parenting

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Business In The Front Seat, Party In The Back Seat

January 2, 2013 at 11:45 pm , by 

2 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

When our family is travelling anywhere, whether it’s a 20 minute drive into the next neighborhood of Nashville or a 2 hour drive across the Tennessee state line, I know my role: I am the civilized chauffeur.

You and Mommy, on the other hand, well, that’s a whole different story.

While I’m in my own peaceful world in the driver’s seat, semi-sedated in a serene trance thanks to the likes of Fountain of Wayne’s Hackensack, there’s a party going on in the back.

There you are, with your black sunglasses with skulls, in the midst of doing a photo shoot for the linear notes of your next rock album.

As for Mommy, she’s only encouraging the total Gangnam style, complete with good times and tomfoolery.

I learn so much of what really goes on in our family by looking through the pictures on the camera, days after the pictures are taken.

It’s rare that Mommy drives while I’m in the backseat with you; the main reason being I want to give Mommy a chance to have fun with you and not worry about having to concentrate on something serious.

Obviously, it works- as you can see in this picture which she is not aware I am making public.

I’ve never thought about it until now, but it’s usually the other way around.

Usually it’s me chasing you around the house like I’m a rabies-infected jaguar while Mommy is busy doing the important stuff, like cooking dinner.

But when it comes to the family drive, I’m the serious one and Mommy is the one who gets to tickle and tease you.

I suppose, by default, Mommy and I have learned to take turns when it comes to who is playing the business role and who is hosting the party with you.

Seldom are the times where we all three get to all be loud goofballs together, or just as important, when we all three get to chill out on the couch watchingMater’s Tall Tales; which is your new favorite obsession on Netflix.

Just like the importance of budgeting our money, it’s very important that we budget quality time together as a family.

Mommy and I value our time with you: We are aware of all the cliches that “they grow up too fast.”

With that in my mind, we as your 31 year-old parents regularly remind ourselves the importance of not acting like grown-ups with you, all the time.

We like pretending to be a kid, like you. It’s a good perspective.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

 

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How Is The “3-Year-Old Look” Different Than The 2-Year-Old’s?

December 19, 2012 at 12:11 am , by 

2 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

Mommy and I couldn’t help but notice the consistency between random strangers’ comments when they see you in public.

They either A) comment by saying, “Wow, you’re a big boy!” or B) they assume you’re 3 years old instead of 2.

I’m intrigued by this phenomenon. Why do strangers, and even my co-workers who see your pictures hanging up at my cubicle, assume you’re a year older than you actually are?

It might be assumed because of your size, but here’s the thing, kid: You couldn’t be a more average-sized 2-year-old boy. The doctor confirmed at your 2 year check-up that you are in the 50th percentile for height and weight.

As I’ve explained before, you’ll grow to be about 5’8”, which is double your current height of 34 inches.

Could it be that you “act older?” Maybe, but your vocabulary doesn’t seem to reflect that of a 3-year-old.

Maybe it’s that these random strangers don’t have daily access to a 2-year-old boy, to know what’s normal. Perhaps it’s been a decade or so since they were exposed to the accurate size and behavior of a 2-year-old.

This may seem like the strangest reason, but maybe it’s simply your hair that makes you seem older.

Mommy and I have been keeping your hair cut short on the sides and back; ever since you were just a few months old. We decided the default chili bowl haircut just wasn’t for you.

So whatever it it is, possibly even a combination of all the explanations, I have a feeling you will continue looking like you’re a year older than you are. Granted, your skin is as wrinkle-free as Ryan Seacrest’s, but you just have the look of a 3-year-old; whatever that is.

I’m really curious to know: How can you really tell a 2-year-old from a 3-year-old if they’re not standing right next to each other? Observe your 3-year-old friends at daycare tomorrow and let me know!

 

Love,

Daddy

 

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The Age When Bathing With A Child Becomes Inappropriate

December 9, 2012 at 9:47 pm , by 

2 years.

Dear Jack,

I know that it’s normal for parents to bathe with their kids…up to a certain age.

After all, it saves water and time; both of which should be treated as the commodities they are.

So I also assume that in most American households it’s not so unusual for a child to bathe with a sibling either…but only up to a certain age.

Honestly, I’m not really sure when that age for me was. I just know that at some point family nudity became a thing of the foggy past.

There was no official conversation, no family talk about it, no overt incident where in the likeness of the fall of Adam and Eve, I suddenly realized it was a strange thing to be naked in front of (and with) my family.

But here’s the thing…

I have no plans to bathe with you; as in, I’m in the same bath water or under the same shower nozzle as you. It’s just a personal thing I guess, but I would rather help you bathe while I’m outside of the tub, instead of in the tub with you.

Somehow that makes me feel more in control of the process; like your bath director.

There are many things in this world that I am willing to share with you as your dad, but I don’t think I want bath water to be one of them.

That may seem like a double standard because I so quickly support you coming in the bathroom to watch me use the potty standing up.

For me though, there’s a difference. One seems natural and normal while the other makes me feel uncomfortable, somehow.

Who knows? Maybe I’ll cave when and if you end up with a brother or sister and I find myself so strapped for time that I actually think it’s easier to bathe with you. I can’t know for sure.

Maybe my hesitation has to do with the fact that I perceive taking a shower as a daily ritual where I can truly zone out. Maybe I just don’t want to sacrifice one of the few times of the day where I can actually do nothing and not be responsible for about 12 minutes.

And maybe this is simply more proof that I have no desire to be a helicopter parent. Attachment parenting is just not my style, kid.

I don’t know what percentage of parents, dads in particular, bathe with their young children. Assuming that percentage is the majority, I apologize in advance for all the trauma I will cause you by not sharing bathwater with you.

 

Love,

Daddy

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I Will Try To Teach My Son Not To Say Stupid Things

November 25, 2012 at 7:50 pm , by 

2 years.

Dear Jack,

On Thanksgiving day, Mommy and I were pulling you around the neighborhood for an afternoon wagon ride, per your request.

We pulled around the corner to find two new grandpas getting out of their trucks, so proud to go inside and see their 8-day-old grandson. The two of them had traveled from out of town to see him.

“Oh, 8 days old? That’s the day he would be circumcised according to Jewish tradition. But I guess he was probably circumcised after just a couple of days while he was still in the hospital, right?”

It didn’t end there. I went on about your circumcision and probably how I don’t remember my own.

Then, finally, I shut up.

I reminded myself to just let those two new grandpas glory in their new grandson.

All I had to do was just smile and say some encouraging comment like, “Just imagine, in two years, you’ll be pulling your grandson around the neighborhood in a Radio Flyer wagon.”

Normally, I wouldn’t have had circumcision on my brain. But I had just finished a book called The Circumcision Decision. And evidently, my filter wasn’t working.

I’m referring to the John Mayer song, “My Stupid Mouth,” where he says, “How could I forget? Mama said, ‘Think before speaking.’ No filter in my head, oh what’s a boy to to do? I guess I’d better find one soon.”

Honestly, it had been a while since I had said something that stupid, making things so awkward that the only way to salvage the situation was to politely walk away and say, “Have a nice day.”

Son, I spent the majority of my childhood saying dumb things out loud, which I instantly regretted. I remember in 5th grade setting a goal of trying to make it one whole year without saying something awkward and embarrassing myself.

Didn’t make it a week.

So much of being successful and influential in life is being able to know what to say to people, but even more important is knowing when just to say nothing at all.

As you grow up, I will be here to help direct you on this. I want you to naturally say less stupid things than I did when I was a kid. I want you to learn from my mistakes.

It’s my wish for you that you won’t be able to relate to John Mayer’s song as much as I do.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

 

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Losing Sleep Over Where My Son Will Sleep (Part 2)

November 1, 2012 at 3:08 pm , by 

23 months.

Thank God. We are in the middle of our vacation week and Jack is sleeping all the way through the night.

It’s because of readers who commented on “Losing Sleep Over Where My Son Will Sleep (Part 1)” that we decided on our son’s sleeping arrangements while we’re staying out here in California:

We have pushed two twin beds together. One is against a wall, where Jack sleeps, and it is bordered with big pillows.

From the very first night, this system has worked well. I have no complaints and have experienced no stress in regards to Jack sleeping.

In fact, he almost sleeps better this way. Last night he slept for 12 and a half hours!

The first morning I was so happy that I promised to get him a treat.

We drove by a party store and let him pick out two Made-in-China plastic animals that cost 35 cents each, as well as, a 65 cent mini Rubik’s Cube.

For his animals, Jack chose another horse and sheep that looks like he peed over itself; it has a yellow underbelly. (Pictured right.)

So I haven’t turned into the Incredible Hulk and the three of us are very well rested on our vacation.

Use me as your Guinea Pig. If you are planning a vacation with a toddler who doesn’t sleep well in new environments, try what I did.

Put pillow borders around a bed that is against a wall and stick to your child’s normal bedtime rituals.

I’m not saying that we haven’t had a share of other behavioral issues since we’ve been here, though. Stay tuned for an upcoming post referring to India Syndrome.

But as long as everybody’s getting sleep here, I’ve got no complaints.