funny

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Spirituality

I’m Not Sure St. Peter’s Pickup Truck Was In The Bible…

October 14, 2013 at 7:58 pm , by 

2 years, 10 months.

Dear Jack,

This evening while Mommy was buying groceries, you and I played with the Dollar General version of Play-Doh, called Craft Dough.

With your 5 pack of Craft Dough came a very rare color… black.

You decided to make a camper for your Dodge Ram pickup truck, so you began stuffing the bed with black dough.

In the process, you picked up your St. Peter action figure and his boat, and stuck them in the back of the truck, then stood Jesus on top of a couple containers of Craft Dough nearby.

You ended up nixing the whole camper idea altogether and I got to hear the dialogue of the new plot line:

“Jesus, I gotta drive my truck and take my boat. Do you want to go?” Peter asked.

“No, I’ll just stay here today,” Jesus replied, in your falsetto voice.

I immediately began imagining a new kids’ show which featured favorite Bible characters in a modern day setting.

Yeah, that wouldn’t go over well at all…

But just the thought of Jesus and Peter as buddies who drive pickup trucks and take the boat for a spin out on the lake, instead of the familiar “walk on the water” story everyone knows, it’s pretty much hilarious to me!

In the process of trying to find Biblical action figures last Christmas, which you asked for by the way, I noticed there weren’t a lot of toy companies that made them.

Not only is there probably not an abundance of toy companies who are willing to make religious action figures, but there’s also the fact that those toys may very well end up in random activities which are more likely to show up in the lyrics of a Country song than they are in a sermon.

To be honest, I’m suprised it’s actually taken you this long to crack me up with your inevitable and accidentally humorous (and somehow seemingly inappropriate?) use of Jesus and St. Peter action figures during playtime.

What would Jesus do? I’m not sure sometimes…

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Leave a comment Posted on Nostalgia, parenting

Hey! Scout, Want To Come To My House Today and Play?

October 6, 2013 at 4:17 pm , by 

2 years, 10 months.

Dear Jack,

On the drive to school Friday morning, I heard you turn on your LeapFrog cell phone and start talking to My Pal Scout:

“Hey! Scout, want to come to my house today and play?”

After the call ended, you explained to me, “Daddy, Scout’s coming over for dinner and he’s sleeping in my bed tonight!”

I wanted to make sure it actually happened, even if you forgot about it later on in the day.

As soon as we got home, I reminded you about Scout coming over.

You can see here in this picture, you gave Scout a reminder call about the plans for the evening.

Minutes later, the doorbell rang.

“Jack! Come answer the door! It’s for you!” I yelled out from the other room.

You screamed with amazement.

There he was… Scout was waiting for you near the doorstep!

(And he happened to be sitting on a paper towel, for some reason.)

As I opened the door for you and Scout, I could see how surprised you were that Scout actually showed up after you called him on the phone!

By the time you made your way to the living room to play with him, though, you asked me with a confused look on your face, “I have two Scouts? Daddy, will you go get my other Scout upstairs?”

Oops. Busted.

So I did my best to explain that was the same Scout.

For me, the whole thing was an experiment to see how much of the story you’d go along with.

I wanted to know if you knew the whole thing was pretend, tracing all the way back to when you called Scout that morning.

Even now, I’m not totally sure. I mean, I’m pretty sure you know that I was just perpetuating your story line.

Either way, I was committed to make your make-believe story come true.

You said Scout was eating dinner with us and sleeping in the bed with you. So I had to make sure Scout “followed” you around, from playtime…

…to dinner…

…to bedtime.

You and Scout had a fun sleepover Friday night and it’s all because you called him and invited him over!

Plus, I might have had a thing or two to do with it.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

 

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

Counting Random Cell Phone Keyboards, Like A Boss

October 3, 2013 at 8:49 pm , by 

2 years, 10 months.

Dear Jack,

Some things in life just can’t be explained. For example, why are there over a dozen cell phone keyboards in the parking lot of your school?

Since a couple of weeks ago when we started parking next to your teachers’ Mustangs, we discovered a strange array of cell phone keyboards as we got out of my car.

It’s so strange…

There are no other cell phone parts anywhere else around. Just the keyboards.

Are cell phone keyboards hot on the black market right now?

Did a cell phone keyboard bandit run across your school’s parking lot, carrying hundreds of them over his shoulder in a giant sack, that happened to have a slit in it, causing many of them to fall onto the ground?

That’s the best explanation I can come up with.

Needless to say, you’re pretty fascinated by the mystery (and possible government conspiracy?) of these cell phone keyboards.

Our new daily tradition is that every time we now get out of or into our car in the school parking lot, you like to get down and count them.

Today when I picked you up from school, your teacher Ms. Lauren updated me on the funny thing you said to her this time:

“Ms. Lauren, there’s cell phones in the parking lot. I counted them. There’s 10 of them!”

You’re right. You indeed count 10 of them each time.

It is because of the cell phone keyboards that I now officially know you can count to 10. Because you do it at least once a day now.

Even without meaning to, you found a way to test out what you learn at school.

I think it’s safe to say that cell phone keyboards may be the most peculiar thing you will ever use in the process of learning to count.

As for the mystery of how they got there, I guess we’ll just have to ask God when we get to Heaven one day.

 

Love,

Daddy

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, vegan

Quality Family Time For My Kid Is… Going To Whole Foods?

September 28, 2013 at 6:37 am , by 

2 years, 10 months.

Dear Jack,

Mommy and I do our best to make sure that the little time we have together as a family is as quality time as possible.

We recognize that even the exact events that are intended to be exciting family adventures can end up taking away from quality time instead of enhancing it.

Knowing that we’ve got a fun road trip to Louisville coming up in just two weeks, we’re trying to make sure that this weekend and next are relatively chill.

It could be easy to assume that the low key events that take place on weekends like this would be somehwhat not that exciting for you.

But I can’t be too sure…

On Monday at your school, I saw on the wall a giant list entitled “What Do We Do With Our Families?”

As usual, you had perhaps the most seemingly random answer of all for the list:

“I go to Whole Foods and go to the pool with Daddy and Mommy!”

The pool part makes sense… but Whole Foods?

I thought it might truly just be nothing more than a random answer, but this reference to Whole Foods came up on again on Friday.

Mrs. Tonya, your school’s director, was telling me how you, the assistant director, and some of your friends were sitting at a table, pretending to be riding in a car.

When Ms. Lisa, the assistant director, asked where everyone wanted to go, the answers immediately starting coming in from your friends: to the playground, to the zoo, to play with toys, etc.

Then came your answer:

“Let’s go to Whole Foods!”

I imagine it was one of those moments where it was as if music was playing, then suddendly, the DJ stopped the vinyl record and everyone froze what their were doing, in an instant state of confusion.

Lesson learned.

Even if it seems to me like certain family activities would not be fun for you, like buying groceries with Mommy and Daddy at Whole Foods, there’s still a decent chance you may identify that event as the most exciting one there is.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

My Kid Is The Proud Line Leader, 24/7

September 27, 2013 at 10:44 pm , by 

2 years, 10 months.

Dear Jack,

In the culture of nearly 3 year-olds, I’m assuming that the “line leader” status is pretty much king.

Mommy and I have been noticing that you have been using the term quite frequently as you play with your cars:

“I’m the line leader, I gotta go before you,” I’ll hear you say in a falsetto voice, portraying whichever Hot Wheels car is that is indeed the appointed line leader.

What’s really funny is that you have now begun daily announcing yourself as the line leader… each morning when it’s just you and me as we’re leaving the house for school.

It first happened one day last week as I was sitting down on the carpet, putting on my shoes. You stood up and calm-assertively darted to the front door:

“I’m the line leader.”

At that exact moment, I was preoccupied with thoughts of gathering together my lunch and your snacks for the car.

But I soon realized that I had to take you quite seriously on your claim.

So I just rolled with it.

Though I’ve always been very particular and strict about not letting you anywhere near a street or parking lot without me holding on to you, I realized I need to start showing you I trust you with some boundaries.

Our deal now is that you get to lead us to the 2nd sidewalk square from our front door while I lock up. Granted, I never take my eyes off you while I’m doing it: I’m in reaching distance of you.

Sure, it’s just a matter of a few feet each morning, but you do indeed get to be the line leader.

The current theme/new cool word in your life right now is very clear to me. So I’m trying to make it more relevant for my own life too.

Yesterday morning on the misty, Seattle-like drive to school, you asked me why I stopped to let the 18 wheeler turn in front of me.

My reply: “Because… he’s the line leader.”

I figured you could follow that logic.

 

Love,

Daddy