Spirituality

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Dear Jack: Your New Quarter Zip Pullover

15 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

I observed how over the past month or so, you have been curious about owning a quarter zip pullover. I definitely remember what it was like being a teenage boy, when my wardrobe was mostly just cool/weird t-shirts and baggy pants, but how I still had a couple collared shirts and one pair of chino pants for when I needed to wear something nice.

Last Friday night after work and school, we made our way to Scottsboro for a Publix and TJ Maxx run. The one thing you sought out while we were there was a quarter zip pullover; as I could tell you wanted another “nice” item to be able to wear.

Fate would have it, our family ended up on stage at church on Sunday, as our family was asked to light the advent candles. You got to debut your quarter zip pullover.

Our friends Mohamad and Lena also happened to drive over from Tennessee to visit us here in Alabama last weekend as well. When Mohamad took a photo of all of us together at our house, what did you decide to throw on?

Your quarter zip pullover.

 

Love,

Daddy

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I’m in Hurry and Don’t Know Why

Being born in 1981 in the town of Fort Payne, Alabama meant that my childhood and teenage years took place where the legendary country band Alabama was always part of the backdrop.

Some of my earliest memories in life include me regularly performing a concert to the four walls of my parents’ bedroom as I stood up on their bed using it as my stage, while the vinyl record of Alabama’s 1984 album Roll On played on the stereo.

But the Alabama song that has stuck with me my entire life was actually one that came out when I was eleven years old in 1992: “I’m in a Hurry (And Don’t Know Why)”.

It’s one of those songs that is easy to assume is light and fun because of its upbeat tempo. Instead, it’s actually a pretty deep song that involves a person addressing the paradoxes of their own human existence. It feels inspired by the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible.

Out of nowhere in the Alabama band’s song catalog is this realization that life is crowded with meaningless distractions:

All I really gotta do is live and dieBut I’m in a hurry and don’t know why

And now, more than 30 years after the song was released, this concept is even more relevant. At this point in my life, my focus has been narrowed to simply enjoy the life I have right here in front of me.

I think there is something almost unsettling, at least for me, to realize:

“Oh, I don’t have to try as hard as I used to, for life to be enjoyable: simply, as is.”

For the past couple of years now, I have been much more aware of so many of the meaningless distractions that I can just swipe left to. So many things we are taught to fear… we don’t have any control over anyway. So many things we’re taught to love… they only cause us to self-destruct. Our peace of mind has a price that is paid through our attention… if we let it.

For so many years, life was on “hard mode”. But now I’m in my mid 40s and I have genuinely earned plenty of “experience points”, meaning that I’ve overcome enough challenges to be confident and secure; despite the chaos that life seems to constantly present to us.

I could pray for God to help me understand what my purpose is, but it seems pretty apparent, as if He would say…

“Just enjoy the life you have in front of you. Right here, right now. This is it.”

And if that is what He would tell me, then I wonder if ironically, that’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do:

To stop running. To stop racing. To just relax and appreciate the view.

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Dear Jack: Your First Time Serving as the Valet

14 years, 11 months.

Dear Jack,

Our entire family was involved in this past weekend’s grill out at Nonna and Papa’s house. Mommy and I planned and hosted it. Nonna and Papa allowed us to use their yard and playground as the event venue.

Uncle Andrew cooked all 80 burgers… and he let us use his golf cart to use as the taxi to usher the guests from the empty lot down the road where everyone parked.

And you served as the valet to drive everyone from their cars and back.

I could tell you took your job very seriously. You were attentive to make sure everyone was safe the entire time.

You served others and were very much an important part of making the event run smoothly!

Love,

Daddy

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That Moment You Realize Your Opinion Doesn’t Actually Matter Outside of Your Own Head

It felt like both a personal tragedy as well as the biggest relief, the moment I realized, “Oh… my personal opinion doesn’t really matter all that much outside of my own head. Wait… nobody cares? This is horrible! Wait… nobody cares? Ah… this is great, actually.”

And it wasn’t just me. I now can see that regardless of their current age, so many people live their lives constantly chasing validation of their own identity. It was a sobering revelation for me to realize this about myself- and it explained how I had lived so many years of my life.

Especially in my early and mid 30s, I “needed” people to agree with my opinions: I needed to “be right”. I took on the impossible responsibility of trying to make everyone around me think like I did.

 

But now at this point in life, I am years into living with the refreshing perspective that so little of the things that people worry about actually matter… as most of those things people worry about are the things we don’t actually have any control over.

A couple months ago I came across a meme that I found particularly helpful. Granted, it was laced in profanity. So here’s my own cleaned up version:

“Stages of the Awakening”

  1. Blissful ignorance.
  2. Nothing makes sense anymore.
  3. We’re doomed.
  4. Wake up, sheeple!
  5. Get off my lawn!
  6. Realizing that becoming the most loving and joyful version of myself, despite the chaos of the world around me, is the greatest rebellion.

Part of why I am finding it so much easier to be the most loving and joyful version of myself is because I stopped seeking the “validation of being right”. Granted, I still live by strong convictions that guide my own personal decisions and my lifestyle.

But I now know if I were even able to successfully prove I am right and another person is wrong, I would not be rewarded with that person’s respect. Instead, I would be met with their resentment. That is what life has actually taught me.

The self-destructive default had been for me to attempt to gain a sense of control over others by trying to convince them to agree with our my perspective, yet what I was actually seeking was emotional connection with the people in my life.

My personal opinion doesn’t really matter all that much outside of my own head. Being emotionally connected with other people does. Got it.

 

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Dear Jack: The Chattanooga Lookouts Baseball Game

14 years, 7 months.

Dear Jack,

This past Memorial Day weekend, our family decided to go check out a baseball game. No, not the Atlanta Braves…

Instead, we watched the Chattanooga Lookouts play the Rocket City Trash Pandas.

As funny as this may sound, I actually enjoyed watching this game more than last summer when we actually did go see the Braves play.

I guess there’s something charming and more relaxing about seeing a game where the stakes are so low… and the names of the teams are so funny.

Not to mention, the Lookouts game was less than an hour away from our house.

Honestly, I’m ready to go back and watch them play again!

Love,

Daddy