It felt like both a personal tragedy as well as the biggest relief, the moment I realized, “Oh… my personal opinion doesn’t really matter all that much outside of my own head. Wait… nobody cares? This is horrible! Wait… nobody cares? Ah… this is great, actually.”
And it wasn’t just me. I now can see that regardless of their current age, so many people live their lives constantly chasing validation of their own identity. It was a sobering revelation for me to realize this about myself- and it explained how I had lived so many years of my life.
Especially in my early and mid 30s, I “needed” people to agree with my opinions: I needed to “be right”. I took on the impossible responsibility of trying to make everyone around me think like I did.
But now at this point in life, I am years into living with the refreshing perspective that so little of the things that people worry about actually matter… as most of those things people worry about are the things we don’t actually have any control over.
A couple months ago I came across a meme that I found particularly helpful. Granted, it was laced in profanity. So here’s my own cleaned up version:
“Stages of the Awakening”
- Blissful ignorance.
- Nothing makes sense anymore.
- We’re doomed.
- Wake up, sheeple!
- Get off my lawn!
- Realizing that becoming the most loving and joyful version of myself, despite the chaos of the world around me, is the greatest rebellion.
Part of why I am finding it so much easier to be the most loving and joyful version of myself is because I stopped seeking the “validation of being right”. Granted, I still live by strong convictions that guide my own personal decisions and my lifestyle.
But I now know if I were even able to successfully prove I am right and another person is wrong, I would not be rewarded with that person’s respect. Instead, I would be met with their resentment. That is what life has actually taught me.
The self-destructive default had been for me to attempt to gain a sense of control over others by trying to convince them to agree with our my perspective, yet what I was actually seeking was emotional connection with the people in my life.
My personal opinion doesn’t really matter all that much outside of my own head. Being emotionally connected with other people does. Got it.
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