Certain things I consistently pray for and receive. These are usually the things I take for granted, like travelling safely on a road trip. I often forget to thank God once I get back home safely. When I do finally remember, I often laugh because it reminds me of two hilarious cliché catch phrases that have shown up and become popular, especially in the last decade in modern Christian vocabulary. It goes something like this:

“Lord, we just pray that You will put a hedge of protection around us and bless us with traveling mercies…”

Hedge of protection and traveling mercies. Honkin’ hilarious.

When I think of the word “hedge”, I think of either a perfectly trimmed row of bushes in a yard or Marge Simpson’s hairdo. So why pray for a hedge? Wouldn’t a stone wall with barbed wire be a lot more efficient here? Who was the person that thought that a hedge would be a good thing to protect someone with? Throw him into a tank of sharks surrounded by a hedge and see if he changes his mind.

And traveling mercies. Sounds like a silvery pixie paste a person would have to spread over their body to make them invisible. Or candy. Like the Christian version of Reese’s Pieces.

Here is the way we shall pray for safe travel:

“Lord, we pray that You will surround us with an army of angels wearing laser shooting body armor while holding a chainsaw in one hand and a machine gun in the other, all while riding pterodactyls.”

Amen.