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Manspeak, Volume 13: Composure

I am part of the old school that sees giving Ritalin or any other kind of prescription drug to a boy to cause him to “settle down” is an act that goes against nature. Throughout his youth, the instructions a boy hears the most involve the phrases “pay attention”, “behave yourself”, “calm down”, and “act your age”. And I wasn’t even one of those wild, rambunctious kids that annoyed the teacher because I distracted others yet still managed to get my work done.

Men are doers. Therefore, boys are very active and easily find trouble.

When it came to getting into trouble in school, the reason girls would get into trouble seemed to always be for the same reason: talking. But for boys, it could be for just about anything. Making a mess. Breaking things. Being rude. And physically hurting others.

By the time Junior High came around, most boys began to outgrow their immaturity and the main trouble they found themselves in became losing their temper and getting in fights. I remember in 8th grade one of our breaks was taken away because of how many fights kept occurring in the halls and around the lockers. Though I was never in any of those fights, I was always happy to be a spectator.

My favorite fight happened one Tuesday morning in the boy’s bathroom my 8th grade year. About 20 of us had heard there was going to be a fight after 2nd period so we all showed up in that cold, crowded arena. There was barely breathing room for those of us there to watch, and barely moving room for the two 14-year old boys who volunteered to entertain us. The chanting began: “Fight! Fight! Fight!” The look of nervousness was obvious on both of their faces as the closest audience members began shoving them into each other.

It became clear to me that this was a well-marketed, yet uninspired fight. Then the two would-be fighters started talking:

“What are we fighting about?”
“I don’t know. Somebody said you were talking about my mama.”
“No, I didn’t. Wasn’t me.”
“Oh.”
(Awkward pause.)
“Well I’m leaving.”
(He leaves the bathroom.)

As we began filing out of there, obviously disappointed, one smart Alec breaks the silence: “Anybody else got anything to fight about?” He shrugged like a cheesy car salesman watching a potential buyer walk away from the lot.

If only men could easily compose themselves like those two boys did, and unlike the rest of us there hoping to see them lose their composure.

Instead, we can easily become angry. Or hurtful. Or embarrass ourselves by saying something stupid like “When’s the baby due?” to a woman who had her baby three months ago.

And if not, if we can actually pay attention, behave ourselves, calm down, and act our age, we can easily end up becoming passive-aggressive. Because we know we are supposed to act civilized, being taught that expressing our frustrations is a bad thing, but yet we are still hard-wired to act and react the opposite.

Should we be tame? Should we be adventurous? Should we be passive-aggressive? Most of us deep down are going through some kind of identity crisis. Understandably.

“Society tells us we’re civilized, but the truth is we are animals. Sometimes we just have to let it out.”  -Sydney Fife from I Love You, Man

All pictures with the “JHP” logo were taken by Joe Hendricks Photography:

Blog- www.photojoeblog.com

Website- www.joehendricks.com

Manspeak Table of Contents

Volume 0: Introduction http://wp.me/pxqBU-8G
Volume 1: Humor http://wp.me/pxqBU-1i
Volume 2: Heroism http://wp.me/pxqBU-1m
Volume 3: Filtration http://wp.me/pxqBU-1p
Volume 4: Stance http://wp.me/pxqBU-1s
Volume 5: Movement http://wp.me/pxqBU-1v
Volume 6: Law http://wp.me/pxqBU-3h
Volume 7: Bromance http://wp.me/pxqBU-3W
Volume 8: Relaxation http://wp.me/pxqBU-6a
Volume 9: Appearance http://wp.me/pxqBU-6f
Volume 10: Exploration http://wp.me/pxqBU-6O
Volume 11: Responsibility http://wp.me/pxqBU-8v
Volume 12: Transparency http://wp.me/pxqBU-8J
Volume 13: Composure http://wp.me/pxqBU-8N

2 Comments Posted on Nostalgia, People, Storytelling, Uncategorized

The Teaching of Mr. Miyagi: Avoiding Awkwardness, Confrontations, and Fights

There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who complain at restaurants about their order being less than perfect and those who just let it go. I have learned that my wife and I are the ones that don’t complain and just overlook it. The last thing we want when we’re out to enjoy a nice meal is a confrontation. It’s just not worth it to us to 1) call the waiter to the table and explain why our order is not right, 2) have to listen to him apologize, 3) have the manager come to our table and apologize and tell us our meal is free, 4) accept a free meal on account of someone’s minor mistake. I hate feeling awkward. It’s one of my quirks.

In a great movie that was made ten years ago called Fight Club, leader Tyler Durden gives his members a homework assignment: Start a fight with someone and lose. He then explains, “Most people, normal people, do anything to avoid a confrontation.” I can definitely vouch for that.

Why did telemarketing lasted for so long in our country’s history (until President Bush outlawed it a few years ago)? Because annoying and aggressive telemarketers were ultimately successful. While most people had enough confidence to politely say “no thanks” and hang up, many people caved to the confrontation. They would rather commit to a magazine subscription for two years and “not make the other person feel bad”. Or worse, become a victim of a time-share related pyramid scheme by a “friend”.

For every 30 no’s, there was one yes. And that yes brought good profit. Same thing applies to those annoying salesman in the middle isles at the mall that want to “give you a free ring cleaning”, A.K.A.- try to sell people something to clean their ring with.

I don’t have a problem with confronting someone if it’s about something important. But if it’s not, then it’s better time management to just avoid the situation. I don’t like having to argue with someone when I am solid in my decision. If I am asked to buy something or do something I don’t want to do, the answer is no. And if I’m further asked, then just to spite the person I tend to get aggressive with them, then later spend time thinking about how annoying they where. So my rule of thumb is the same as the point of the 1986 film Karate Kid Part II- the best way to win a fight is to avoid it.

Tips:1) When at the mall or walking into or out of a Wal-Mart on Saturday, I put my cell phone up to my ear when I see a salesman. They prey on the weak and undistracted.
2) When someone is calling me on my cell phone from a number that is not already programmed as one of  my contacts, don’t answer it. It is definitely someone I don’t want to talk to.
3) When at a restaurant, order salmon, not steak. Then I don’t have to worry about my meal being undercooked. Also, I won’t be tempted so say the cliché phrase that your steak is “still mooing at me”.
4) When at the movies and I realize I’m sitting in front of some punk teenage kids that are going to be talking during the movie and putting their feet on the back of my seat, I just get up and sit somewhere else. They’re idiots and no matter how nicely I tell them, they’re gonna be annoying anyway.