family planning

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This is Not a Facebook Pregnancy Announcement, Just a Social Commentary about Them…

This is Not a Facebook Pregnancy Announcement, Just a Social Commentary about Them...

I want to be extremely clear. I am definitely, absolutely not (!) hinting at all that we are having another baby.

Just to be clear, there is not another baby on the way. I promise.

At least not one that I am aware of…

But I do admit, that having been in our new house for 6 months (as of next week) and having been debt-free for over 2 years now (other than our mortgage), life in the new house has created an environment in which having another baby can now be… considered.

It’s now a conversation that takes place. There’s now logic behind the reasoning, in my mind.

It wasn’t a conversation before. It wasn’t practical, then. But now that our son is nearly 5 years-old, the thought of expanding our family, in a 4 bedroom house as compared to our 2 bedroom townhouse, sounds less intimidating. At this point, unless we had twins, we wouldn’t have 2 babies or 2 really young children at the same time.

Instead, we would have a Kindergartner and a newborn.

That thought doesn’t terrify me.

I’m sure I could expand more on the why, but for now, I simply want to usher in the subject by acknowledging the culture behind announcing a pregnancy over Facebook.

These days, even if you’re just simply a casual Facebook user, there is still a social expectation that you’re supposed to do some kind of clever “Facebook pregnancy announcement” for everyone.

I created the meme above to demonstrate what I mean.

So now that that sort of thing is the norm, I feel like it’s part of the process of considering having another child.

You have to decide the boy and the girl name.

You have to decide how you want to prepare the baby’s room.

And you have to decide how to make a Facebook announcement, which is sure to get at least 75% of your Facebook friends to “like”.

This is Not a Facebook Pregnancy Announcement, Just a Social Commentary about Them...

I should close by once again making it clear I have no official announcement to make here.

The future holds possibilities because of where we are at in life now; whereas before, we weren’t ready.

If there is any kind of announcement at all, that would be it.

Well, actually, publicly realizing I am open to having another child is a pretty big deal- to me, at least.

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Dear Jack: We’ve Been In Our New House A Month… So Now What?

4 years, 3 months.

Dear Jack: We’ve Been In Our New House A Month… So Now What?

Dear Jack,

The way Mommy and I are wired, we have to always have some big project or plan or scheme we are working towards. It’s always been that way with us.

On the surface, there’s a decent chance our family appears to be pretty laid back. In reality, I think it’s that we’re always busy and moving because we aren’t that good at… whatever the opposite of that is.

So I have to admit, it has felt a little strange this week, not having some certain big challenge ahead of us.

We worked our way out of debt for the first 5 years of our (almost) 7 years of marriage (while Mommy earned her Master’s degree), then saved up for this house, then moved into it, and now here we are…

So now what?

Dear Jack: We’ve Been In Our New House A Month… So Now What?

I suppose we should simply enjoy our lives now. It’s just not that easy for us.

No, the answer is not simply having another child. Our current state of restlessness is not based on us wanting to grow our family. It’s an option to consider for the near future, as I can appreciate not having two kids in preschool at the same time; but just not something we’re focused on right now.

I think the reality of it is that we need to learn how to enjoy taking it easy. It’s somewhat unnatural for us, actually.

It’s time to start focusing on spending time with friends, learning new songs on the guitar, and planning some new road trips for our family- hopefully “car reviewing season” will be beginning soon.

This is, in essence, a season of the Sabbath for us. Sometimes you really do have to just slow down and appreciate the good things in life.

I’m in culture shock right now. Here’s to trying to just lay low for a while… until that new project presents itself, which I’m sure it will.

Love,

Daddy

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Breeding: The Unromantic Word for Falling in Love and Starting a Family

And the strong (obnoxious, boring, weird, weak, normal, overachieving, nerdy, cool, self-destructive, righteous, intelligent…) survive.

I am fascinated by Animal Planet. It’s impossible not to learn something cool after watching even 15 minutes of that channel. A few weeks ago I saw a special about the mating rituals of rams. The female ram stays at the top of a rocky mountain and all of her “gentleman callers” begin the climb from the bottom. Each of them attempts to be the first to get to the top of the mountain while fighting off (sometimes to death) the other pursuers. Whichever ram proves he is the best protector and provider during this process and proves himself best to care for the she-ram. All in the name of mating. The she-ram will be taken care of by the best possible male and breed with the strongest and healthiest.

From a romantic perspective, we humans fall in love and spend the rest of our lives with the one person we can’t imagine living without, eventually having children with them as an extension of that love. But from a scientific and psychological perspective, we subconsciously choose the person who is most like ourselves yet with enough necessary opposing complimentary traits for a healthy and balanced relationship. I used to have a hard time understanding how women who find themselves in an abusive relationship finally leave it, only to end up with another abusive man. Or how the rudest, most obnoxious jerk of a guy can end up marrying a woman who seems completely normal.

I get it now, though. The match to an abuser is an enabler. The match to a chaotic person is often a someone who needs to control chaos or be controlled by it. Then they have babies and pass along those same extreme virtues to them and the cycle repeats.

Similarly the same thing happens for the rest of us, who are not abusers, enablers, or drama kings and queens. Without realizing it we find, meet, fall in love with, and start a family with the person who is best qualified to pass on our shared attitudes, values, interests, and weird quirks. I married the woman who was best qualified to make it through the tough times and big decisions with me, as well as be the best companion to just simply hang out with when nothing is really going on. Even though it’s strangely unAmerican, we’re not big sports fans. Sometimes I like to remind my wife how lucky she is that she never has to worry about me wanting to watch “the big game” while something is on TV that she wants to see. And we share a fanatical Kosher diet which sets us apart when we order at restaurants: To the waiter at Macaroni Grille, “Do the meatballs here have pork in them?” But we’re cool with it and wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’ve given a couple of examples of shared quirks between my wife and I, and believe me, there are plenty more. Obviously, every couple has their own quirks within their shared culture between the two of them and they also eventually pass along to their children. Looking past all romantic elements, we humans subconsciously now how to breed our own kind.  We don’t want to see our own version of reality and normalcy become extinct.  So in essence, that’s where babies come really from:

Our strengths, our weaknesses, our quirks.  And the cycle repeats.

For the more sensitive and romantic version of “breeding”, check out my “dad from day one” series.  (I deemed this particular post too much of a black sheep for it, so I made it a spin-off instead.)