funny

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Dear Jack: Are You Trying to Be Beavis?

13 years, 6 months.

Dear Jack,

As of today, you are exactly 13 and a half years old.

Living in the same house as you everyday, seeing you walk by me, I tend to think, “That’s the same boy who a decade ago was obsessed with collecting Thomas the Train toys. But now, he’s grown up. He’s a teenager. I am the father of a teenage son.” I am still grasping with the concept.

A few weeks ago at your sister’s birthday party, your Aunt Dana took a couple of pictures of you with your cousin Calla. Of course, you couldn’t help but to have a ridiculous composure.

I’m definitely getting Beavis vibes there. (The one with the blonde hair, wearing the Metallica t-shirt.)

This is a glimpse of what a 13 and a half year-old boy is like.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: Your Pink Temporary Face Tattoo

13 years, 3 months.

Dear Jack,

This past weekend our family went to a yoga-themed birthday party for our friend Mohamad and Lena’s daughter Hanna, who turned eight years old.

Though you knew going into it that there would be no one your age, I could tell you were excited to be a part of it.

As soon as we walked into the party, which was at a rec center, you immediately accepted an offer to receive a temporary tattoo. You chose for it to be placed on your face. And it was pink.

Now here we are, nearly a week later, and the pink tattoo is still on your face, in full unfaded glory.

That means that everyone at your school, specifically your 7th grade classmates, have no choice but to A) look at you with a pink face tattoo and B) accept that you are confident enough to go around all week with a pink face tattoo.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: I’m Pretty Sure You’re on Santa’s Naughty List Now

13 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

I learned earlier this week that you ordered online your most powerful pellet gun yet. The next day, it magically arrived at our doorstep.

Naturally, you tested out the new sight in our living room.

As is your tradition with your friend and our neighbor Aiden, you found something interesting in the neighborhood dumpster: A cardboard cut-out of Santa.

This story couldn’t end any other way: Santa has become your official target for shooting your new air rifle.

You are able to shoot through 8 cans in one shot. So I’m pretty sure Santa won’t be holding up for much longer.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: Your “Cat Turned Potato” Creation from Art Class

13 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

A week ago you walked through the door after school, nonchalantly holding your newest finished project from art class.

I was expecting a smirk from you, or at least a curious pause for me to immediately start laughing.

My obvious initial guess was wrong.

You simply explained, “I was trying to make a cat, but then its ears didn’t look right, so I tried to turn into a potato instead, but I left the legs on so it could sit up straight.”

For the past week, your “cat/potato” art creation has been placed in the center of our kitchen table.

Your sister keeps asking me to move it, as for some reason, your art creation is not providing a very appetizing dining experience.

 

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Holly: That Time We Technically Couldn’t Afford Your Smiley Face Pancakes

7 years, 3 months.

Dear Holly,

On our recent annual visit to California, our family finally checked out the town of Chico; where Mommy went to college in Northern California.

She insisted we stop for breakfast at one of her favorite restaurants from 20 years ago, called Sin of Cortez.

It was never openly broadcasted when we walked in that this was a “cash or check only” restaurant.

We only found this out after we had eaten our breakfast and the waitress brought us the bill.

I purposely do not carry much cash in my wallet anyway, but especially not when I am on vacation.

Between the cash I had in my wallet, and the change Mommy had in her purse, we were still a dollar short.

The waitress excused the dollar and allowed us to pay her tip through Venmo.

All you knew was, you really liked your smiley face pancakes!

Love,

Daddy