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Dear Holly: You’re Growing Up Faster (in My Mind) than Your Brother Did

1 year, 2 months.

Dear Holly,

Last weekend Mommy and I were talking about just how quickly it seems like you’re growing up. Now that you’re confidently walking everywhere, it seems like the crawling stage was so short lived for you.

One theory we came up with is that with your brother, Mommy and I were clueless, being first time parents. The whole process was an ongoing learning curve that really didn’t slow down until your brother was around 3 years-old.

But he’s 6 and a half now. Not a whole lot has changed in his development and the way we have parented him in the past 3 years. We’ve basically been on autopilot, to some degree, for the 2nd half of his life.

So when you showed up over a year ago, Mommy and I already had previous experience to use as a guideline. I think just that alone makes it so much easier to raise you during these younger years.

But it also has a perceived effect in which it seems like you’re growing up faster than your brother did. Similarly, I’ve been telling Mommy how, from the beginning, it’s been easier for me to emotionally connect to you than it was for me to connect to your brother.

Actually, I specifically remember your brother being 15 months-old before I felt like more than a shadow to him. But with you, I’ve always felt you’ve acknowledged me. (You’ll be 15 months old in a few days, by the way.)

You’re always excited to see me when I get home from work. You recognize that I’m fun to be around. With your brother, I was nothing if Mommy was in the room too.

Maybe that instant connection I’ve had with you is something to do with this being my second time around as a parent- and that naturally, I am providing a more natural and accommodating environment for you; as compared to how I was with your brother when he was your age.

Either way, I’m glad you like me so much!

Love,

Daddy

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I’m Not a Good Person. I’m Not a Hard Worker. I’m Not Special.

Being born in 1981, my childhood was fully infused with an overdose of the teachings of the Care Bears and The Get Along Gang. I’m referring to that mantra that all adults (and Smurfs) seemed to further convince us of, during that Ecto Cooler drenched decade:

You are special. You can do anything you put your mind to.

You become anything if you truly belief in yourself.

And then I graduated college and got a real job. And then I got married. And then I had kids.

Responsibilities and reality started kicking in, and gradually, I felt less and less special. Less of the good person I always believed I was. Less of the hard worker I assumed I was. And just not quite as special.

Yeah, all that Lucky Charms marshallowy goodness talk… turns out it was all fluff.

The real world doesn’t work that way. The real world wasn’t as easy to win over as I expected it to be.

Instead, I actually have to prove myself on a daily basis to compete with the free market, even if that struggle is not obvious in my weekly highlight reel on Facebook.

The real world doesn’t care if I think I’m a good person, a hard worker, or special.

What does it even mean to be a “good person”? Compared to whom? Compared to the people who are better or worse than me at certain things? Compared to an ax murder or compared to a missionary in a 3rd world country?

What does it even mean to be a “hard worker”? Compared to whom? Compared to everyone who shows up to work and does their job too?

What does it been to be “special”? Even as a kid, I started realizing that if everyone is special, then by default, we fundamentally cannot all be special.

Instead, here’s the truth that I officially had taught myself by age 34; when life finally started making more sense to me:

It’s not about being a good person, a hard worker, or special. Because all of those things are just relative to everyone else around us.

And if I live my life thinking that I truly am a good person, a hard worker, and special, then ultimately, I’m more likely to believe that I deserve things in life.

That is one toxic word.

Deserve.

It’s always a red flag when I hear someone say it now.

A person who thinks they deserve something is going to feel entitled. When they don’t get those things they think they deserve, they will become disappointed. And when they become disappointed, they will blame other people; not themselves. And when they blame other people, society just isn’t going to take that “victim” seriously.

In the end, the victim creates a reputation and lifestyle that causes them to miss out on opportunities than others are now given instead.

Because what it’s really about is being the most dependable and available person. Not the good person, not the hard worker, not the special person.

What it’s really about the person who’s willing to do those tasks that no one else is able or willing to do.

It’s really about being the creative person who’s willing to take risks and introduce more efficient and effective ideas.

So yes, it’s true.

I’m not a good person. I’m not a hard worker. I’m not special.

And I use that to my advantage.

 

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15 Tools Every Homeowner Should Own Guide (By Guest Blogger, Mike Knapczyk of Chicago Metro Home Inspections)

There’s nothing more satisfying than solving a problem on your own, especially when it comes to repairs around the house. Doing it yourself not only provides you with a sense of accomplishment and builds your self-esteem, but it also can help you save a lot of money compared to hiring a contractor — so you can focus on other important financial matters for your family. However, it takes more than the willingness to roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty to be a true do-it-yourselfer. You also have to make sure you have the right tools for the job.

Although some household repair projects may require specialized tools, many of the most common household DIY projects can be accomplished with a set of basic tools. That’s why it’s in the best interests of any homeowner to keep a rudimentary toolbox around the house to handle any projects that might pop up. There are 15 tools that every homeowner should have on hand in case of emergency. Some are obvious, but others might be ones that homeowners wouldn’t know they would need until they actually need them.

For example, it’s common knowledge that you need a hammer for driving nails, screwdrivers for driving screws, and a set of combination wrenches and adjustable wrenches for handling nuts and bolts. Not everyone would think of a torpedo level as a necessary tool, but it’s essential for ensuring a shelf or picture is hung on the wall correctly. Slip-joint pliers are useful for gripping worn-down bolts or other hard-to-hold objects. Caulking guns are indispensable for sealing cracks and joints, and duct tape will help hold objects together until you can find a permanent solution. Wire cutters will come in handy if you need to do any minor electrical work around the house; while a hacksaw can handle cutting through copper pipes for a plumbing project. No matter what type of project you’re taking on, safety goggles and a respirator or breathing mask will help protect you. Finally, a flashlight is a crucial item to keep in any toolbox because most household problems happen in the dark.

Review the following list of 15 tools every homeowner should have and make sure your toolbox is ready for the next DIY project in your house.

Author bio: Mike Knapczyk is Owner and Operator of Chicago Metro Home Inspections, and provides home inspection services to the Chicagoland and Cook County areas. Knapczyk is involved in every aspect of the business and has much experience in the home inspection industry.

15 Tools Every Homeowner Should Own Guide from Chicago Metro Home Inspections

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Dear Jack: You and Papa Watched Your Sister Ride in the Saddest Parade Ever

6 years, 7 months.

Dear Jack,

This past weekend as Nonna and Papa were in town from Alabama, you took advantage of spending all the time you could with Papa, as the two of you have always been on the same creative (and often physically active) wavelength. You spent hours with Papa at the kitchen table, working on arts and crafts.

One of those crafts included the two of you co-writing your own version of the book, Mr. Nobody, by Roger Hargreaves.

While taking a break from all your hard work, you both sat down in the gray sofa chair in the living room. I was on the floor with your sister, who wasn’t quite tired enough for a nap, nor energetic enough to laugh or even smile while we played.

She used her special Super Mario jump sound to communicate to me that she wanted to ride the zebra scooter. So I helped her up into the saddle and slowly began pushing her across the carpet.

I announced, “Hey everyone, Holly’s in a parade! Here she comes!”

But the look on her face indicated that she was way too sad to be in a parade. As she made her way across the living room, I kindly whispered, “Wave, Holly! You’re in a parade. Everyone’s here to see you!”

Yet still, just a sad little face was all she could muster up. I started feeling sad too at that point, as I thought of her as a poor little melancholy clown.

You and Papa obviously found humor in it: to see such a tired and confused looking, yet cute little girl as the sole member of a parade.

After the parade ended, you and Papa went from resting, to wrestling, to rolling.

It was sort of like the post-parade event.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Holly: I am Training Your Brother How to Teach You, Not Taunt You

1 year, 2 months.

Dear Holly,

You are a very gracious little sister, that’s for sure. For the past several weeks, I have been patiently (?) teaching your brother what exactly it means to gently play with his 1 year-old sibling.

Your brother is 6 and half years-old; he’ll be starting 1st grade a month from now. In his mind, you’re his peer. In his mind, he can play with you the same way he plays with other boys his age. In his mind, you’re not a fraction of his size.

For now, I pretty much have to have a “just don’t touch your sister” rule for him, because he has this habit of either knocking you down, or carrying  you from one side of the room to room but that literally dropping you on the floor.

I’ve also been explaining to him how he’s not competing with you. He has this habit of wanting to play with whatever toy you’re playing with, yet the moment you stop playing with it and he finally gets it, he then wants to new toy you’re playing with.

It’s a cycle of him constantly wanting whatever toy you have.

This week I specifically trained him on his role: to teach his little sister on to do things.

That way, there’s no need for him to want your toy, but instead, to play with you by showing you how to play with it, without taking the toy away from you.

He’ll eventually mellow out and transition into his role.

With all that being said, most of the time, it’s not an issue.

Instead, it’s very clear he loves and adores you.

A few weeks I came home to see you playing with a homemade miniature Pokemon-themed basketball goal and basket. Your brother had made it just for you!

Love,

Daddy