fatherhood

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The Reluctant Leader And The Science-Minded Handyman

January 12, 2014 at 3:25 pm , by 

3 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

There are some awesome children’s toys from the Eighties that just never really went away… fortunately.

Like Tranformers, Care Bears, and Smurfs.

But the ones that you are most excited about right now are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

Nonna and Papa got you a nearly life-size Donatello for Christmas and he has become like My Buddy, an Eighties toy that didn’t survive, to you.

I haven’t asked my parents why they chose Donatello for you; after all, I was never too crazy about him when I was a boy.

Michaelango was the obnoxious one. Donatello was the forgettable one. Raphael was the emotional one. And Leonardo was the leader. That’s how I always perceived them, at least.

But when I really thought about it, Donatello is perfect for you! Because if you were a Ninja Turtle, that’s exactly who you’d be:

As the original theme song simpy explains, “Donatello does machines.”

You have the technical mind that I don’t. While I can easily take something apart, you’re going to be the kind of guy who can not only take them apart, but also put them back together.

Where as I definitely fall short in having the handy man mindset, you’ve always showed me signs of it. Plus, you are smart. As for me, I tend to just “fake it ’til I make it.” I graduated with a degree in English simply because I wasn’t good enough or focused enough on anything else.

A lot of people think I’m smart, but I’m not. I’m just clever and determined; and there’s definitely a difference!

The reason Donatello was “the forgettable one” for me while growing up was because he was the one I least related to.

My favorite Ninja Turtle was always Leonardo, the reluctant leader, like Jack Shephard onLost.

Sure enough, I took this “Ninja Turtle Personality Quiz” on Spike.com and confirmed what I already knew. I am Leonardo, the reluctant leader:

“You’re aggressive, but not in an overbearing manner. You’re known for being very organized and helpful. You’re very practical and there as a friend, while being relatively low maintenance and asking for little in return. People see you as a leader. Unfortunately, you weren’t elected to that position, and some resent you for being kind of a control freak.”

Meanwhile, here’s what the quiz said about Donatello, who I think you are:

“You’re very meticulous and scientifically minded. You excelled at academics and that’s transferred into your current career. You’re very loyal, inoffensive, and reliable. However, you can also be aloof and so wrapped up in what you’re doing that you neglect your social and familial obligations.”

Going back to my own “Leonardo personality,” earlier this week I happened to read part of a book called Eat Right 4 Your Type.

It explained that people who are have Type A blood (like me) actually make for the best vegans (interesting!) and it also said Type A blooded people also tend to have the “Reluctant Leader” complex; naming former Presidents Jimmy Carter and Richard Nixon as examples.

(I’m guessing this applies to several classic Bible heroes, too; like Noah, Moses, and David.)

The findings of both the Ninja Turtle quiz and the Blood Type quiz simply confirm what every other personality quiz I’ve taken has always said: I am your reluctant leader.

My whole life, I have had to be a leader in some compacity. I always find myself becoming the leader of the group, by default, never by choice. It happened every single time in school where I was part of a group project, in every place I’ve ever worked at, and with family dynamics, as well.

Even now, I never intended to make this such a teachable moment. I meant to just write about your new favorite Ninja Turtle doll.

Get used to it, I guess. After all, I am Leonardo and you are Donatello.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

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Photo Of Doyin Richards, Of Daddy Doin’ Work, Goes Viral

January 8, 2014 at 9:13 pm , by 

3 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

I’m very passionate about shining a spotlight on any stories or situations where dads are being portrayed in a positive spotlight, unlike 20/20’s disrespectful Father’s Day piece entitled “D Is For Dad And Dumb,” or those stereotypicalRobitussin commercials where the dad can’t help but wake the baby with all his annoying coughs.

Here’s a perfect example of the exact kind of story I love to feature:

A picture of Los Angeles dad (and blogger) Doyin Richards has gone viral. In the photo, he is seen brushing his daughter’s hair, while cradling his baby in an Ergo.

I think it’s interesting to dissect why this picture has resonated with so many people.

To me, it’s a candid view of what modern fatherhood is all about: involvement.

Clearly, this dad is involved… very involved– to the point he’s multitasking with his two children.

The picture is credible and sincere; and I think people appreciate that.

In addition to those things, I also found subtle and charming humor in it. I do see irony, but not the kind of irony as to imply that it’s weird for men to “babysit,” because that’s an outdated concept that both Doyin and I agree is not cool, as I see from this other picture from his blog, Daddy Doin’ Work.

What makes me laugh is because Doyin Richards appears to be a large, muscular, masculine guy who seems to be quite familiar with the routine and method of simultaneously getting his daughters ready in the morning; a very caring and thoughtful image.

He illustrates a perfect paradox of being both strong and gentile.

I’m sure the rest of the world has their own reasons for making the picture so popular, but those are the reasons I like it so much.

Gentile, yet strong, and definitely involved- I say that’s a good way to describe the modern dad.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Photo credit: Doyin Richards of Daddy Doin’ Work.

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A Dad’s Letter To His Son On His 3rd Birthday

November 16, 2013 at 12:23 am , by 

Three years old!

Dear Jack,

While I’ve been writing about you since the day Mommy and I went public with the fact Mommy was pregnant, back on April 13, 2010, it wasn’t until exactly one year ago on your 2nd birthday that I wrote directly to you for the first time.

I meant it as just a special, one time thing.

But I got addicted… and after that first time, I decided to officially change my format of writing about you, to where I write to you.

Exactly a year has passed since that night I sat at our coffee table and cried so hard, realizing my love for you.

Tonight, I’m less emotional in that sense. Instead, I’m feeling fully grounded in how I feel about you and how I understand my love for you.

Instead of a groundbreaking ephiphany, today I simply am grateful for the gift of peace of mind and heart; a gift the world can not give.

In this moment, that is my life. I think of that song, “On Top Of The World” by Imagine Dragons, to describe how I feel about you and me:

“I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take you with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child
I’m on top of the world.”

For me, this year will be remembered as the year I discovered the importance of praying for wisdom, humility, and grace.

Those are three things I need every day to be the man who appreciates the priviledge, responsibility, and blessings of loving you and Mommy.

Love isn’t easy, as I’ve to written you before.

But honestly, raising you is getting so easy these days. Not that changing diapers was ever a big deal to me, but you’re transitioning your way into “big boy underwear” now, for example.

You can talk! We have conversations! Real conversations!

You can identify the difference between Fords and Chevys by looking at their logos. How cool is that?

And I definitely don’t know how you do it, but you can not only tell the difference between a Mustang and Camaro, but know whether it’s a new or an old one.

Quite impressive.

And I think, “Man, I taught you how to do that!” Our long drives to school and back everyday serve as an opportunity for me to teach you something.

I like teaching you something. I always will. That’s one of the things I love most about being your Daddy.

When I’m showing you the world, even in its seemingly most frivolous details, I feel alive and connected to the universe.

It’s like you and the universe are sort of the same thing anyway.

Happy 3rd Birthday, Son. I love you with all that I have.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

 

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I Just Wanted To Say, I’m Proud of You

September 19, 2013 at 11:11 pm , by 

2 years, 10 months.

Dear Jack,

Every morning as we’re getting ready to leave the house, one of the last things I do is put on your shoes.

Today, though, I came back from brushing my teeth to see you smiling on the stairs, with your new Sketchers already on.

In theory, I may have made a bigger of a deal out of it that necessary, but I had never considered that you could put your shoes on yourself.

I’ve always done that for you… everyday since I can remember.

You loved the fact you surprised me with this new skill of yours.

Then, shortly after, you sang your ABC’s all the way through, without messing up. That’s the first time I’ve heard you do that so flawlessly.

I’m proud of you. I just want to say that.

To be clear, I don’t just simply mean publicly. Sure, I’m proud of you like that, too.

But what I am really getting at is, privately, without the world watching or aware, I am proud of you.

As in, you make me proud, as my son.

I was thinking about this morning all day. During my lunch break, I stopped by Target to try to find you a 97 cent FJ Cruiser or Hummer; two SUV’s you are currently obsessed with.

You have way too many Hot Wheels cars already, but I just wanted to express my feelings to you. Turns out, I found neither car at the store, but just know I was so impressed by you that I at least tried.

Letting you know I’m proud of you is something I always want to keep at the forefront of our relationship. It’s important to me that you always know how I feel about you.

If I end up saying it too much, so be it.

 

Love,

Daddy

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Boys Don’t Cry… To Get What They Want From Daddy

September 17, 2013 at 8:22 pm , by