Month: June 2014

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

Losing Man Points Vs. Being a Good Dad

November 26, 2011 at 12:03 pm , by 

One year.

As I’ve established before, and as current American society itself now reflects, the new norm for dads is to be actively involved in their kids’ lives. In fact, being a good dad equates as being a good man in general. And as I’ve written about before, it is literally impossible for a happily married man to be a good dad without being a good husband.

So with that being said, how can a man be a good dad, a good husband, and yet still be considered cool amongst his guy friends? Good question, if I do say so myself.

We have to keep in mind, though, that as society’s expectations of dads have increased, mens’ expectations of each other’s manliness have altered accordingly.

Can anyone really argue that one of the most masculine things a man can do is to be an actively involved, motivating and motivated father? Seriously, what’s more manly than a guy who sacrifices his time and energy on teaching, entertaining, and caring for his kids? Not much else.

Obviously, no man points are lost because a dad turns off the football game to play Barbies with his daughter. Or because he kisses his son even when no one else is around. Not shameful at all; no man points lost whatsoever. In fact, man points are earned from doing those things.

Today, when a man enters the world of Fatherhood, he soon realizes that he naturally begins to embrace new roles that traditionally were more feminine; as his own wife has to go out into the workplace just like he does. It was a lot different for our grandparents when they were young parents.

But this is the 2010′s. Men change diapers and don’t complain. Honestly, I see no irony or even humor in a man changing a dirty diaper anymore. It’s just another part of being an American dad. I remember it being different even in the 1990′s. Now though, the willingness to change a diaper without hesitation is simply one more way to earn man points.

Granted, there have to be some issues where a man abuses his “Dad Badge” and crosses the line. But how can you know what those limits are?

For example, if a man drives a mini-van does he lose man points? Of course not. Because he worked hard for the money to buy a vehicle to transport his family around in. In fact, I say it takes a bigger man to drive a mini-van.

It’s like a man wearing a pink shirt. As long as you do it right- meaning you don’t wear it with (pleated!) khakis, but instead dark pants or jeans- you’re all clear.

But just how far does the Dad Badge stretch? What exactly does a man’s “Parent Pass” cover him for? As the two coexist, what is acceptable and what is jumping the shark?

After some extensive research over this past Thanksgiving, including asking my Facebook friends, coworkers, and real-life friends, I believe I have been able to pinpoint at what point a man goes from “good dad” to “that dad.”

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Recaps

5 Reasons This Dad Despises Two and a Half Men

November 24, 2011 at 9:21 pm , by 

One year.

This is one time I’ll openly admit in the opening line that my opinion in this blog post is completely wrong and off-base, as evidenced by the general American population. The sitcom Two and a Half Men has ranked among the Top 20 programs each year since its premiere in 2003. In a New York Times article back in February of this year, it was tagged as “the biggest hit comedy of the past decade.”

So now I shall commit to the heresy of condemning America’s favorite sitcom. Here are the top 5 reasons I despise Two and a Half Men:

1) It serves as the epitome of idiotic stereotypes for men. Alan is a pathetic dork with no game. His son Jake is an uninspired underachiever. And of course Charlie is a sleazy womanizer. These aren’t men.

The show should be called Two and Half Men You Wouldn’t Actually Want to Associate with in Real Life. Or even better, 101 Ways to Be an A-Hole.

2) It objectifies women as either A) sexy and stupid or B) shrewd and non-sexual. At least the show negatively stereotypes both men and women. Therefore, since it is equally sexist for both genders, I guess that means that technically it’s not sexist at all: All the sexism just cancels itself out.

3) I don’t think it’s funny. How many times can I laugh about Charlie being a man whore, Alan not “getting lucky” despite his best efforts, or Jake passing gas when he is asked a question?

Calculating… I’ve been able to stomach about 5 episodes of the show throughout my lifetime. There are approximately 12 “jokes” per minute and each episode is about 23 minutes long. So after doing the math, I guess the answer is… about three times. One laugh for each time the show’s only three jokes were introduced to me, for the first time.

4) The success of the show has only encouraged Charlie Sheen’s real life bad behavior. Again, in real life if you knew a guy like Charlie (both the character and the actual person) you wouldn’t be laughing- you’d be disgusted or at least annoyed.

Well, he is a real person, and despite the fact his character has been killed off the show, the real Charlie is alive and well; and very, very rich. In 2010, he was earning nearly two million dollars an episode. Money well spent?

5) It carries no redeeming value. Scrubs was one of my favorite sitcoms of the past decade. Its main characters, men and women, often were silly and outrageous. Yet at the end of each episode, Zach Braff’s character summed up the life lesson to be learned with “Sometimes in life you have to be able to…”.

There is nothing to be learned in Two and Half Men. It’s an insult to my intelligence and to the very concept of what comedy is supposed to be.

Yes, I am a very old, bitter man who isn’t even cool enough to have Internet on my phone. What is all this talk about Angry Birds?

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

New Book: Three Cups (Give, Save, Spend)

November 23, 2011 at 7:42 pm , by 

One year.

I’ve read that my generation (people who are currently around age 30) will be much like our great-grandparents, who lived through The Great Depression.

As history repeats itself, we shall become society’s new shrewd penny pinchers to our kids that our great-grandparents were to our grandparents.

We will remember back in the 2010′s when the only way you could sell your house was to basically pay someone to buy it from you. Back when we were anxiety-ridden anytime we had to pick up a sick child from daycare for fearing of jeopardizing our jobs.

Thankfully, there are talented financial gurus like Dave Ramsey to help us to simply and legitimately figure out how to manage our money. In my personal life, which has been dramatically featured here on The Dadabase, I have had to learn some tough lessons about money:

Buy an espresso maker and save Starbucks only for special occasions. Avoid eating out at restaurants as much as possible. Don’t move back to your hometown to be close to family when your first child is born because you nor your wife will be able to get a job there. You will end up blowing through your savings just to survive until you ultimately have to move back to Nashville. Just keep your good job in the big city and suffer putting your child in daycare.

You know; little lessons like that.

When it comes to life lessons about money, I have been shamed, I have been humbled, and I have been made a wiser person because of my uneducated decisions.

I have survived my own Great Depression of 2010 and now every single cent I earn has a place. I say “no” a lot more to people. I don’t worry about hurting feelings by doing so. I know if I don’t tell my money where to go, it will tell me where to go.

Just in time, Tommy Nelson Publishing has released the perfect book for us to help kids learn how to manage their money; from a very young age.

This is a book I definitely feel should be mandatory reading for all young children, but more importantly, it should be mandatory for all parents to read and discuss this book with their children… regularly.

The book is simply called Three Cups. I don’t want to totally give the story line away, but basically, on a boy’s 5th birthday his parents give him three cups. As he begins earning an allowance, he becomes responsible for deciding how much money he wants to give away, save for the future, and spend. Accordingly, the three cups serve as appropriate piggy banks for the three categories: give, save, and spend.

In the likeness of 25% of all of Brad Paisley’s songs, the book ends with the now grown-up boy reliving the story through his own 5 year-old son. It’s perfect.

Three Cups even comes with a Parent’s Guide to help us individually talk to our kids about the book’s lessons.

Needless to say, I strongly personally endorse this book. It couldn’t be more appropriate in every way. Even the illustrations are right on. I love the disappointed look on the boy’s face when he first sees that his parents got him three cups for his birthday.

Buy it. Read it to your kids. Give them three cups.

Here’s the website for Three Cups:

www.3cupsbook.com

 

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Spirituality

Thankfulness for My Toddler’s Teacher

November 22, 2011 at 10:14 pm , by 

One year.


Last week when my son turned a year old, he was lucky enough to have his official birthday cupcake three different times. Therefore, I have three different pictures of the event: one with just our family of three, one with his extended party with friends and family, and one at his daycare, KinderCare.

Jack’s main teacher, Ty, had his classmates sign his birthday crown that she made for him. In case you’re wondering, the way toddlers sign things is by using their thumbprint. I have these pictures hanging up now at my cubicle at work. So while I’m listening to some weirdo on the phone tell me his life story, I can look over and catch a glimpse of what life must be like for my son in Baby Land.

I never have to question whether or not Jack is okay there at his daycare or whether or not he’s been well taken care of. After all, I’m not “that dad” who has to suppress my anxieties about my son when a non-family member is taking care of him.

He is okay. He’s more than fine. In fact, I’m pretty solid in knowing that he’s a smarter little boy because of Ty’s guidance and teaching; as compared to if he was under my care for 40 hours a week instead.

Despite an already impressive book collection at our house, we don’t spend nearly as much time as we’d like reading to Jack. But when we do, it’s very apparent that he is accustomed to being read to because of Ty. He sits there and enjoys the book when we read it to him.

Because of Ty, he now knows how to use his thumb and index finger to pick up pieces of food and bring them to his mouth. This same learned skill has also helped him to turn on the Wii when I’m not looking.

Jack has learned to find confidence and independence through Ty’s guidance. I can tell that he not only thinks the world of her, but that he also respects her.

She was telling me last week that when he starts to get into some trouble or into a mess of some sort, she will say, “Jack… no, no.” Then he starts doing his fake cry. But he is learning boundaries from her.

My wife and I are very thankful for Ty taking care of our tyke. (She creatively found ways to avoid my camera in the midst of writing this post.) It’s sad to think that in the near future he will be moving out of her age/stage group. She has been there to see him learn to walk. But the boy must grow up.

Thank God for good teachers who help our kids along the way when we parents can’t be there for every minute of it.

Unexpected Bonus!

This week I gave Ty a copy of the brand-new book, God’s Promises for the Teacher. It is a new addition to Thomas Nelson’s best-selling God’s Promises series. The book serves as a quick devotional for teachers, using specific motivational Scriptures for 45 different topics including patience, wisdom, peace, and courage.

 

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting

Send Me Your Family’s Holiday Cards for My Fridge

November 21, 2011 at 6:58 pm , by