Month: June 2014

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting

Jackzilla, King of the Living Room Floor

July 13, 2011 at 8:14 pm , by 

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting, Storytelling

Beauty is in the Eye of the Baby Holder

July 12, 2011 at 10:22 pm , by 

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting

The Bittersweet Move Back to Nashville: July 16th

July 11, 2011 at 10:38 pm , by 

Seven months.

Yes, you did read that right.  No, this isn’t a rerun from March.  This coming Saturday on July 16th as Jack turns eight months old, we return to Music City for keeps.

Imagine you’re me.  You were raised in the Eighties and were taught that money isn’t everything but that being happy is.  You were constantly told that if you really believe, you can achieve your dreams.  So at age 29, you decide to choose happiness over money and move your wife and 3 week old son back to your hometown to be close to family.  You willingly choose less money and less busyness with the purest intentions.

Enter four months of unemployment, then living from savings despite eventually getting a job.  Then after eight months since moving, you come to the realization that it is not a choice to move your family back to Nashville, but simply the only option.

It’s ironic how it took me four months to find a job and how my wife was sent countless rejection letters for all the places she applied, never landing a job that would keep us from dipping into savings every month; yet in a matter of just a few days and few emails, both my wife and I have jobs lined up in Nashville where we will begin Monday, July 18th.

Our former employers are taking us back.  It’s that simple.  Granted, this means we have to put Jack in daycare.  We will barely see him on weekdays because by the time I drive him home from daycare, he will only be awake for an hour before it’s his bedtime.

So, how do I feel about this?  Bittersweet.

We came here truly believing that we would be spending the rest of our lives here; thinking it would be the last time we would have to unpack our things. And when it seemed our expectations were being threatened, we only tried that much harder to make this work.  But our resistance was futile.

As I have mentioned before, a married man can never stop thinking about his need to provide for his family. So imagine what kind of psychological toil this constant wondering has taken on my own sanity.  For the fact we will be able to pay our bills without dipping into what’s left of our savings; well, that’s more relieving than I can say.  But yes, we will have to move away from my family and they won’t see Jack as much as they used to.

He and his cousin were going to be attending the same school and be in the same grade.  Not now, though.  It’s only a 2 and a half hour drive, but still, things will be somewhat different.

By this point, I am nearly emotionless when it comes having to repack our lives again.  Because again, it’s not a choice to be made; it’s the only option.

So I am accepting my fate.  I was not meant to live in my hometown with my family.  Instead, I was meant to live and work in Nashville, one of my favorite cities in the world.

I am choosing to move forward and be positive about it.  There have been a lot of things we’ve missed tremendously about Nashville: Our church, our friends, our quirky restaurants, proximity to Country music stars, and surprisingly more than you would think, shopping for groceries at Publix, where shopping is a pleasure.

As much as I enjoyed growing up in my hometown and the great memories I always have, it has ultimately proven to be the wrong fit for the 2011 version of me, which includes my wife and son.  And that’s not my hometown’s fault.  It’s just that Nashville is simply where we belong.

My wife and I met there.  My wife was baptized there.  We got married there.  Our son was born there.  Heck, even this blog was born there.

One of our mutually favorite movies is Away We Go, starring John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph.  As they prepare for the birth of their first child, they travel to several cities to figure out where their new home as a family is.  It’s obviously very relatable for my wife and me.

After sticking it out this long, we were obviously more than willing to make this thing work in my hometown.  But now it’s time to return to where our home, as a family, is.

Need another pop culture reference?  This reminds me of the best TV show ever made (and that ever will be made), Lost.  Those who crashed on the island were “chosen” by the island for a purpose.  Even when six of them eventually found a way to leave and go back to their homes, they ultimately had to return because the island still needed them there.

For us, Nashville is the island.  We just need to watch out for those darn polar bears.

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

Parenting is the Most Controversial Thing I Do, Apparently

July 9, 2011 at 4:07 pm , by 

Seven months.

I find it fascinating that as parents, we are often quick to point out the perceived flaws of other parents, as if it’s some game to “out” who the “bad parents” really  are in our society.

After 48 hours of being published, my post “Positively Communicating with My Seven Month Old Son” received over 1,300 “likes” on Facebook.  Interestingly, during that same short period of time, on Parents Magazine’s Facebook page my article received 167 comments; most of them vehemently criticizing me, while some passionately supported and defended me.

I’m learning just how polarizing my perspective on parenting can be.  When I published that post, I had no idea that it would ever become so popular, as well as, so infamous.  I just thought it was another post like any other day.  It didn’t stand out as particularly special to me.  Boy, was I wrong- because it hit a sweet spot for so many readers and struck a nerve with the rest.  People either completely loved it, or hated it as much as I despise the TV show 16 and Pregnant.

Some of the best entertainment I’ve had in a while was reading through all the comments on the Facebook wall for Parents Magazine.  While I felt so encouraged from those who supported me, the majority of the people who opposed my viewpoint said some really angry and/or hilarious stuff.  (One of my favorite comments involves a unicorn.)

A common occurrence from several readers was the feeling that my tone was snobbish.  This was implied because I stated I don’t like to see parents sarcastically joke about giving their kids away to strangers in public. (What about parents who can’t have children? How do they feel when they witness this same event?)

Sure, it regularly crosses my mind that having a child is tough; especially when he is not behaving as I would like. But I’m his dad and I’m suppose to be his number one supporter, not his number one critic.

Am I naïve and inexperienced when it comes to being a parent?  Of course I am. I’ve only been a dad for seven months.

I have to speculate that that has something to do with why Parents.com chose me as their official daddy blogger, instead of a seasoned veteran who actually knew what they were doing.  My lack of experience is one of the reasons The Dadabaseis interesting- because I am a newbie.  I am learning something new as a parent everyday.  I am wet behind the ears; that’s sort of my specialty here.

However, I was additionally perceived as a snob because some readers felt that I do not yet have the authority to write about communicating with my child because he is so young. But like I said in the article, I’m setting up the patterns now for how I will speak to him as he gets older.  After all, it’s a gradual process and this is my way of preparing for it.

Another reoccurring (and I believe, caricatured) perception of me from those who disagreed with my viewpoint  is that I am a hippie living in La La Land. That I am just so easygoing that my son is going to walk all over my wife and me as he gets older.  That I am so preoccupied with not speaking sarcastically to my son that I will completely neglect the need for discipline.

Ironically, just a couple of days ago I did a Dadabase post about I how endorse and practice the “cry it out” method to get my son to sleep at night, prompting one reader to post this comment: “Actually, what you have done is not teach him to sleep well, but teach him that, no matter how hard he cries, how scared and alone he feels, or what his needs may be, you will not be there for him… Congratulations!”

The truth is, I actually worship the importance of creating structure for my son, setting realistic expectations for him, and when the time eventually comes, following through with discipline; not just threatening it.

It’s interesting to me that  I am paradoxically both a snob and a hippie. What a weird combo.

Side note: Thanks to the Facebook wall comments, I was made aware of the fact that there was a typo in the article.  I said “my wife and I” when I should have said “my wife and me.”  My college degree is in English, of all things.  So that’s one embarrassing faux pas.  I went back and fixed it.

To some,  I came across as a snob who thinks I am better than other parents and that my parenting style is superior to theirs.  Similarly, these same readers jumped at the chance to criticize me for disagreeing with their own parenting technique.  Is it safe to assume that these readers who so passionately disagree think that their parenting style is superior to mine?

As parents, we all do what works best for us and what we believe will be best for our children.  We all have controversial parenting styles compared to other parents out there.

But while it may appear that I am clueless or fanatical to be so darn positive, just know this: My head may be in the clouds, but my feet are planted firmly on solid ground.

Intentional symbolism.

Leave a comment Posted on Uncategorized

My Baby-Sporting Utility Vehicle: The Honda Element

July 8, 2011 at 8:07 pm , by 

Seven months.

Shortly after we moved to Alabama from Nashville, my friend Jon Kennedy and his wife, Amelia, came to visit us in our snowed-in cottage home. I remember Jon suggesting that I write about how a man’s car evolves once a baby enters the picture.  After all, some men really do have to trade in their sports cars for minivans.  If not, there are certainly some types of conversions that must take place to make a man’s vehicle “baby friendly” and “baby practical.”  That is, unless you’re me, and you drive a 2004 Honda Element- the best car ever invented!

(Except for maybe the Delorean…).

In my Honda Element, there is virtually no cloth or carpet; all surfacing material is rubber, plastic, or vinyl- even the seats.  So there is no crying to be done over spilled formula or leaky bottles.  The ceiling in my car is especially high, giving Jack the sense that he is not closed in- which is especially important on hour-long trips.  Facing the rear of the vehicle, he has so much visibility not only above him but around him through all the windows.

One of the most unique features about Elements is that the two rear seats fold up into the side of the vehicle when not in use, instead of just simply folding down.  This creates plenty of cargo space- say, for a Pack-and-Play crib or even a corn hold set.

Another great thing about the seats is that they fully recline.  This makes for a convenient diaper-changing station when Jack has a wet or dirty diaper after having just arrived at our destination.

And behind the rear seats, there is still plenty of storage space.  I can easily fit his Jeep walker back there without any grief.

That’s right; my Honda Element is spacious, versatile, and easy to maintain.  Those things are important to me as a dad.  Because ultimately that means I drive a very practical and ideal vehicle for hauling around a little bambino.

It’s no coincidence that in 2007, the Honda Element won the “Dog Car of the Year” from Dogcar.com.  It only makes sense that if it’s good enough for a baby, it’s good enough for a dog.

Sadly, 2011 is the final year of production for Honda.  So I guess that means eventually I’ll be driving a classic vehicle.  Because I just can’t imagine driving anything other than Jedi- that’s what I named my Element back in 2006 when I bought it.

That is, unless, this particular Dadabase becomes so popular that Honda decides to bring back the Element because the demand for them becomes so high that it would ultimately bring forth the…

Return of the Jedi!