For most of my life, I subconsciously hoped that somehow I would find access to a time machine. That way, I could go back with what I know now and change my future; ensuring that I would live the best possible version of my life.

But now, at age 44, I no longer feel that way. There is no need nor desire to go back in time. Instead, I can move forward with the rest of my life, with what I know now and live the best version as it is; as it has already become.

It didn’t take a time machine to get me to this conclusion, though. Instead, it took me moving my family three hours away.

Has it already been a year since our family moved from Tennessee to Alabama? The answer would be a surprising… actually, yes.

It was Memorial Day of last year that I drove that giant moving truck over the mountain and then we officially moved our belongings into our freshly renovated “new” Alabama home.

And now, a year later, I can confirm that us moving here has been one of the biggest and best decisions I have ever made. Our lives are collectively less stressful and more meaningful.

The way I would like to phrase it is this:

We left behind a “hustle and bustle” lifestyle in the Nashville area that was swirling in chaos, conflict, and emotional turmoil. That was just the norm there.

Now compare that to our “quiet” lifestyle here in my home town that is identified by being calm, stable, and settled.

Specifically, something I am able to pinpoint is that here in our new version of life together as a family, we are more emotionally connected with not only each other, but those all around us as well.

My joke of a New Year’s Resolution back in January was to “become more vulnerable and more in touch with my emotions.” Well, that’s exactly what has happened to me since we moved here. I now realize one of the underlying secrets about how life works:

That as human beings, our most fundamental currency is emotional connection.

But how does one obtain this so-called “emotional connection”? Here is what my new life in Alabama has taught me:

Slowing things down enough to be not only ask questions that mutually build emotional intimacy, but also being mutually emotionally vulnerable to answer those questions.

Instead of, “How was school today?”, the question becomes, “What was something that challenged you today?”

It’s about creating space for the other person to feel safe enough to describe how they actually feel and then hold up a mirror to that emotion for them to reflected back.

If it’s sadness, validate that emotion without trying to cheer them up.

If it’s excitement, validate that emotion without downplaying their reasoning as mediocre.

We are all emotional people. This is what actually connects us.

As for myself, I realized this year that I am actually more emotional than most people, I just didn’t have the environment nor ability to recognize it until now.

I needed to move here for that truth to become apparent.

So now, I get to live the rest of my quiet life in Alabama with my family, knowing that what we were missing before was the time and space to be emotionally connected.

I now let go of any fantasy of getting my hands on a time machine.