I’m still in it and eagerly looking to land.
When a person leaps from one ledge to another, there is that moment when they soar up into the air, then for a moment they are airborne but not yet falling back down to land. That has been my leap of faith so far. Now, I am in the descension of my God-nudged leap of faith. In the most previous installment, Airborne from a God-Nudged Leap of Faith , I explained that my current inspiration for documenting this series is that my wife and I (along with our infant son) packed up our financially stable life in Nashville and moved to my hometown in Alabama. Yes, it would either take a fool, or a guy who truly believed it was his calling from God, to do a crazy thing like that.
When I say I am falling, I don’t mean that I am losing faith in God’s providence, nor do I say it to signal that I am in a crisis mode in my life. Obviously, being in this situation is very stressful, wearing, trying, and intense. I have begun to question whether this seemingly absurd move was truly what God wanted us to do, or whether it was simply my own artistic attempt to live a simpler life. Here’s what I know: Either way, at this point, it couldn’t be more clear that only God is in control of this. And there’s obviously no one else I’d rather be in control. Whether or not I “should have” or “shouldn’t have” made this extreme decision in my life, God is still faithful and I am eager to bring attention to that.
At this exact minute, I’ve just had a visual pop into my head. This whole time I’ve been picturing this leap of faith as me jumping across to another ledge of the same height. But I don’t think that’s what this is. Now I’m starting to see that I am actually jumping to a lower ledge, which requires even more faith and more strength than I realized. It makes it much more difficult to even see where I am even supposed to land.
I have been wondering in these last couple of weeks how much spiritual warfare is involved in this story. A few weeks ago, the job that I prayed that God would create a job for me here (since it evidently didn’t exist already in this small town) which would utilize my five years of marketing and sales experience along with my writing abilities. And it happened. Three weeks ago a local company called me ready for the interview, the position would start immediately, and I virtually had no competition. And then, “Mr. Budget” flew in from the corporate office and made it clear that position would be postponed (for who knows how long…). I was told I had everything they were looking for and they were all excited to get me, but randomly, I lost out. Not cancelled, at least. But still, annoyingly, postponed.
In the likeness of the on/off switch as seen on the finale episode of Lost, I wonder if right now, there honestly is nothing I can do but wait- because the switch is off. Is it spiritual warfare on just simply bad timing? God is well aware, He is constantly prayed to about the situation, and again, still in control and faithful. It’s hard to feel completely overwhelmed and helpless when, ultimately, I have this strange, still, quiet peace about it all. This is currently taped on the fridge door at my house:
“Teach me good judgement and discernment, for I rely on your commands.” -Psalm 119: 66