing the other to survive.  In other words, these women are having a “half abortion.”

According to the article, New York’s Mount Sinai Medical Center performed 101 abortions last year; 38 of those pregnancy terminations involved a mother pregnant with twins who decided to only abort one unborn child.  And that’s just one medical center in the entire country.

One mother who used fertility drugs to get pregnant, then aborted only one fetus, gives her reasoning for the decision:

“If I had conceived these twins naturally, I wouldn’t have reduced this pregnancy, because you feel like if there’s a natural order, then you don’t want to disturb it. But we created this child in such an artificial manner — in a test tube, choosing an egg donor, having the embryo placed in me — and somehow, making a decision about how many to carry seemed to be just another choice. The pregnancy was all so consumerish to begin with, and this became yet another thing we could control.”

What is it about the idea of a half abortion that somehow seems more difficult to grasp than a “normal” abortion?  The immediate thing that comes to mind is that it is an ultimate case of “playing God.” As if a “normal” abortion wasn’t already giving one person the authority to choose another human being’s ability to live, a half abortion gives a person the ability to decide which unborn child deserves to live and which one deserves to die. That’s playing God, times two.

Is there any justification for a half abortion? The article in the New York Times gives several examples of why women made their decision:

1. The mother was 45 years old and already had children.  She felt financially insecure, as well as, too old to have twins.

2. The mother was known as a “good parent,” highly devoted to her children.  Pregnant with twins, she decided she couldn’t be equally devoted to two more; just one.

3. The mother already had a son. Then she got pregnant with twins; a boy and a girl.  She chose to keep the girl.

4. Many of these mothers were in their 2nd marriage and already have kids from their previous marriages.  Twins would have been too complicated, compared to only one more addition to the family.

5.  Some were single mothers.

6. Some mothers did not want to jeopardize their education.

7. Some did not want to jeopardize their careers.

8. One woman’s husband was an officer in the Army, fighting in Iraq. They already had a few kids.  Twins were too much a risk if something happened to her husband.

For those of us unfamiliar with the idea of a half abortion until today, we now make a decision in our own minds of whether it is ethically justifiable or wrong. The fact that The New York Times is doing a story about it says something in and of itself: This is not your typical “gray area” moral dilemma.

This isn’t a discussion about whether abortion is right or wrong, in general.  Honestly, “pro-choice vs. pro-life” debates bore me. Polls show that our nation is split 50/50 on abortion.  Most of us have already made up our minds on the issue and the truth is, we are not going to convince each other otherwise via comments on a blog post; especially if we ourselves play God by judging other people’s character and life decisions.

I hope it is clear that I am not asking anyone to cast stones, but instead to think with an open mind about a tough issue that has some undeniable ethical questions surrounding it. I enjoy mature, mutually respectable, deep conversations. Therefore, I’m curious to know how other people feel about the “two minus one pregnancy.”  What ethical issues does the half abortion raise?

John Mayer’s Daughters Vs. Greg Wright’s Daddy Dates

July 28, 2011 at 7:59 pm , by 

Eight months.

I love John Mayer’s music.  He shares my same love for the year 1983.  The first date my wife and I went on was to one of his concerts.  I will confidently buy every single album that he ever releases, knowing that John Mayer just can’t produce a dud.  When it comes to making music and writing songs, he’s undeniably a class act.

In 2005, John Mayer won a Grammy for his Top Ten hit song, “Daughters.”  The song contains the lyrics, “On behalf of every man looking out for every girl. You are the guide and the weight of her world. So fathers, be good to your daughters. Daughters will love like you do.”  He wrote the song completely on his own.  And it is definitely one well crafted and well written song.

However, I know to separate the music from the man.  Technically, John Mayer’s dating life is none of my business.  But after all, one of the most played albums in our house is Jack’s favorite Taylor Swift albumSpeak Now, which contains the song, “Dear John.”

After hearing the song the first 23 times, it became pretty clear to me that the song is most likely about the highly speculated, brief relationship between the then 19 year old Taylor Swift and the 32 year old John Mayer.  One of the most stand out lines in the song is, “Don’t you think nineteen’s too young to be messed with? The girl in the dress cried the whole way home.  I should have known.”

Whether or not it should, it definitely bothers me that the man who wrote “Daughters” does not apply the song’s advice in his personal life.  It’s not just Taylor Swift that he’s messed with. Granted, it’s not a matter of whether Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, and Taylor Swift should have known better.  It’s a matter of John Mayer knowing better.

In the same way that Bentley is known as the infamous player/villain from the Ashley Hebert season of The Bachelorette, so John Mayer falls into this same category. Just like in his song, “Who Says,” where he nonchalantly states, “Who says I can’t get stoned? Call up a girl that I used to know. Fake love for an hour or so.”  This kind of talk just doesn’t sound like it should be coming from the guy who was intuitive enough to write “Daughters.”

I view John Mayer as a modern day King Solomon, having access to countless beautiful women, unending wealth and glorious fame. Yet as King Solomon admitted later in his life, in the book of Ecclesiastes, it was all meaningless.  Similarly, John Mayer admits in another one of his more well known songs from the same album, “something’s missing and I don’t know how to fix it.”

So while I think John Mayer is flawless when it comes to making music and writing songs, I recognize that there’s a disconnect between what he knows is truth and the way he actually treats the “daughters” he dates.

And that is why I am giving away a free copy of the book Daddy Dates to the first 5 readers who request it by leaving a comment on this post.  I will need your mailing address, whether you leave it in the comment itself or would prefer to email it to me (nickshell1983@hotmail.com) right after you leave the comment.

The nonfiction book  Daddy Dates is written by Greg Wright, who regularly takes his four daughters on “dates.”  In other words, he is making a very conscious effort to spend individual, quality time with his daughters, assuring them that they are beautiful, loved, and worthy of being loved.  Coming from the guy whose mission is to positively re-brand fatherhood (I’m referring to myself,) I admire Greg Wright for what he is doing.

Therefore, I proudly give away his book here on The Dadabase.

*Within an hour or so of this post being published, I got my 5 winners for the book.  Hint: When I give away books here on The Dadabase, it’s always on Thursday nights around 8PM Central Time.  But not every Thursday…

Where Simple Faith Meets Complicated Reality

The First Day of the Rest of Our Lives

July 18, 2011 at 11:00 pm , by 

Eight months.

The reset button has been pressed and the screen has faded to white.

Today my family began life back on the magical island (a reference to Lost) of Nashville where we have been destined to live. It was a big day for all three of us:

I returned back to the same office where I used to work; my wife started a new job back at Vanderbilt University where she worked previous to our move; and Jack went to daycare for the first time, or  ”baby boarding school” as I like to think of it.

(I will inevitably be writing an entire post about my feelings about him going to daycare, in the near future.)

For me, starting back over in Nashville today felt like waking up from a long stretch of amnesia, where I remember dreaming of a strange parallel universe I had been living in for eight months; only it wasn’t a dream.  It was real life.  It’s like suddenly having  a flash drive in the USB port of my brain which contains the acquired data to help me best function in this “redo” of my life.

As I rode my mountain bike from my office to Jack’s daycare to briefly visit him during my lunch break, I noticed several businesses and restaurants that have been replaced by new ones; while others are surprisingly still around. And in my office most of the same people were still there to welcome me back, though I saw several unfamiliar, and therefore strange, new people who were walking around the place as if they knew what they were doing.

But it was me who wasn’t there all along, for I was receiving my necessary life education lessons back in Alabama.  As of last night, we have officially unpacked our bags. Though we still have a lot of our stuff still in storage, there already is the undeniable sense of “home” for us here.  Because despite what we thought was right for us a year ago, we belong here, in Nashville.

I loved being back at my old office today. And my wife is really excited about her new job.  As for Jack, I will just have to assume he’s having a good time in daycare; hanging out with other babies who are the same age, yet a lot smaller than he is.  I know he’s in good hands, but it’s just tough that they are not our hands.

The time has come for all three of us to grow up and move forward; together as a family of three.

Photos courtesy of Moments in Time Photography in Fort Payne, Alabama:

www.mitbyamie.com