How Not to Be “That Mom” or “That Dad”

November 20, 2011 at 7:39 pm , by 

One year.

There are basically two ways to be “that parent.” You can be over-involved in your child’s life; actually encouraging separation anxiety for them by drawing out goodbye’s by petting them and crying with them whenever you leave them at daycare.

Or you can be under-involved; letting your child run free in the grocery story, occasionally tossing them empty threats of “time out” when you get home.

Neither extreme is good. That’s why we normal parents do our darndest not to be “that mom” or “that dad.”

But this gets complicated because it’s no secret what a challenge it is to balance our parenting expectations with practical reality. It seems that to some degree, we all are “that parent.”

It’s necessary that I turn the question to myself: How am I “that dad?”

I am weird because I won’t let my son watch TV until he’s at least two years old. Plus, I am really strict about what he eats: No processed foods- that means no fruit juice.

Oh yes, what a cruel, demented, over-the-top man I am to keep my child from things I had when I was his age back in 1982. But I’m not going to change; I’m always going to be kooky like that.

So I guess I fall into the category of “over-involved.” Some of my critics could probably say that I am ironically depriving my child in a subconscious effort to declare my authority as an active and effective father.

Maybe I am. Because I don’t want to be “that dad.” I mean, the other kind of “that dad.” The kind I’m not. Or at least the kind I think I’m not.

As long as other parents are critiquing my parenting style, which they always will, I will always be “that dad.” I would say that I don’t care what other people think of me anyway, but I have observed that people who usually say that actually really, really care what people think of them.

It’s like a 14 year-old girl who says, “I’m so over him now.” No, no you’re not. If you were, you wouldn’t have to go around saying that to your friends, who are all wearing black Breaking Dawn t-shirts.

So in conclusion, I believe no matter what you do, you are “that mom” or “that dad” to the very parents who you yourself perceive as “that mom” or “that dad.” Get it?

In other words, the title of this post is misleading. There is no way to refrain from being “that parent.” You already are.

8 Reasons to Raise Your Family in Nashville

Jack and Sophie: Baby Buddies in Crime

November 17, 2011 at 9:44 pm , by 

One year.

Jack is currently the only boy in his age/stage group at KinderCare. Since this recently became the case, I have noticed a new dynamic between him and his classmate, Sophie Culpepper. (What a cool name, right?)

Don’t get ahead of me here. This is not a post about Jack’s first daycare crush. We’re not there yet.

It’s becoming the norm now that when I drop off Jack in the morning, he will stand up next to the toy sink, and Sophie will walk up to him. Standing just inches away from his face, she stares at him as if to say, “Good, you’re here now. Entertain me.”

His sigh and blank stare back at her seem to translate: “Hey, I just got here. Give me a minute to see what kind of trouble we can get into today.”

Their “partners-in-crime” relationship is especially funny because of how much they look alike. I instantly think of the cartoon show, Rugrats, where the only obvious difference between Phil and Lil is a hair bow and a dress. In other words, it’s like they are twin brother and sister, who if they were the same gender, would be identical twins.

It somehow helps their buddy status that both Jack and Sophie are currently two of the most popular American names for babies. In 2010, the year they were both born, Sophie (Sophia) was the #1 most popular girl name and Jack was the 13th most popular for boys; for what it’s worth, Jackson/Jaxon was #3.

According their current KinderCare teacher, Ty, the two of them follow each other around and often want whatever toy the other is currently playing with.

So when they’re not making messes together by scattering the neatly placed toys all over the floor, which I’ve been informed they do on a daily basis, they have this assumed sibling rivalry going on.

I love it that at only a year old, Jack is getting a good idea of what it’s like to have to share with someone who is similar in age and personality. Sophie, who was born just a month after him, is his perfect match.

Jill (my wife, in case you’re new to The Dadabase) and I are especially smitten by Sophie. She usually walks up to us to get a hug whenever she sees us. As you can see from the pictures, she is an adorable little girl.

I knew she was officially cool when she started staring at me one day and I responded by making my scary Freddy Krueger face at her: Just like Jack, she instantly laughed. That’s when she won my heart.

5 Reasons This Dad Despises MTV’s 16 and Pregnant

November 17, 2011 at 8:37 pm , by 

One year.

“How many train wrecks do we need to see?” -Jack Johnson

In the midst of the recent highly publicized false accusations of 17 year-old Justin Bieber being a dad, I can’t help but keep thinking of MTV’s 16 and Pregnant. I’ve made several random jabs at the show, vaguely proclaiming my passionate hate for it; but I figure today I should explain why exactly I hate 16 and Pregnant more than I loathe Two and Half Men.

1. It glorifies teen pregnancy. Granted, I want no part in casting stones against a teen mom who is willing to keep her child as opposed to aborting him or her. But it’s pretty hard to deny that the producers of the show find ways to make the event girly, using a cutesy diary theme with cartoon drawings and voiceovers from the teen moms.

2. It makes stars and role models out of the teen moms. I personally know a 20 year-old girl who is pregnant with her 2nd child. She had her first child when she was 19; different fathers for both babies and I’m pretty sure she never really loved either of the baby’s fathers. About a year ago I remember her bragging to me: “Maci from 16 and Pregnant was here in Nashville a few weekends ago. Some people said she was at the mall…”.

The fact that it makes headline news when a 16 and Pregnant couple gets arrested unfortunately demonstrates this.

3. It doesn’t prevent teens from having unsafe sex. Sure, I can’t prove this; but I assume that there is some underlying message that the show somehow scares teenagers into being more careful about their actions. I’d say if anything, the show is more likely to promote abortion as 16 and Pregnant goes through great lengths to show how a baby is an inconvenience.

4. It capitalizes on the unfortunate. I personally believe that a lot of these teen moms subconsciously get pregnant on purpose because they are so deprived of love and attention in their lives. They are living a sad story which they are desperate to improve somehow. Like much of reality TV, the show draws in millions of viewers who secretly want to watch a train wreck to make themselves feel better about their own lives.

5. The teen dads are usually awful fathers. Of course they are; they’re still in high school, playing football and hanging out with their loser friends. On the show, the teen dads often admit to their (ex)girlfriend, the mother of their child, that A) they are not in love, B) are only still together because of the baby, and/or C) wish they didn’t have a baby. As if dads didn’t already have a bad rap in the TV world, these guys aren’t helping.

I’m not saying the show should be taken off of the air; the banning of anything is typically the best way to promote it. In fact, with the link below, I’m technically promoting 16 and Pregnant myself. But ultimately, I believe I have shared 5 solid reasons why even the mention of the show makes me cringe.

Is it just me?…

Happy 1st Birthday to My Son, Jack-Man!

November 16, 2011 at 6:18 am , by 

One year old, today!

Exactly a year ago today, after 22 and half hours of “coaching” my wife in labor, which consisted of me proclaiming stock phrases like “Oh look, here’s the head!” for the final three hours of the delivery, along with, “Baby, I’m so proud of you!” my wife finally gave birth to our dark Mexican baby. I will always remember the way he was silently starving for air as soon as the doctor pulled him out. He looked so mad.

Granted, he eventually morphed into the Norwegian little boy we know today as “Jack-Man.”

A few weeks later we moved him to Alabama, suffered mutual unemployment, then singular employment but still couldn’t afford to pay the bills, Parents.com contacted me about switching my daddy blog “Dad from Day One” to their website and so The Dadabase was born, then we moved back to Nashville and got our old jobs back, we had to buy my wife a new (used) car, then tried to move back into our townhouse but realized there was serious water damage that destroyed part of our living room ceiling, and I guess that leads us to where we are today: Finally, we have sense of normalcy that we’ve been desperate for.

And Jack has been along for the ride the whole way through, both oblivious to the chaos and eager for more excitement.

I admit, I don’t exactly know how to act. I mean, everything’s actually going pretty well right now. We’re officially moved back into our home and made it ours again. And I’m nervous to even say it- what if I jinx it?

Wouldn’t this be such an appropriate time to learn, “Surprise! We’re having another baby!” For the record, that is not the case. All I mean is that I’m so accustomed to life being crazy with some kind of constant fiasco, that I almost expect some kind of shocking surprise like that.

Wow, we as parents, have survived our first year! Sure, it’s awesome that our son is now a year old; so cool. But seriously, we not only survived raising him thus far but we made it through a lot of wacko stuff since then.

We as a family have made it through; thank God. Going through a whirlwind year like this has surely left us with unsettled psychological issues that we need to sort out with Jason Seaver (the psychiatrist dad from Growing Pains) but until then, I’ll continue using my writings here on The Dadabase to serve as my own psychiatrist.

Oh yeah, and in the midst of all this, my wife and I both turned 30. What a year to turn 30!

Okay, back to my son… He’s a year old today! Happy Birthday Jack!

Man, I am so in love with him. He’s the best baby/puppy/robot/Ewok/Red Hot Chili Peppers fan/gummy bear I’ve ever had for a son.

I think we’re all gonna be okay.