President Obama’s “Strong Fathers, Strong Families” Initiative

June 17, 2011 at 11:10 pm , by 

Seven months.

The Dadabase

Recently in my post entitled, “The Positive Re-branding of Fatherhood,” I noted that dads are making a comeback and becoming more involved in their kids’ lives.  Call it a trend, call it a movement; I call it a necessary revolution: Men are changing the future of society now by priding themselves in not settling for mediocre fatherhood, but instead, awesome fatherhood.  And maybe even one day the term “Superdad” will actually be as familiar as “Supermom.”

In fact, I was pleasantly unsurprised to read today in another blog here on Parents.com about a recent poll showing that, compared to 50 years ago, fathers are indeed more involved in the lives of their children.  Granted, these days there are less households where the dad actually lives in the same household as his kids.  But for the dads who do dwell with their kids, these dads are definitely more active compared to 50 years ago.

So it’s not all in my head!  Dads really are making a comeback.  What a cool time to be a dad.  This is what The Dadabase is all about.

Today, I want to brag on President Barack Obama.  Last week he introduced a new initiative called “Strong Fathers, Strong Families,” which is a program that provides ways for fathers to spend quality time with their children, via free or discounted pricing on fun activities, such as bowling, sports games, and zoos.

In his recent essay, “Being the Father I Never Had,” he openly recognized the fact that despite the heroism of single moms who have raised a large portion of recent generations, the presence of an active father is valuable to the well-being and future of today’s children:

“And even though my sister and I were lucky enough to be raised by a wonderful mother and caring grandparents, I always felt [my father’s] absence and wondered what it would have been like if he had been a greater presence in my life. I still do. It is perhaps for this reason that fatherhood is so important to me, and why I’ve tried so hard to be there for my own children.” –President Barack Obama

For a guy like me whose active campaign and passionate mission is to positively re-brand fatherhood through this blog on Parents.com, I can’t help but feel strong admiration for our President in his public support for the “Strong Fathers, Strong Families.”  I tip my hat to Mr. Obama for using his voice for an idea so necessary and positive for the good of our country.

The Dadabase

I believe that it has become easy and normal to downplay the importance of fathers in the lives of their children. Because we as a society have learned to, in order to survive and move forward.  But I don’t want our American society to simply survive; I want it to thrive.  And even just the name of President Obama’s initiative itself spells it out pretty clearly: A strong father will lead and grow a strong family.

President Obama is not only taking action in sharing my same passion for parenting; but also just like I am doing, he is using his public platform to openly support active fatherhood.  I get it, not every child has the option of being raised by a good man. Many children have selfish, abusive, and/or absent biological fathers; some who have left by choice while others were good men but have unfortunately passed away.

Still, children need a positive adult male role model to fill that void, whether it’s an uncle, family friend, step-dad, a pastor, or neighbor.  It’s not okay that kids are growing up without good dads. Nor is it okay to deny the need or importance of a positive adult male role model in a child’s life.

Dads matter.

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I Am Worth Following, According to My Son

June 16, 2011 at 9:14 pm , by 

Seven months.

In the age of Facebook and Twitter, I never have to tell my son to “like” me or “follow me.”

Since learning to crawl, Jack uses every opportunity to make use of his newly acquired skill.  He’s like an SUV in human baby form. If my wife or I are sitting down on the floor with him as he is playing, he will make an effort to go out of his way to purposely crawl over our legs- if nothing else, to prove to himself he can handle it.

He obviously is always up for a new challenge.  Tossing the TV remote controller a few feet away from him is no longer an inspiring incentive.  Crossing the room is no longer that big of a deal to him anymore.  Instead, Jack’s newest self-induced challenge is to crawl from one side of the house to the other.  But not for an electronic device or the newest, coolest toy he could imagine.

Instead, I am his motivation.

When I come home from work every day, after greeting him and my wife, I typically go two rooms away to brush my teeth (I’m sort of obsessed with personal hygiene) and change into some more comfortable clothes and a hat.  By the time I’m done, I look up, and there he is:

So proud of himself that he journeyed the baby equivalent of the length of a basketball court to get to me.  And of course, I’m always so proud of him.  The best part is the big toothless smile on his face every time.  It’s always a highlight each time he does it.

Sometimes when he follows me across the house, he doesn’t stop crawling until he runs into my ankles.  And then he just stays there with his forehead leaning against my leg and his cold, clammy hands on my toes.  Other times, he will squeeze through between my ankles, offering up an obligatory grunt as if it’s a tight fit for him.

Honestly, when he follows me around the house, Jack reminds me of a little puppy or a kitten; who can’t talk, but who can show his affection and admiration by his gravitation towards me.  And yeah, that makes me feel pretty dang cool.

So while it’s always cool to realize I’ve gained a few more Twitter followers or a handful of “likes” for that day’s Dadabase post, nothing can compare to a little blond haired baby boy who thinks I’m the Shazbot.

He “likes” me the most and is one persistent “follower.”  And I just never want to let the little fella down.

As you may have noticed at the very top of the post, it no longer says “Six months.”  That’s because today, Jack is officially 7 months old!

Man’s Constant Awareness of His Need to Provide

June 15, 2011 at 7:53 pm , by 

Six months.

The Dadabase

For a nostalgic guy like me, it can be very difficult to “live in the moment.”  And that’s not a good thing when it comes to being present in body, mind, and spirit as a husband and father.  Not to mention,  it’s sort of impossible for me to stop thinking about how I will provide for my wife and son.

In 1996, while most other 15 year-olds were listening to cool alternative grunge bands like The Smashing Pumpkins, Bush, and Stone Temple Pilots, I additionally had something they didn’t have: a cassette tape of the first album by The O.C. Supertones.

You’re probably familiar with hearing someone say “I grew up really Jewish… bar mitzvah, the whole deal….”  Even if it was simply Seth Rogen on Conan who said it, you understand the concept of “growing up really Jewish.”

Well, I “grew up really Christian.”  I learned to play the guitar in Junior High because I led the music for my church’s youth group on Wednesday and Sunday nights.  Every summer I went on a mission trip to a different state or country, doing repairs on widow’s homes during the day, then participating in drama and singing performances at city parks in the afternoons.  (Yes, I had a trendy W.W. J. D? bracelet.)

And while DC Talk was the coolest Christian rock band back in the those days, I also was a huge grassroots promoter of The O.C. Supertones- the main Gospel ska band of the ’90′s.

Last week as I felt like listening to nothing but all of their albums back-to-back, a line from their song “Unknown” stood out to me.  I have been listening to that song for 15 years but it finally made sense to me at a time when I needed to hear it most:

“Killing ourselves faster than fast; living in the future, living in the past.” I haven’t been able to shake the thought of how constantly I do just that:  I participate in the self-destructive behavior of either A) dwelling on how I should have/could have/would have done things differently in my past, if I was able or B) dwelling on how much better life will be a decade from now when my problems will hopefully have worked themselves out.

I realize that with all the positive vibes I constantly send out in my daily writings here on The Dadabase, I may sometimes make my version of being a dad and husband seem easier than it actually is.  And perhaps it seems that Jack never causes any stress for my wife or I.  But despite my optimism and quirkiness, my life is as normal as they come.  I encounter the same basic stresses as all other dads and husbands.

Admittedly, I question some of my past decisions and actions.  And I seriously wonder about my future; financially.

The Dadabase

Since moving from our secure jobs in Nashville before Jack arrived, we now live on a much smaller single income, with a kid.  Yeah, the thought of money stresses me out big time. Living here in Alabama now, I can’t provide for them the same way I used to.  Money sure isn’t everything, but Nashville’s good economy definitely eased things in my mind.

As I am wired to do, I ultimately feel responsible for providing for my family. So I question the version of myself who a few years ago led me to make the decisions to get me here today.  And I often fantasize about a future time when I won’t feel the stress that I am feeling now.

Of course, my making a habit of mentally time traveling is not a good thing. Because if I keep going back far enough, I may fantasize about a time when I had no real responsibilities and no family of my own.  And it is nothing but counter-productive and selfish to subconsciously covet the 21 year old college version of myself who made money by selling egg rolls and Hot Pockets from the mini-fridge in my college dorm.

The weight of my responsibilities is constantly on my mind.  Will I be able to care for my family?  Am I good enough for them?  Should I have gotten something other than an English degree a decade ago in college, so I could be assured I’d make enough money to be the breadwinner at age 30?

This is an honest, vulnerable look into a guy’s brain.  I’m never unaware of my need to provide. Never.

Other men have greater or less financial concerns and decisions to make.  But still, as men, we are perpetually terrified of the realistic demon who reminds us that nothing we can do is ever enough.

It’s a matter of reminding myself that that even the ravens, who don’t even sow or reap, who don’t have storerooms or barns, are still fed. And I am much more valuable than a bird.

The Dadabase

 

Cabbage Patch Kids Babyland Hospital in Cleveland, Georgia

June 14, 2011 at 9:29 pm , by 

Six months.

Cabbage Patch Babyland

A few days before leaving for my 30th birthday weekend getaway in Dahlonega, Georgia, my sister asked if we were going to be anywhere close to the Cabbage Patch nursery called “Babyland.”  It turns out, the bed and breakfast we would be staying at was conveniently just about 20 minutes away.  Accidently awesome! (That’s one of my new catch phrases that will soon sweep the nation like “just saying” as well as one. word. sentences.).

By the way, my parents kept Jack for us that weekend.  That’s why you won’t see him in these pictures.

Babyland is one of those legendary places where if you grew up in the South and in the Eighties like I did, you’ve heard about it- almost wondering if it’s just a fabricated urban legend.  Mainly all I knew about it was that you could go visit a nursery of Cabbage Patch dolls- like a real nursery. Well, if it involves a random adventure, my wife and I will be the first in line.

Cabbage Patch Babyland

I will just say this right off the from the start: I highly recommend going to Cabbage Patch Kids Babyland.  First of all, it’s free admission.  Granted, it’s sort of out in the middle of nowhere, but for us, that was part of the allure.  The building itself is a new, beautiful mansion.  When we walked in, we asked a stranger to take our picture as we sat in a giant head of cabbage.

cabbage patch doll

Cabbage Patch

Then we walked through the nursery with the “crying” (recorded baby noises running through the speakers in the ceiling) Cabbage Patch babies. Next we entered the grand room where the main attraction is the actual cabbage patch itself- where the Cabbage Patch babies heads are “sprouting up.”  It made me think of that game at Chuck E. Cheese’s where you try to hit the gopher when it pops out of the hole, but you never know which one it will come out.  There where all these baby heads and they would randomly start moving- but you never knew which one would be next.  It entertained me, perhaps more than it should have.

cabbage patch

babyland cabbage patch

The whole place is like a huge nostalgic museum featuring the history of all versions of the Cabbage Patch Dolls, mixed with the ultimate Cabbage Patch Doll store.  When Jack gets older, my wife and will look forward to taking him there. The Cabbage Patch Kids Babyland is not just for girls.  I would be completely confident in taking my son just because I know how mesmerized he would be by all the magical moving baby heads.

babyland cabbage patch

So if you’re planning to be driving through northern Georgia in the near future, consider going a bit out of route and taking your kids to this one-of-a-kind palace. I can assure you that you will be just as entertained as your kids, because with all the retro memorabilia there, it’s a ticket straight back to 1983.  And who wouldn’t want to go back to 1983? Seriously.

cabbage patch

Cabbage Patch

Jack the Ripper: A Real Gas Act

June 13, 2011 at 10:01 pm , by 

Six months.

The DadabaseHere at The Dadabase, I try to keep things classy, but it doesn’t help when Jack would rather keep them gassy.

I only know what it’s like to have a little boy.  If my wife and I ever have a daughter, I’m sure things will be dramatically different.  One of the main differences I wonder about is if baby girls are as gassy as my son.

Males are expected to be funny.  And Jack definitely is.  Even as a newborn with closed eyes who slept most of the time, Jack made a habit of breaking the ice (by breaking the wind) with every new person who would hold him.  It was his way of saying, “Hi, nice to meet you.”  A bit of an initiation for each new person, as well.

Nearly seven months later, Jack’s still practicing his potty humor.  Last Sunday as I was driving home after church, my wife reminded me that we needed to stop the car for gas.  Right on cue, Jack did his part to help: “Ppppffffffthhh…”.

The Dadabase

Later that day, I was holding Jack out on the front porch, letting him gaze at the sheep farm across the street.  One of the farm workers pulled up in a red pick-up truck.  He had the windows open and the radio on.  A Pat Benetar song was playing: “Hit me with your best shot… Fire away!”

So Jack did.  Like he actually knew what he was doing.

I can’t keep from laughing out loud at his gas antics, especially when we make conversation with Jack and his response is simply “ppppffffffthhh…”.  It’s as if to say to us, “You know what I think about that…?”

The Dadabase

In his head, he has already associated his “gas leaks” with humor.  Even when he’s not feeling himself, I can make the (in)appropriate sound with my mouth, and without fail, Jack immediately starts laughing out loud.  Sure, I’ll eventually have to teach him to behave properly in public as he gets old enough to understand manners and self-control.  But until then, Jack gets a free pass on passing gas.

And I guess that’s one of the many reasons that children take us back to a more carefree place.  Without worrying  about social expectations, without having to appear to always keep it all together, without a necessary world of concerns, children ultimately remind us of a time when the biggest problem in life was that Teddy Ruxpin’s size D batteries needed to be replaced.

For what it’s worth, it took four of those stupid batteries.

The Dadabase