October 14, 2012 at 10:56 pm , by Nick Shell

22 months.

Here is our most recent family picture.

There is obvious humor in the fact my wife and I look normal and happy, as our son is reaching away from us and clearly wants out of the frame.

(Also, take notice of the couple in the upper right hand corner apparently embracing while they wait in line for a port-a-potty. Awkward…)

While dozens of people “liked” the picture on Facebook, no one specifically pointed out why they connected with it.

But I think I know why.

It’s because it serves as a somewhat subtle, visual reminder to fellow parents out there:

This is normal. This is good. Enjoy it for all it’s worth.

I think one of the biggest cliches in the world of parenting is this:

“Being a parent is the toughest job in the world, but it’s also the most rewarding.”

Well, I don’t buy that. Two reasons:

First, it seems pretty obvious to me that some of the toughest jobs in the world would include prostitution, coal mining, and truck driving. I mean… right?

Second, being a parent isn’t a job. It’s simply a necessary part of life.

Life itself is tough. I know, personally, I would love have access to my own free psychiatrist just to sort it all out.

But I don’t get that.

For me, I put parenting in a category like marriage. Attempting to be a good husband is not a job. In fact, it’s so much more than that.

Now that I think about it, how insulting it is to consider being married as a job. Instead, it’s a privilege with built-in responsibility and accountability so big that it can’t just be dumbed down to “a job.”

Being a parent is so huge that many moms and dads actually stay home while their spouse goes out to work in the “professional” work force. Because being a parent is that big of a deal.

It’s that time-consuming, that stressful, and that hard to put a salary amount on.

The value of a parent is essentially priceless.

So, no, I don’t think being a parent is the hardest job in the world. If nothing else, because I’m sticking with my weird prostitution answer.

August 25, 2012 at 9:51 pm , by Nick Shell

21 months.

I am convinced that the best way to get someone to stop nagging you with their wrong opinion in regards to unsolicited parenting advice is just to simply smile and respond with, “You may be right.”

If they still go on rambling in an attempt to convert you, just said it again; this time raising your eyebrows and smiling even bigger.

You can even throw in peripheral phrases like “I think I might have read a blog about that recently” or “I’ll have to check that out.”

We live in a time when “I don’t agree with you” translates to some people as “I hate you.”

So if a person is already passionate about a polarizing parenting topic that I either A) already have a strong opinion on or B) am indifferent about, I’d rather just move on as quickly as possible to the next conversation topic, as opposed to becoming the next victim of a parenting extremist‘s solicitation speech.

Sometimes it’s just too much hassle to admit with someone that you disagree with them.

I don’t mean to sound like a person without passion and conviction. Because I am very passionate about the things that matter to me; likewise, I am extremely indifferent about the things I don’t care about or care to change.

“You may be right” is clever because it is also undeniably true.

No matter how firmly set I am in my opinions and stances on things like the kind of food I feed my kid or how I choose to discipline him, I could easily be wrong.

I am aware of that at all time. Whether the experts and scientific research support my view or not, still, I may be wrong.

Therefore, the other person with a different perspective as mine may very easily be right.

How arrogant of me to assume that I’m right most of the time about stuff. Or even half the time.

I might as well just assume, at best, I’m only right 49% of the time.

Granted, I want to be right, but I overanalyze stuff a lot.

Like when I half-jokingly wrote a post about hand-cuffing my son on the way to time-out.

It just seems weird to me that in the eyes of parents like me who are “non-spankers” it’s okay to discipline your child by physically restraining them by exiling them to time-out, as opposed to physically striking them.

Yet somehow the idea of taking physical restraint a step further and putting handcuffs on your kid is absurd.

I see double standards there. I see norms based on tradition. And I question that. I question myself.

So, I may be wrong about a lot of my parenting perspectives. The other people may be right.

And when I give them confirmation of that, it helps skip the annoying conversation topic I don’t want to be involved in, like a chapter on a DVD.

I’m such an impatient Millennial parent.

August 12, 2012 at 10:41 pm , by Nick Shell

20 months.

There is a buzz on the Internet I intend to start right now about the idea of handcuffing your toddler during their time-out sessions for bad behavior.

I am one of those parents who is attempting not to spank my child; instead focusing heavily on setting concrete expectations and follow-through for age-appropriate discipline, which does not include any form of hitting.

So by going the time-out route, I am ultimately saying this to my child:

“Instead of me physically punishing you by smacking you on the butt with my hand or a fly swatter or a paddle, I am going to socially separately you from the society of this house.

Sure, it will only be for about 2 minutes since you are about 2 years old, but you will despise it.

You will be separated from the people you love the most and who love you the most. You will be contained in your crib, which has bars like a prison. Your freedom will be temporarily be taken away.

I intend to punish you psychologically, which will in turn hopefully help to discipline you.”

Granted, I always explain to my son why he is being sent to what I call “Baby Alcatraz.” He has to say he is sorry to the person he hurt and/or offended.

I hug him afterwards and remind him that I love him. Then I say something like, “Okay, now let’s have a fun rest of the day.”

This past weekend, my sister, her husband, and their 13 month-old daughter came to visit us here in Nashville from two and a half hours away.

Though my son doesn’t have trouble sharing his toys in daycare, he evidently does here at the house. Because as he kept reminding his younger little cousin, the toys she was playing with were “MINE!”

He ended up pushing her down on the floor and hitting my sister really hard on the shin with a TV remote.

Needless to say, I escorted him upstairs to Baby Alcatraz. Twice within 20 minutes.

During that dramatic escapade, I thought to myself, “Why aren’t I arresting him with plastic toy handcuffs when I do this?”

Maybe it would help drive home the point that he is not permitted to use his hands to hurt other people.

Is “arresting” your toddler with play handcuffs really so horrible of an idea? Whether you spank them or put them in time-out, you’re still punishing them in the process of discipline.

I want to avoid physically striking my child, though I’m obviously okay with physically restraining him. What would be so bad about putting him behind bars and handcuffing him on the way there? Seems consistent to me.

Having to discipline your kid is weird and annoying anyway; are toy plastic handcuffs during time-out really so awful?

Stop me from buying plastic toy handcuffs to arrest to my son for time-out. Or support the absurd idea.

Okay, go…

Top image: Plastic toy handcuffs, via Shutterstock.

Bottom image: Adorable funny baby boy, via Shutterstock.