Dear Holly: You Hope to Look Like Cindy Eilbacher When You are a Teenager

7 years, 10 months.

Dear Holly,

Last night while Mommy took your brother for a baseball coaching session, you and I decided to catch up on Scooby Doo since we just got HBO Max back again.

After a few episodes, I suggested we try watching an episode of the classic 1970s TV series, Wonder Woman; which I myself had never seen.

I let you choose the episode, based on the thumbnail.

Therefore, we went with “Skateboard Whiz”, which featured a teenage girl who I thought resembled you a bit.

So I asked you, “Holly, do you think you will look like that girl when you are older?”

You instantly replied, “I hope so!”

When Mommy came home, she presented a theory that, Cindy Eilbacher, the actress playing the teenage “skateboard whiz” looks a bit like your doll, Naty.

What I am understanding is, as a 7 year-old, you hope to look like a teenager from the 1970s when you yourself become a teenager… and that teenager happens to look like your favorite doll.

So basically, you are hoping to look like your doll when you grown up. That checks out.

 

Love,

Daddy

Dear Jack: You’ve Now Begun Playing Baseball

13 years, 3 months.

Dear Jack,

A few months back, you decided you want to start playing baseball.

Your Uncle Tom in Florida and your Uncle Andrew in Alabama have both taught you some of the basics.

We have also paid for a few coaching sessions for you at a nearby rec center.

And now, as of this week, you have officially starting going to practice with your first baseball team, The Cubs.

So I imagine most of our remaining Saturdays in Tennessee will be our family cheering you on at your baseball games.

And by the time we move to Alabama this summer, you’ll be all set to play baseball there!

 

Love,

Daddy

Saturday Date Night: Filing Income Tax Returns and a Fancy Dinner

It has been our tradition for many years now that when it’s time for my wife and I to file our income tax returns at H&R Block, we invite my parents up for the weekend to watch the kids.

Our reward for getting through “math for adults”, as our daughter calls it, is we head over to Marshall’s to “see if there might be anything we might want”. Spoiler alert: We always find some things we want at Marshall’s.

And when I say “we”, I mainly main “I”. When it comes to bargain-buying new clothes, nice shoes, and fancy soaps, I’m pretty much the worst.

From there, we drive about 25 minutes, right outside of the “exciting night life” of Nashville, and instead, we enjoy a nice, quiet early dinner at a restaurant without kids.

This past weekend, we tried a place for the first time called Coal Town Public House. Whereas most men in this situation would probably order an expensive steak and a strong cocktail, I stuck with my night-on-the-town go-to of shrimp and grits, then opted for a non-alcoholic craft beer that instantly became my new favorite brewery, Athletic Brewing Company.

Because honestly, that is what I truly enjoy more than the real stuff at this point in my life.

Of course, with our upcoming move to Alabama this May, I realized this would make the last time we would do our “income tax/Saturday night dinner” tradition here in Tennessee.

Once we move, we will live 0.2 miles from my sister. It is an unspoken understanding that our kids, who happen to be the same ages, will be “house swapping” on a regular basis: No need for someone to watch the kids… the kids simply head down the street to their cousin’s house and vice versa.

With that being said, I am confident that my wife and I will continue our tradition once we move to Fort Payne.

So yes, this is my life. I am happy. There’s nothing like a kids-free early dinner after doing taxes, shopping at Marshall’s, and then enjoying shrimp and grits with non-alcoholic beer.

This is 42.

Dear Jack: I’m Pretty Sure You’re on Santa’s Naughty List Now

13 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

I learned earlier this week that you ordered online your most powerful pellet gun yet. The next day, it magically arrived at our doorstep.

Naturally, you tested out the new sight in our living room.

As is your tradition with your friend and our neighbor Aiden, you found something interesting in the neighborhood dumpster: A cardboard cut-out of Santa.

This story couldn’t end any other way: Santa has become your official target for shooting your new air rifle.

You are able to shoot through 8 cans in one shot. So I’m pretty sure Santa won’t be holding up for much longer.

Love,

Daddy

Dear Jack: Home Alone? Risky Business?

13 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

Last Friday night while Mommy and I were out at your sister’s school dance, there was virtually no discussion about the fact that you would just stay home.

Because, you’re 13 years old. You’re a teenager now.

To my knowledge, you simply stayed in your room; playing a racing game on your phone or binge-watching Young Sheldon.

But for all I know, you may have slid on the hardwood floor, lip-synching to “Old Time Rock and Roll” or maybe you had a big party with all your friends.

If so, you did a good job of hiding all the evidence!

 

Love,

Daddy