If you could “redo”, would you? Should you?
It’s only natural to think, “If only I could go back in time with the knowledge I know now…” That goes through my head way more than it should. About all kinds of things from my past. But to be able to do that would mean I would have the mind of a 28 year-old and the body of a kid. Unfair advantage.
I’m sure it all goes back to the hidden (male) feeling of inadequacy:
I should have made a point to build stronger friendships with certain people in high school and been more involved with school events, like decorating of the halls for Homecoming Week which I skipped out on.
I should have focused more on writing while I was in college.
I should have just gone to the University of Alabama and saved my parents thousands of dollars instead of going to a private college in Virginia.
Here’s the irony. If I would have done those things differently like I “should have” done, I wouldn’t have gained the experience that I have know to even though that those things were what I would have wanted.
I would have probably just have ended up more confused with even more “should have’s”.
So I here am, still paying off college debts because I was “supposed to” go to Liberty University in Virgina. When I could have just gone to Alabama.
In theory, if I could go back and do things in the parallel What If Universe, I would have been more confident in high school, I wouldn’t be in debt because of college, and I would have gotten a more specific education and would now be a famous author with a major book deal and a 40 state tour to sell my book, Scenic Route Snapshots. They end up making a movie from my book, starring James Franco.
That’s me totally romanticizing my life.
But I’m here instead. A great life. I wouldn’t change a thing.
I just have to quiet that daydreaming tendency in me that wonders “what if?” Of course if I really lived in that What If Universe, I have a feeling I would still end up in the same place. Dang flash-sideways. Actually, things would probably be less desirable.
I would always be wondering how my life would have been different had I left the state of Alabama after high school graduation. I would always be curious about that exotic life I never got to live. I would be envious of the life I live now.
It’s often easiest to want the things we can never have. Like the ability to go back and live in the What If Universe.
Whether or not my life would be changed, I couldn’t say the same for the lives of a few others in my life. The reason my sister and her husband met was because of where I went to college. Out of state. The kids they end up having, in some fashion, I helped bring them into existence by my random dream to go to college in Lynchburg, Virginia.
And another married couple I brought together unintentionally: During my senior year of college I ran the front desk of Liberty University’s brand new state-of-the-art student center, equipped with an Olympic sized pool and 6 basketball court. I worked the early morning shift with a girl named Jen. Every morning these two funny guys named Chris and Jesse came in to work out in the gym.
A few months went by of the usual random conversations I would have with them as they came in. The whole time, Jen was right there sitting beside me- the more soft-spoken one of us who observed and participated in our conversations of the day: “Which movie is scarier? The original Willy Wonka or The Wizard of Oz?”
For my birthday that year, Chris and Jesse performed a special dance and song they had written just for me, with the lyrics, “Naughty Nick, naughty, naughty Nick…” The corresponding dance moves involved syncopated pelvic thrusts and a finale where they pulled underwear out of their shorts and left them on the floor as a birthday souvenir. (Check the comments on the “About the Author” tab on this site. Jesse recently reminded me of all this, bringing this post into existence.)
Soon after, I took off a day from work. I returned the next day to find out that Jen agreed to go on a date with Chris- a motorcycle ride and dinner, to be exact. That was five years ago. They have since been married and recently had their first child.
What if? What if I wouldn’t have forced my friendly abstract banter with those two guys day after day? Would Jen and Chris have broken the ice? Or would he have just been another guy going to the gym have morning and she just another girl checking for student ID’s at the front desk?
Have I changed their lives forever by playing an off-beat pawn that caused them both to be on the same track?
The same could be said for John, the guy who introduced my wife and me to each other.
Thank God for all the times we don’t get to live out the “what if’s?” My guess is that it’s often the somewhat seemingly bland path we did choose that leads us to take the scenic route. And that leads us to the things we love most about our lives.
For the more comical version, read “Must Punch Punk Kid in Face” http://wp.me/pxqBU-F5