discipline

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dad from day one: Influence and Individuality

Thirty-one weeks.

Parenting is one of the few institutions where brainwashing is not only allowed, and a given, but it’s also sort of the whole point.  Like a duo-dictatorship, two people (the parents) have so much influence over another human being (the child) on so many levels.  Freedom of religion?  Nope.  Freedom of speech?  Not so much.  The rules that matter are enforced by the parents and accordingly, the child learns his or her moral code and adopts his human culture largely from how the parents choose to raise him or her.

Will I be a strict parent?  “Strict” has such a negative connotation these days.  It evokes thoughts of having rules for the sake of having rules, yielding a teenage kid that is either so nerdy that he thinks getting to stay up until 11:00 at night to watch Battlestar Gallactica is an idea of a good time, or he’s so rebellious he gets a DUI and a huge tattoo by the time he graduates high school.  So I’d rather not use the word “strict”, but instead “consistent and practical”.  Like my parents were to me.

I have always been very close to my parents; I knew I could talk to them about anything and they would listen, without being judgmental or condescending, yet still guiding me in the right direction.  They gave me a little responsibility at a time, and when I proved I could handle it, they gave me more.  I never had a curfew, nor did I need one.  But had I responded differently to the responsibility I was given, I know for a fact the rules would have been stricter, as they would have needed to be.

I think it’s funny when I hear parents of young kids say, “Well my Brayden won’t eat what I cook him.  He only eats chicken nuggets and pizza, and he only drinks Coke from his sippy cup.”  I smile and laugh with them, shaking my head like I know how it is, when really I’m thinking, “It’s not up to your kid!  It’s up to YOU!  YOU’RE the parent!”

Just like I’ve heard other parents say, “I’m not going to force any religious beliefs on my kids.  They need to figure out what they believe on their own.”  (Which is always a clear indication that parent has no solid religious beliefs, otherwise they would pass them on to their children.) It will not be the case for my kid.  He will know who Noah and Abraham and Moses and Jesus and Peter and the Apostle Paul are.  He will know the importance and relevance of John 3:16.  Just like my dad read to me from my kid’s Bible every night, so will I do for my son.

And when he grows up, I will have influenced who he is.  Yet still, he will have his own personality and make his own decisions.  Truly though, that’s how it was for all of us.  Even if one or both of our parents were out of the picture, they still influenced us- negatively or positively.  So I am choosing to make a conscious, solid, positive influence in his life.  And I will be very deliberate in doing so.

Here’s what The Bump says about Baby Jack this week:

Baby’s energy is surging, thanks to the formation of white fat deposits beneath the skin. (Have those kicks and jabs to the ribs tipped you off yet?) Baby is also settling into sleep and waking cycles, though — as you’ve also probably noticed — they don’t necessarily coincide with your own. Also this month, all five senses are finally functional, and the brain and nervous system are going through major developments.

http://pregnant.thebump.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-tools/slideshow/how-big-is-baby.aspx?page=21

All pictures with the “JHP” logo were taken by Joe Hendricks Photography:

Blog- www.photojoeblog.com

Website- www.joehendricks.com

 
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Hungry Heart

For nine warm and comfortable months we float in a constant pampering. Then, suddenly, we see a bright light and feel cold air and hear loud noise for the first time. Introduction to life outside the womb is a culture-shock we never truly get over. We learn that by crying, our parents will come rushing over to give us whatever we want. As we learn to talk, we learn to lie to get our way. No one teaches us to do this. We already know how to find trouble.

There is something to be said about the fact we are wired to automatically do the wrong thing. Even as we mature into adults, we still engage in a struggle against selfishness; a selfishness which promotes self-destruction. Like being on a conveyor belt on track to a slow physical and spiritual suicide. It’s all around us. From as small an issue as naturally preferring pepperoni pizza and Coke and ice cream over grilled chicken and broccoli and yogurt, to as big as lusting after what our friends (or frenemies) bought with a credit card and allowing ourselves to go into debt because we let them set the new standard of what we need in life.

We want to believe that we are ultimately good. That’s why shows like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition are so popular. It makes us feel good to see people actually doing something selfless. It’s inspiring. And it makes us feel good to be selfless as well. We recognize subconsciously that loving our neighbors as ourselves is better than loving ourselves more than our neighbors. People are drawn to truth. But from Day #1 we are drawn to destruction as well.

A kid will naturally try to play in the street, run with scissors, touch a hot iron, and eat nothing but candy unless a more knowledgeable person steps in to save the child.

There is this romanticized idea that if we simply follow our hearts, then life will be good. Sometimes that is true. I followed my heart when I moved to Nashville, then met my wife a year later, and married her a year and half after that. Good thing I followed my heart.

But my heart also entices me to want to flip off everyone who annoys me on the interstate: I want to curse those who curse me, instead of hope and pray for their improvement which could break the vicious cycle. And I constantly want to make big purchases of things I don’t need, like a motorcycle: I can’t be satisfied no matter what I already have. Looking back at the history of the world, people have followed their hearts and it has led to tragedies as horrific as genocide, slavery, and war.

I’ve tried to imagine what it would be like if a baby was born into this world and never needed discipline. Impossible. It’s in our DNA to naturally fight against what will save us from destruction.