I am fascinated by the way we as humans all show up with our unique personalities and motivations, collectively working together despite our differences, and thanks to our differences.

This past week was my kids’ Spring Break. No, we did not drive to Destin, Florida and take a cute family photo on the beach while wearing Vineyard Vines.

Instead, we naturally made our way to Fort Payne, Alabama to… you know… gut the house we bought there but haven’t moved into yet.

You may be familiar with the concept behind the children’s book, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. If so, I could understandably entitle this blog post, “If You Give Your Wife New Kitchen Cabinets.”

If you give your wife new kitchen cabinets for the house you bought that was built in 1996, she’s going to want new bathrooms. If you give your wife new bathrooms, she’s going to want new floors…

As for me, I figured I would rather get any potential renovations out of the way now: A) while we still have a couple of months leading up to the official move, and B) because I don’t want this hanging over me a year from now, 5 years from now, or 10 years from now.

Fortunately, my wife and I are both obsessed with finding the cheapest and most practical way to get what we want.

My wife Jill is a talented event planner. She found the best contractors to build our cabinets, install new bathrooms, and put in new floors. And in order to help fit this all in the budget, it meant “we” would gut the entire house ourselves (other than the sheetrock)… effectively saving us over $3,000.

That “we” would extend to my parents, my sister and her husband.

When our daughter saw our work, she proclaimed, “Daddy, you destroyed the house!”

To be clear, my wife and I have zero experience when it comes to the deconstruction and demolition of a house. In our 15 years of marriage, we have only lived in new construction.

Fortunately, my dad was able to lead us in the festivities.

And this is the part I find fascinating about the process. Like I said in the beginning, we all have unique personalities and motivations to guide us through life. At some point this year, I will be publishing my first book, which is about this very topic. Specifically, it’s about Enneagram.

In case you are not familiar, allow me to nerd out about it for a minute…

Every human being is driven by a specific coping system to get their needs met, which is referred to as their Enneagram number. There are nine total. Whichever number you are, you are also majorly influenced by the neighboring numbers on both sides of you. The neighboring number you depend on more is referred to as your dominant wing.

Here are the Enneagram Numbers:

1- The Reformer; 2- The Helper; 3- The Achiever, 4- The Individualist, 5- The Investigator, 6- The Loyalist, 7- The Enthusiast, 8- The Challenger, 9- The Mediator

For example, I am a number 9, the mediator. My existence in this life is to find peace and harmony with the world and within myself. However, my dominant wing is an 8, the challenger. So the way I am wired, I am always looking for a challenge to overcome so that then… I can be at peace, without distraction.

My wife is the inverse of me. She is an 8. Her existence is found in the need to always be overcoming a challenge. But her dominant wing is a 9. So she is always seeking peace and harmony with others and herself… so that she can focus on the current challenge, without distraction.

Between the two of us, she and I, there is much seeking for challenges and for peace.

Then we add my dad, who is also an 8, like my wife. And my brother-in-law, who is a 9, like me. Double that order of challenges and peace!

My mom is a 2, the helper. While she definitely was involved with the deconstruction process with us, she also served the very important role of preparing lunch for us each day.

My sister is a 6, the loyalist. She not only provided her house for us to each lunch, just down the street from our house, but also, she was the reason we never had to worry about our kids all week. Because they stayed with her so we could do the work on the house.

Everyone played a very important role. Interestingly, everyone naturally assumed their role… and their Enneagram number.

Being certified as an Enneagram coach and having written a book about it, I am sure you can understand that similar to the classic VH1 show, Pop-Up Video, I see the world through the lens of which Enneagram number each person is- and then I interact with them accordingly.

At the end of the work week, we all had dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant there: Mi Casita. Every time someone walked in the door, we happened to know them. They all pretty much opened with the same line:

“Ya’ll are getting a lot of work done this week! I have been seeing your pile out front in the yard.”

I call it our “No Guts, No Glory Tour 2024”.

And for the record, we paid the city 80 bucks to come pick up our pile of junk. It’s all cleared now.