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Songs I Wrote in 2023: “It Was Always You” – 13th of 13

For my final song I wrote and recorded in 2023, I decided to perform two different versions of it: a “sunny” version and a “somber” version.

“It Was Always You” was written for my wife, who serves as a constant in my life, despite how my perception of the world, as well as life in general, has changed so much over the past several years:

I met you seventeen years ago today – So much has changed in the world – I’m needing something to remain the same – I question every little thing I’ve ever said or done – Yet of all the big decisions I’ve made I never doubted you were the one – It was always you – I’ve got many regrets, I confess – But the best part of this mess is I’ve got you to get me through – To help it make a little sense – It was always you – I met you seventeen years ago today – If I would have stayed home that night, would you still know my name? It’s such a sad thought if we never got together – Like before we were born, we wouldn’t know any better – It was always you

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Songs I Wrote in 2023: “Enneagram 9” – 12th of 13

It took me most of the year writing my book to finally realize my actual Enneagram number is Nine. After I went back and rewrote my book accordingly, I celebrated by writing this song.

The point of view is me telling my wife that I now understand what she actually needs from me:

You never needed me to ever be by the book – You never needed me to ever give a frantic look – You only needed me to be your Enneagram 9 – You never needed me to take charge and be the boss – You never needed me to prophecy potential loss- You only needed me to be like I was in 2009 – Life got in the way there for a while – I repressed all my anger in a state of denial – Took a little time to thaw out – To reveal what was buried there underneath – When all I had to do was just show up, sit back, relax – That’s right – Just got to be chill and that will keep things from getting too real – You always saw me as your personal Paul Rudd – To shrug it off instead of feeling stuck in the mud – You only needed me to be your Enneagram 9 – You always saw me as your go with the flow – I never seemed bothered – If I was, it didn’t show – You only needed me to be like I was in 2009 – Don’t worry baby if the world’s gonna end – I’ll be your fellow passenger on this sinking ship – You only need me to be along for the ride

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Songs I Wrote in 2023: “I’m in a Better Place Now” – 10th of 13

I feel that this song is evidence of the major milestone I reached this year, as I ultimately served as my own psychiatrist through the process of writing my Enneagram book.

This song presented itself as I was encountering my darkest, deepest stage of ego death:

Someone tell me why I think it’s gonna be okay – I’m at peace with all the mysteries I can’t explain – If ignorance is bliss then I want more of this – Is this a glimpse of what it’s like to see life as a gift? I’m living comfortably in the uncertainty – I’m not taking things way too seriously anymore – I’m in a better place now – I’m climbing my own way out – This is what a good day looks like – Things are gonna turn out all right – Will I still feel this way tomorrow? Is it even up to me? Can I keep my head in the clouds and look around without something pulling me down to the ground? I’m in a better place now – Something tells me that God is smiling down on me – I’m at peace with who I am now and what I believe – If He is love I guess I’ll trust it works out in the end – Is this a glimpse of heaven when we all begin again? I choose hope over meaninglessness – I choose faith over being a nihilist – I admit I could spend my life believing the wrong thing – But if God isn’t real, my search to find Him still led me to a better place

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Songs I Wrote in 2023: “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs” – 9th of 13

I am of the small minority of the people who have ever lived in the entire history of the world to actually reach the top of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs pyramid. Not to mention, I got here despite not being extremely wealthy or famous.

Therefore, it is difficult for others to relate to me in my existential crisis that I have been working through for the past several years.

Writing this song helped me at least to better understand what I have been feeling:

Halfway through my life is when I realized I did everything I wanted to do – But I am still alive – I still have so much time and clarity – Roaming the halls – I feel like I am lost in a maze – Somebody help me down from here – So I won’t be so lonely at the top of the pyramid – Like if Super Mario jumped over the flagpole and the game went on without any goals – No real obstacles – Nothing to run from – Nothing to run towards – Can I transcend myself? – Is that the next step? Do I move beyond self-actualization? Who can I teach from this? Who has a crisis where I can be of service?

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Songs I Wrote in 2023: “Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow!” – 8th of 13

Randomly enough, I was inspired to write this song while binge watching Barry on HBO; as  characters on the show referenced William Shakespeare’s Macbeth.

I majored in English in college and one of my upper level classes was studying Shakespeare. I found it fascinating that the same thoughts going through my head where already penned hundreds of years ago.

So I added a few opening lines on my end, easily making a song from the concept:

I keep bumping my head on the ceiling as I’ve outgrown this place – I’ve seen what’s behind the curtain – Things will never be the same – Tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day – I strut and fret my hour upon the stage – Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow – Life is but a walking shadow – Out, out, brief candle – And all of our yesterdays have lighted the way for fools – To dusty death and then is heard no more again – It is a tale told by an idiot like me – Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing