parenting

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting

How My 2 Year-Old Sees Me and His Mommy

February 11, 2013 at 10:53 pm , by 

2 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

I have no idea who the man in this picture is, but according to some friends on Facebook, he could evidently be me in some alternative version of reality in 1984.

Therefore, the floating butterfly lady is, by default, Mommy.

So I got to thinking: This is probably the best illustration of how you see Mommy and me.

I am the Wizard of Weird and Mommy is the Fairy of Finesse.

Together, the two of us make one magical team. (Evidently, my magic is so cool I can make Mommy fly.)

Even if her ability to fly has something to do with the 1984 version of Photoshop, at least someone went through the trouble of adding in a believable shadow on my arm.

A couple of days ago I mentioned how You Can’t Choose Your Parents; that ” whether it’s for better or for worse, I take pride in showing you my version of how the world works and/or how it should work.”

Well, Son, you basically have Mork and Mindy for parents. That is your reality.

I imagine that to you, as a 2 year-old, everything is laced in fantasy. It will be a while before you can truly start discerning between what is real and what is pretend.

Can trains really talk the way Thomas and his friends can? When we pass the same construction site every morning, is that really Cranky the Crane, as I seem to imply?

Do you wake up every morning to parents who basically put on a magic show for you? Is that what it feels like to be 2 years old?

I think so.

As for the actual man and woman in the picture, I hope they see this and leave a comment. Or if nothing else, maybe someone else knows who this magical couple is so I can give credit where credit is due.

Until then, I will have you believe this is Mommy and me.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Update: Thanks to a reader named Lance, I learned that the magician in the picture is Doug Henning. Lance, thanks for introducing me to him!

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

For A Less Anxious Car Ride With A 2 Year-Old…

February 10, 2013 at 11:05 pm , by 

2 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

While I am definitely more mindful these days of trying to avoid the use of bravado in my letters to you, I must admit, my ego took a bit of a hit when I recently had to start riding in the backseat with you.

Something always seemed awkward, if nothing else, about seeing a wife drive the car while the husband was in the front passenger seat.

Well, at least it’s not that bad. The new normal is that Mommy drives and I accompany you in the backseat.

I have relinquished my role as the family chauffeur; a role that I feel is supposed to be mine, as the dad and husband.

But, as I had hoped when I implemented this plan, you are a lot less anxious, needy, whiny, and hungry now that it’s me sitting next to you in the back seat.

You see Mommy as the nurturer, which she is.

However, with me, you just want to chill out. Either you contemplate your life, deep in thought, as pictured right; or you like to be goofy with me as we sing the few lines we know of the songs from The Lorax movie:

“How ba-a-a-ad can I be?”

I’m curious to see how our new driving method will work on our next road trip.

We drove two and a half hours to Alabama last month, but it felt more like five. There was nothing Mommy could do back there to make you happy. Plus, you needed a nap, but that never happened.

Since I’m not the nurturer of the family, I wonder if it will be easier for you to fall asleep in the car if it’s me back there with you next time.

It’s just that your expectations are so much different (and lower?) for me as your seatmate, as opposed to Mommy.

You treat us differently. You are much more low-maintenance with me; you always have been.

Like I’ve mentioned last July in “The Hunger Games: Toddler Edition,” you are not as hungry and you ask for food less with I’m the parent caring for you. You can go for hours without thinking about food if it’s just you and me.

But with Mommy, you’ll eat two meals in a row.

So for now, I’ll be your backseat buddy. I shall entertain you, make you lose your appetite, and bore you to sleep.

 

Love,

Daddy

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

Raising A Little Boy: Safety Hazard Or Just A Mess To Be Made?

February 9, 2013 at 11:12 pm , by 

2 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

Last Saturday morning when it snowed here in Nashville, I snapped a few quick pictures of you discovering the glory of it through the window.

However, those pictures of you didn’t quite turn out as I had hoped.

Instead, they could easily be filed under the categories of “safety hazard” or “a mess to be made.”

Without an explanation, the picture to the right looks like I just let you regularly pretend to strangle yourself with the strings from the window blinds.

In reality, the exact second this picture was shot was the only time you’ve ever put the strings from the window blinds close to your neck.

The main reason you I’ve never let you play with the window blinds is explained in the picture below.

Not only do I not want you to hurt yourself, but I don’t want you to learn that it’s okay to play with something that could easily turn into a big mess, or more importantly, something that could break and be so expensive to fix.

(Those blinds throughout our townhouse costed us a total of $500 for the 3 windows we have, by the time they were installed.)

Trust me, I don’t want to be a stick in the mud parent who is telling you “no” anytime you try to do something new.

I want you to be curious and adventurous. You are a little boy. You’re basically wired to discover fun new things on a regular basis.

But as your dad, I have to constantly be asking myself, “Is this a safety hazard?” and “Will this make a big expensive mess that I’ll have to clean up and pay for?”

Speaking of snow, it reminds me of when I was a kid in school and the Superintendent would have to make the call very early that morning on whether or not school would be cancelled because of snowy or icy weather.

If he cancelled school, and the weather ended up not being as bad as everyone thought it would be, then it could make it look like he jumped the gun and overreacted.

But if he didn’t cancel school, and the weather really was as bad as everyone thought it might be, then he could be seen as unwise and not concerned enough with the safety of the children.

I feel like the Superintendent. You give me enough reasons each day to have continually ask myself whether I should approve or cancel whatever potential hazard or mess you are about to get yourself into.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

You Can’t Choose Your Parents

February 9, 2013 at 12:21 am , by 

2 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

In this very moment, here is exactly what’s going through my mind:

You really do have a weird man for a dad.

I realize that’s nothing I need to apologize for. After all, my quirkiness and passionate beliefs are what attracted Mommy to me in the first place.

So ultimately, you are here today because I’m not so normal of an American man.

We’ll make this thing work, though. You’ll turn out fine.

It’s just that I have a feeling as you get older, your friends will all be aware that your dad is… a bit on the eccentric side.

You’ll be the kid with the dad who doesn’t eat meat, doesn’t use any products that contain sodium laurel sulphate, doesn’t use microwaves, doesn’t pay for cable or smart phones, and doesn’t believe in using credit cards.

I’ll be that Libertarian, yet law-abiding; conservative, yet open-minded; Generation Y father who happens to live on the outside of what is often mainstream.

To be honest, I only recently realized how off-beat a demographic I am a part of. As I look back through the letters I’ve written you, I see that often my worldview does not necessarily reflect that of the majority.

So the question is, how will that affect you?

Am I brainwashing you? Probably a little bit. However, I don’t see how I’m brainwashing you any more than any other parent out there.

That’s one of the scary parts about being a parent. As your dad, I greatly influence your worldview, whether I mean to or not.

You can’t choose your parents. I’m the one you ended up with, though.

Whether it’s for better or for worse, I take pride in showing you my version of how the world works and/or how it should work.

Ultimately, what I want for you isn’t any different than what I assume any parent wants for their child:

I want you to know you are loved, you are special, and you are wanted. I want you to be confident in yourself, strong in your beliefs, and caring to others.

Maybe I’m not that weird of a dad after all…

 

Love,

Daddy

Leave a comment Posted on Health, parenting

My Kid Wants To Eat The Same Few Meals For Dinner Every Night

February 6, 2013 at 10:41 pm , by 

2 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

After you bought groceries by swiping Mommy’s expired debit card on your high chair, you proceeded to bring a box of Annie’s macaroni and cheese to your Thomas the Train play table, along with two plates and two spoons.

“I make Jack and Daddy dinner,” you casually proclaimed.

You shook the closed orange box upside down and stirred the invisible pasta into a plate, then served me.

I ended up having seconds, then thirds.

To you, dinner means Annie’s whole wheat macaroni and cheese. Period.

It’s not that your parents haven’t tried to introduce you to other options. You’ll eat rice and beans, quesadillas, pizza, bananas, goldfish crackers, bananas, raisins, pureed fruit, cereal, and… well, actually, that’s pretty much it.

However, if we gave you macaroni and cheese every single night for dinner, you would never complain or ask for anything else.

Tonight, Mommy decided to mix things up by making Macaroni and Cheese Cupcakes, based on a recipe she found online from Giada of The Food Network.

We substituted fresh carrots for the chicken that the recipe called for, meaning your macaroni and cheese for tonight was full of vegetables.

You liked the Mac and Cheese Cupcakes. We will be repeating this recipe.

So here is the takeaway:

Don’t be surprised if we start tossing broccoli, carrots, and zucchini into the other few menu items you eat, like your rice and beans, pizza, and quesadillas.

As your parents, we no longer have to feel slightly guilty about only feeding you the few select meals you will actually eat.

We will simply begin enhancing your “bread and cheese” meals with whole veggies. If you don’t like it… then you can eat cereal.

 

Love,

Daddy