funny

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

Self-Imposed Time-Out Instead Of Getting Dressed

June 26, 2013 at 10:19 pm , by 

2 years, 7 months.

Dear Jack,

Three months ago, I told about how you willingly put yourself in time-out as punishment for accidentally hitting my leg while I was getting you dressed one morning… then you tried to escape from being in time-out!

Well, Mommy told me how this week you’ve been pulling a similar, yet almost opposite stunt.

You announce to Mommy, “I want to be in trouble.”

Of course, that means you can’t watch any of your shows on Netflix or any monster truck clips on the laptop.

It would be ironic if it weren’t for the fact that it’s your attempt at avoiding getting dressed.

There’s definitely some circular reasoning in this story I’m trying to sort out:

You don’t want to get dressed, so you want to be in trouble to be put in time-out, which then makes it more difficult to get dressed since you’re supposed to sit alone in the corner.

However, you still have to get dressed anyway, but if you don’t listen to Mommy as she’s trying to help you get dressed, there’s a good chance you’ll end up in time-out.

Ultimately, two things are inevitable: Getting dressed and time-out.

Of course, there’s the both reasonable and practical option:

Let Mommy get you dressed without a fight, then she’ll let you watch Netflix or monster trucks on the computer.

I really look forward to the day that getting you dressed is no longer a struggle.

But then, you might not provide me with funny stories of the illogical situations you get yourself into.

 

Love,

Daddy

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, People

That Glazed-Over Stare Means You’re Learning

June 18, 2013 at 10:18 pm , by 

2 years, 7 months.

Dear Jack,

Here’s a picture of you at the Nashville Zoo last Friday night during an animal show where you saw and learned about the Clouded Leopard.

You were lucky- Mommy and I let you stay up an hour past your bed time that night!

It was quite the spectacle for a 2 and a half year-old boy to witness, though that might not have been obvious to anyone sitting near us.

Seriously, check out the look on your face.

To me, you appear in this photo to be extremely bored or at least slightly sedated, as you munch on your goldfish crackers.

However, this is simply how you look when you are learning.

You have taught me that when you have that glazed-over look on your face and remain silent, you couldn’t be any more in tune with what’s going on. That’s simply you taking it all in.

About six months ago, I took you by the reptile aquarium/pet store near our house. You were expressionless the whole time.

Yet even now, when we drive by that place, you ask to go back to see the lizards and snakes.

Though you never look excited when I let you watch your favorite shows on Netflix, like All About Monster Trucks with Hard Hat Harry, you never smile… just that glazed-over stare.

Then, an hour later, you’ll be playing on the floor, imitating the monster truck mayhem you absorbed earlier.

So I’m no longer fooled into thinking you’re not learning or at least being entertained. I know you’re totally paying attention and anything I do or say during that time may and will be used against me.

Sure, you’ll smile and laugh while you play; when you’re the one creating. But you respect the process of being presented with education (and entertainment) so much, you take it extremely seriously.

Some might even say too seriously.

I just say you’re intense.

 

Love,

Daddy

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

2 And A Half Year-Old Fails Driver’s Test

June 13, 2013 at 9:57 pm , by 

2 years, 6 month.

Dear Jack,

I’m sorry to break it to you, but it will still be another 13 years or so before you are able to get your driver’s license.

Mommy and I decided to test you early for your driver’s license, using a fire truck you built out of couch pillows while we were making dinner.

The part of the test you did extremely well on was part where you prepared to drive.

You very meticulously (and cheerfully) put on your seat belt.

However, you didn’t do so hot once you started up the fire truck: You pretty much immediately crashed.

All that safety preparation for nothing… Well, no, actually it balanced things out I guess. I’ll let you decided for yourself- here’s a video  clip of the event:

I’m still trying to figure out why you had to “start the fire” at the back of the truck before buckling yourself in.

Two theories:

Either you A) were starting a fire on the fire truck itself so you could put it out with itself or B) you were starting the fire truck, which for some reason the ignition was at the back of the vehicle.

Another thing I’m confused about is why you named your toy fire truck “Mater” and why you had to go get him to help you after you evidently crashed your pillow fire truck in the garage.

I am seeking logical answers, please.

Love,

Daddy

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

Do You Speak “2 And A Half Year-Old?”

June 1, 2013 at 11:06 pm , by 

2 years, 6 months.

Dear Jack,

Yesterday for our Friday afternoon routine where I take you to the park during my lunch break, I decided to make it extra special and go monster-truckin’ with you.

By that, I mean that we pretended our Craig’s List-purchased jogging stroller was a monster truck as we ransacked our way through the park.

By “ransacked,” I mean that we made screeching tires noises as I popped wheelies, rushed you down hills, and pretended like I was about to crash you into trees.

We stopped in the middle of a bridge over troubled water to look for fish. Being that it had just rained, I knew our chances weren’t that good.

But then you yelled out in excitement, “It’s Dimo! I see Dimo, Daddy!”

I had no idea what you were talking about. All I saw was an orange leaf stuck on a log in the middle of the creek.

When I took you back to school, your teacher Ms. Lauren asked you what you did with Daddy at the park.

You shyly looked down and smiled: “I saw Dimo.”

Ms. Lauren responded the same way I did, thinking you were talking about Barney the Dinosaur, as you typically refer to him as “Dino.”

You corrected us, as well as Mommy, once we got home: “No, Dimo!”

During bath time, you talked to Mommy more about seeing Dimo with me at the park.

“I thought it was a fish, but it was just an orange leaf,” you explained.

It wasn’t until this afternoon when Mommy and I took you to Kohl’s to help pick out your cousin Calla’s birthday gifts that we understood.

There was a plush Nemo doll next to some Spiderman action figures.

“Dimo! I found him!”

And that’s when the light bulb went off. “Dimo” is Nemo. You found Nemo.

More importantly, you thought you saw him with me yesterday.

That’s why you were so excited with me at the park- you thought you saw Nemo in the water.

I’m learning to speak your language… the language of “2 and a half-year old.”

 

Love,

Daddy

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting

A Yogurt And Tortilla Backsplash

June 1, 2013 at 10:21 pm , by 

2 years, 6 months.

Dear Jack,

Some people just love doing home renovations. I wish I was one of them.

Walking into Lowe’s not only intimates me because of my lack of knowledge and skills as a handyman, but also because I know there’s no such thing as walking into Lowe’s just once for a project.

It’s simply the first of many times I think I have everything I need. Typically, a medium-sized project ensures at least four Lowe’s trips.

The dollar signs associated with those trips, plus knowing that I’ve underbudgeted my money as well as my time, well… it just helps explain why I’m not one of those people who loves doing home renovations.

Fortunately, Papa (my dad) knows how to do ceramic tiling and was willing to spend his Memorial Day weekend doing a backsplash for our kitchen while Mommy and I… assisted.

And by that, I mainly mean that we prepared our delicious vegan meals for him and Nonna.

I had feared that the whole time that while Papa was trying to work, you’d be trying to hang all over him, saying, “Papa, Papa! Play with me! Hold me!”

Instead, you chilled out with everyone. Thank you for that.

I appreciated your demonstration of becoming more independent.

You were soaking it all in, though. During lunch, you declared, “I tiling!”

After watching Papa glue the tile panels on the wall, you decided you would do the same with your yogurt and pieces of wheat tortilla.

In hindsight, I now can clearly see why you asked for those two items for that meal.

Fortunately for you, your yogurt and tortilla project wasn’t your only hands-on exposure to doing a backsplash last weekend.

Nonna took a couple of pictures with her phone and sent them to me while Mommy and I were at church.

I have to admit, you actually looked like you knew what you you doing… definitely compared to me, at least.

Ah, at last, our backsplash project is finally complete!

That’s one major milestone for our family as we work our way closer to moving our way out of our townhouse and eventually into “a real house.”

A real house where there will be more room- in case we end up needing it.

 

Love,

Daddy