People

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Dear Holly: What You Do at Sleepovers as a 9 Year-Old

9 years, 4 months.

Dear Holly,

I am still not over the fact that Mommy and I are at the point in life where she and I can just go away for a weekend, leaving you and your brother at Nonna and Papa’s… and it’s totally okay with everybody!

And it helps even more that your cousin Darla joined in at your most recent sleepover, ensuring that there would be nonstop 9 year-old activities the whole time!

Of course, much of it revolves around your collection of dolls… as the event becomes “the dolls’ sleepover” perhaps more than your own, as you perceive it.

I love it that we live in the same state as family now!

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: A Buddy Who Looks Up to You

14 years, 10 months.

Dear Jack,

After last week’s 3rd Saturday Cruise-In was cancelled at the last minute due to rain, you and your sister both still wanted to get out and do something. We had already planned to see our family friends, the McDaniels, there.

Mommy suggested Cracker Barrel instead, so that’s where we all ended up.

Just like a few weeks ago when we had them over at our house for dinner, their young son Walter buddied up to you.

After we ordered our food, you entertained him by playing him at that peg game they always have there on the table. And after dinner, he apparently taught you how to play checkers?

Your composure around him is so laughably nonchalant, yet still I can tell he thinks you’re really cool to hang out with.

Love,

Daddy

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That Moment You Realize Your Opinion Doesn’t Actually Matter Outside of Your Own Head

It felt like both a personal tragedy as well as the biggest relief, the moment I realized, “Oh… my personal opinion doesn’t really matter all that much outside of my own head. Wait… nobody cares? This is horrible! Wait… nobody cares? Ah… this is great, actually.”

And it wasn’t just me. I now can see that regardless of their current age, so many people live their lives constantly chasing validation of their own identity. It was a sobering revelation for me to realize this about myself- and it explained how I had lived so many years of my life.

Especially in my early and mid 30s, I “needed” people to agree with my opinions: I needed to “be right”. I took on the impossible responsibility of trying to make everyone around me think like I did.

 

But now at this point in life, I am years into living with the refreshing perspective that so little of the things that people worry about actually matter… as most of those things people worry about are the things we don’t actually have any control over.

A couple months ago I came across a meme that I found particularly helpful. Granted, it was laced in profanity. So here’s my own cleaned up version:

“Stages of the Awakening”

  1. Blissful ignorance.
  2. Nothing makes sense anymore.
  3. We’re doomed.
  4. Wake up, sheeple!
  5. Get off my lawn!
  6. Realizing that becoming the most loving and joyful version of myself, despite the chaos of the world around me, is the greatest rebellion.

Part of why I am finding it so much easier to be the most loving and joyful version of myself is because I stopped seeking the “validation of being right”. Granted, I still live by strong convictions that guide my own personal decisions and my lifestyle.

But I now know if I were even able to successfully prove I am right and another person is wrong, I would not be rewarded with that person’s respect. Instead, I would be met with their resentment. That is what life has actually taught me.

The self-destructive default had been for me to attempt to gain a sense of control over others by trying to convince them to agree with our my perspective, yet what I was actually seeking was emotional connection with the people in my life.

My personal opinion doesn’t really matter all that much outside of my own head. Being emotionally connected with other people does. Got it.

 

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Dear Holly: Your First Week Away at Summer Camp

9 years, 2 months.

Dear Holly,

Last week as you left for your first time away to summer camp, I was so sad to see you go… and I was so sad all week while you were gone.

But… you didn’t seem sad at all! And that definitely makes me happy.

I am so proud of you for showing confidence and displaying your natural need for independence.

Granted, it helped that your cousin Darla was there with you the whole time and that Aunt Dana was there as a chaperone.

And it helped me on my end that Aunt Dana was able to send me pictures of you each day so I could see how much fun you were having, in real time.

You have now been away at summer camp for the first time!

Love,

Daddy

 

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Dear Holly: Playing Wordscapes on Mommy’s Phone

9 years, 1 month.

Dear Holly,

I can appreciate that you have discovered solving crossword puzzles on an app on Mommy’s phone, called Wordscapes.

As we made the hourlong drive to Guntersville for the boat race last Saturday, you kept yourself  entertained and intellectually stimulated in the car.

And while the boat race did keep your attention for a little bit, you decided solving crossword puzzles was more your speed.

Something I definitely appreciate about this is that you and your brother have now begun solving these puzzles together. Sometimes I help too- but you and your brother tend to do much better than me!

Love,

Daddy