I had just turned 18 years old when I graduated high school in May of 1999. I felt like an adult, because… I officially was. I felt “old enough” for my life to truly begin.

So today on my 18th wedding anniversary, I think, “Wow- I have been sharing my life everyday with the same person for as many years as I was alive when I graduated high school.”

In other words, today our marriage is officially an adult.

That’s funny… because I still barely feel, or act, like an adult myself! (I’m 45.)

Naturally, when people learn it’s your wedding anniversary, the common response is, “Oh, congratulations! That’s a big milestone.” Sometimes it is followed with a playful follow-up: “So what’s your secret?”

Well… I think I’ve got it figured out- from the husband’s point of view:

“Happy life… happy wife.”

Notice I didn’t say, “Happy wife, happy life.”

No, my secret is the opposite: “Happy life, happy wife.”

In other words, a man who is able to build and maintain his life in a way that he creates his own happiness through his own ambition and passion and curiosity, instead of putting that expectation on his wife (Example: “You complete me.”), is a man who provides the environment for his wife to therefore be happy. And perhaps even more important than being “happy”, she will feel safe and secure; as well as entertained and engaged.

A man’s life is not happy because he focuses on making his wife happy.

Instead, a man’s wife is happy because he focuses on making his own life happy; with her by his side, along for the adventure.

Now that I think of it… I’m basically the equivalent of a cruise ship director.

I would love to think of myself as the captain of the cruise ship, in this metaphor. But if I see life itself as a cruise, then I am not in control of where that ship is going- only God is.

The role of a cruise ship director, according to AI when I Google it, tells me that I am the senior ship officer responsible for all onboard entertainment, hospitality, and social programing: the public face of the ship.

Core responsibilities include event management, communication, leadership, and customer service: “acting as an information hub… ensuring a welcoming, lively atmosphere.”

Yep, that’s me. That’s what I do and who I am.

Happy life, happy wife!

That’s the secret, if you ask me.