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Mommy, Is “Tight Schedule” A Nice Word?

January 14, 2014 at 9:47 pm , by 

3 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

You are in a stage right now where you’re having a lot of fun learning which words are “nice words” to use.

“Is ‘tight schedule’ a nice word, Mommy?” you sincerely asked her this weekend.

Shortly afterwards, you asked me if “keyboard” is a nice word.

I taught you that “eyeball” is not a nice word in some cases; such as calling your friend Madison one at school.

After watching The Little Engine That Could, on Netflix, you picked up the phrase, “What the heck?”

It seems like such an innocent phrase until you hear a 3 year-old say it.

So Mommy and I have taught you to replace “heck” with “world.”

Right now it’s all about teaching you which words are “nice words.” The funniest thing, is that in the process, you’re asking Mommy and me about neutral words.

Similarly, you try to use this same concept on me.

For example, I could ask Mommy if there is any French toast left from Sunday.

You would warn me:

“Daddy, “French toast” is not a nice word! We don’t say that word.”

I see how for you right now, you honestly don’t know which words you’re allowed not to say yet; until after you’ve said them. Therefore, I guess you assume that I also use words in front of you that I shouldn’t.

I do, it’s just that I mumble them in a way that only Mommy can understand them.

Like the word “gun.” Or “dead.” To me, those are words that I purposely try to shield you from- for the time being.

In my opinion, you’re not ready to learn about guns or death. Or Guns N Roses.

So for now, I will mumble what I don’t want you to hear. Meanwhile, you will continue asking me if nearly every random noun is a nice word or not.

 

Love,

Daddy

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Jack Meets Max The Cockapoo, Nearly 3 Years Later

January 5, 2014 at 10:42 pm , by 

3 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

I imagine there will be a lot of confusion for you over these next several years in regards to how animals actually communicate with humans.

Considering all the kids’ movies and TV shows that feature talking animals, it seems to be evident that we humans secretly fantasize about being able to truly talk to the animals we love.

In fact, something I’ve got up my sleeve for 2014 is a 373 word childrens’ book I have written and have recently started working with an extremely talented illustrator on.

The plot line itself capitalizes on the truth that animals and humans do communicate in a language, but not a spoken one.

More on that in months to come, hopefully…

As for today, I want to tell you what happened this weekend as you were re-introduced to Max, the amazing Cockapoo (a Spaniel/Poodle mix).

On April 5th, 2011, nearly 3 years ago, I wrote Jack Meets Max The Cockapoo. Today, I write the follow-up.

We visited our friends, the Scotts, who happen to have a daughter named Parker who is close to your age, as well as a lovable dog who seems to be mutually interesting in you.

I really enjoyed following you, Parker, and Max around the Scotts’ house.

What initially started out as you sort of pestering Max, because you wanted to pet him so much, ended up being for the majority of the visit, a constant chase of Max after you.

Granted, I think some of it is that he was curious to try your organic yogurt-covered raisins.

But I could also see that Max also truly wanted to be your friend.

I loved watching him follow you around.

What I loved even more was the way you so naturally talked to Max, assuming he definitely understood you.

“Follow me, Max. Come this way with us,” I heard you tell him as you and Parker ventured over to the kitchen.

Later on in the morning, as Max was getting bored of being upstairs watching you and Parker in the “jumpy house,” as you call it, you could tell Max wasn’t being himself:

“What’s wrong, Max? Why are you sad? You want to go downstairs?”

For me, it was like watching three children, two are which were actually human. Even I could see, as you so easily did, that Max wanted your friendship and acceptance; and again, your snacks.

I don’t want to make it seem like our family members are huge animal lovers that let dogs lick our mouths. After all, our family doesn’t have a pet. As we put it, “We’re not dog people and we know this.”

However, Max is different.

We’ve known him for about five years now. He’s like the coolest dog ever. So Mommy and I have tossed around the idea… of getting a Cockapoo when you’re a bit older.

We’ll see.

Love,

Daddy

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I’ve Heard Of Sleepwalking, But… Sleep-Eating And Sleep-Playing?

January 4, 2014 at 10:19 pm , by 

3 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

On the way back from spending Christmas at Nonna and Papa’s house, a very peculiar thing occurred in the car, which happened to be the Lexus LS 460 that I was reviewing last week.

You had fallen asleep with a snack bar in your hand.

An hour later, your hand moved, causing you to subconsciously grasp the snack bar again and bring it to your mouth.

About that time, Mommy whispered my name and told me to give her the camera.

Between the two of us passing the camera back and forth to each other, we were able to capture a 6 frame historical timeline of you going from A) being a asleep, B) rediscovering your snack, C) eating your snack in your sleep, and D) waking up because you ate the snack bar.

I don’t want it to seem like this was a matter of a few seconds, because actually, it was a span of over severalminutes!

Maybe I should start leaving a snack up by your bed at night, so if you get hungry in the middle of the night, but don’t want to bother actually waking up, you could just reach over and enjoy a snack.

Mommy and I have also caught you sleep-playing with your toys.

It’s kind of freaky, actually, to know that we put you to bed hours prior, yet there you are laughing and narrating what Mater and Donatello are doing.

The couple of times it’s happened, when we step into your room to check on you during the middle of it, you seem just as confused as we are.

I’ve heard of sleepwalking before, but never sleep-eating or sleep-playing.

As for me, if I could sleep-work, I would be happy. It’s so hard forcing enough time into my schedule to get everything done.

Then again, if I could sleep-sleep, that would be even better.

Okay, I’m going to bed now.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Disclaimer: The vehicle mentioned in this story was provided at the expense of Lexus, for the purpose of reviewing.

P.S. Here’s a collection of my Toyota family reviews so far; just click on title to read the full story:

2014 Lexus LS 460: 2014 Lexus LS 460 Review, From The Dad’s Perspective; Journey To Howard’s Chapel (The Church Built Into A Rock); Ironically Driving A Lexus To See A Dinosaur Named Junkasaurus Wrecks; What Parents Do When The Kids Are Asleep With The Grandparents; Grandma Regifts As-Seen-On-TV “Perfect Polly” To Great-Grandson; I’ve Heard Of Sleepwalking, But… Sleep-Eating And Sleep-Playing?

2013 Avalon Hybrid: 2013 Toyota Avalon Hybrid Review, From The Dad’s Perspective; A Family That Recycles Together Doesn’t Decompose

2013 Toyota Rav4: 2013 Toyota Rav4 Review, From The Dad’s Perspective

2014 Toyota Tundra: Dad Gives 3 Year-Old Son A Monster Truck For Birthday… Sort Of; Nashville Dad Introduces 3 Year-Old Son To Country Music; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Build-A-Bear; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Little River Falls, AL; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Mountain Driving; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Canyon Land Park; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Canyon Mouth Park

2013 Toyota Sienna: We’re Ready For A Family Road Trip… Minivan Style!; It’s Officially Cool To Drive A Minivan Now

Leave a comment Posted on car reviews, funny, parenting, Storytelling

Grandma Regifts As-Seen-On-TV “Perfect Polly” To Great-Grandson

January 2, 2014 at 9:22 pm , by 

3 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

On Christmas Eve, we took you to go visit one of my grandmas; Nonna’s Mama.

Though you’ve visited her throughout your life, I feel this time was when the light really came on for you, as you curiously confirmed what I explained on the way there:

“Your Grandma is Nonna’s Mama?” you asked.

I see how you are starting to process the concept that a family is more than just a Daddy and a Mommy and a kid.

Also as of recent, you are understanding a family can be less than that, too, as you explained to me one of the characters of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, via Netflix:

“That owl doesn’t have a Mommy. He just has a Daddy.”

We took my Grandma a special Christmas gift,Perfect Polly; which is a “lifelike parakeet” that “never needs feeding.”

(Every time we go to see my Grandma, she always talks about how much she enjoys looking out her window and watching the birds eat seeds from the feeder.)

However, my Grandma instantly offered Perfect Polly to you…. and you gladly accepted. For some reason, you renamed the plastic bird “Sherry.”

Seriously, how random is that? Who would you even know with that name? That’s like naming a bird “Linda” or “Tammy” or Brenda.”

Just like how I started recently making you photo collages to accompany these letters I write you, I noticed that my Grandma keeps a photo collage of family next to her on her bulletin board; many of the pictures being of our family over the years.

Granted, you’re 3 years old, and your attention span is only so long. So after a little while, you and your cousin Calla decided to comb the halls with Papa, in a community wheelchair you found.

Of course, to you it’s not a wheelchair; it’s probably a monster truck, somehow.

I’m glad we got to see my Grandma. I want you to remember her.

Even if you spent half the time playing in the hallway, at least you did get to speak with her and she was able to see how big you’re getting.

After we left, we took you and “Sherry” to go see some Christmas lights in the Lexus LS 460 we were driving for the week; for my car review I was working on.

This Christmas we didn’t really venture too far into the Santa Claus aspect of things.

It was almost like you weren’t quite ready for that.

I feel that we kept things a bit simpler. Our Christmas holiday was more about spending quality time with family.

Speaking of, you were quite fascinated by our fancy ride in the Lexus as we drove through one of the biggest Christmas light displays I’ve seen in a while.

As Nonna put it, “This is like being in our own limo!”

You even got to see Mickey Mouse! (The blurry red figure in the upper left side of the collage.)

I like keeping things simple and nostalgic and eccentric.

Ultimately, aren’t those things what family is anyway?

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Disclaimer: The vehicle mentioned in this story was provided at the expense of Lexus, for the purpose of reviewing.

P.S. Here’s a collection of my Toyota family reviews so far; just click on title to read the full story:

2014 Lexus LS 460: 2014 Lexus LS 460 Review, From The Dad’s Perspective; Journey To Howard’s Chapel (The Church Built Into A Rock); Ironically Driving A Lexus To See A Dinosaur Named Junkasaurus Wrecks; What Parents Do When The Kids Are Asleep With The Grandparents; Grandma Regifts As-Seen-On-TV “Perfect Polly” To Great-Grandson; I’ve Heard Of Sleepwalking, But… Sleep-Eating And Sleep-Playing?

2013 Avalon Hybrid: 2013 Toyota Avalon Hybrid Review, From The Dad’s Perspective; A Family That Recycles Together Doesn’t Decompose

2013 Toyota Rav4: 2013 Toyota Rav4 Review, From The Dad’s Perspective

2014 Toyota Tundra: Dad Gives 3 Year-Old Son A Monster Truck For Birthday… Sort Of; Nashville Dad Introduces 3 Year-Old Son To Country Music; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Build-A-Bear; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Little River Falls, AL; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Mountain Driving; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Canyon Land Park; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Canyon Mouth Park

2013 Toyota Sienna: We’re Ready For A Family Road Trip… Minivan Style!; It’s Officially Cool To Drive A Minivan Now

 

Leave a comment Posted on car reviews, funny, Nostalgia, parenting

Ironically Driving A Lexus To See A Dinosaur Named Junkasaurus Wrecks

January 1, 2014 at 10:43 pm , by 

3 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

In the middle of our test drive of the 2014 Lexus LS 460, you spotted a giant metal robot on the side of the road.

We were all pretty curious, so on this past Christmas morning, around 9:00, we pulled the Lexus into the parking lot of a place calledThe Junkyard.

To be honest, the facility might be the equivalent of the Area 51 of northern Alabama. It’s quite mysterious.

From what I could tell, it appears to be a place where people can book party events. And as part of the ambiance, they have a giant robot named named Lirpa-Anad-Nitsud, by Ekim Snaggog.

As I put together these photo collages of our mini-road trip adventure, I figured out the code: “Lirpa-Anad-Nitsud” is backwards for April-Dana-Dustin and “Ekim Snaggog” is Mike Goggans.

I grew up with a girl namedJess Goggans whose mother is Dana Goggans; whose name is part of the encrypted code I just mentioned. Jess is now a chef and owner of a nearby restaurant called The Hardware Cafe which features her band.

So evidently, her family created these magical works of art for the world to enjoy.

Behind the building, in the backyard behind a wooden fence, were several other “junkyard creatures,” one of them being Junkasaurus Wrecks; a huge dinosaur created out of old car parts, like the robot.

After having just visited the off-beat church that was built into a giant rock, this place seemed to be the perfect follow-up, given its dream-like existence.

Yes, it was one of the most random ways to spend a Christmas morning with Daddy, Papa, and Uncle Andrew.

And of course, let me just point out the obvious irony:

We were driving a luxurious (!) 2014 Lexus LS 460 when we stumbled upon the place. I think that brand-new Lexus has already lived a quite interesting life in its 1600 miles so far.

What would have made more sense is if we had been driving a 1984 Toyota Land Cruiser J40, the awesome retro predecessor of the modern day FJ Cruiser; which I hear is in its final year of production.

But no, we were driving the nicest car I’ve ever driven (or will drive?) in my life.

Funny story, huh?

That’s the kind of thing you can expect by having a daddy like me. I just seem to find myself in these peculiar and unscripted situations.

Hey, maybe it’s where I’m from? After all, my hometown of Fort Payne, AL is where Junkasaurus Wrecks lives.

He and I grew up on the same stompin’ grounds!

I think there’s something to be said about that. While growing up in a state that is so often parodied in media and is so easily reduced to the stereotypical lyrics of a Country music song, the part of the state I grew up in was actually pretty woodsy and artsy.

Sort of like Oregon and Colorado and Maine all combined.

Plus, it didn’t help that I had a very eccentric Italian grandfather from Kenosha, WI, and a Mexican grandmother from Buffalo, NY; who I will be featuring very soon in an upcoming letter.

Basically, I had no chance of being an average, normal guy. And you are my son. In other words, no matter what we do, life will be interesting for our family.

Because we will make it that way, when it isn’t already.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Disclaimer: The vehicle mentioned in this story was provided at the expense of Lexus, for the purpose of reviewing.

P.S. Here’s a collection of my Toyota family reviews so far; just click on title to read the full story:

2014 Lexus LS 460: 2014 Lexus LS 460 Review, From The Dad’s Perspective; Journey To Howard’s Chapel (The Church Built Into A Rock); Ironically Driving A Lexus To See A Dinosaur Named Junkasaurus Wrecks; What Parents Do When The Kids Are Asleep With The Grandparents; Grandma Regifts As-Seen-On-TV “Perfect Polly” To Great-Grandson; I’ve Heard Of Sleepwalking, But… Sleep-Eating And Sleep-Playing?

2013 Avalon Hybrid: 2013 Toyota Avalon Hybrid Review, From The Dad’s Perspective; A Family That Recycles Together Doesn’t Decompose

2013 Toyota Rav4: 2013 Toyota Rav4 Review, From The Dad’s Perspective

2014 Toyota Tundra: Dad Gives 3 Year-Old Son A Monster Truck For Birthday… Sort Of; Nashville Dad Introduces 3 Year-Old Son To Country Music; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Build-A-Bear; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Little River Falls, AL; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Mountain Driving; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Canyon Land Park; 3rd Birthday Monster Truck Road Trip: Canyon Mouth Park

2013 Toyota Sienna: We’re Ready For A Family Road Trip… Minivan Style!; It’s Officially Cool To Drive A Minivan Now