February 26, 2013 at 11:10 pm , by Nick Shell

2 years, 3 months.

Dear Jack,

I missed the Dad 2.0 Summit this year; which is basically the official annual conference for daddy bloggers.

Conveniently, The New York Times published an article on their website a few days ago, which does a great job of filling me in on the conversations that took place there without me.

While I wish I would have known about Dad 2.0 Summit beforehand, because I totally would have flown out to Houston to been a part of it as I am now marking my calendar for next year, at the same time it sort of sounds like the main takeaway from Dad 2.0 is the same point I have been writing about for years now on The Dadabase:

Dads don’t want to be seen as idiots who make messes and who are sub-par parents.

It’s subtle, yet very present in media. I feel that there are still too many companies getting it wrong. Allow me to critique the Robitussin commercial featured at the top of this post, for example.

Of this 17 second commercial, the first 2 seconds are done right.

We are introduced to a mom and dad who are together putting their baby to sleep. They lovingly look at each other as if to mutually say, “I love you and our new addition to our family.”

But then, from 0:03 to 0:06, the dad coughs, waking the baby and earning a frustrated and disapproving look from his wife. By 0:07, we see the dad give his wife a pat on the back right before he walks away to go grab some Robitussin for his cough, seen from 0:10 to 0:12.

There is some resolve by 0:13, when the dad returns, this time not coughing, as the mom is able to lay down the now sleeping baby in the crib.

Okay, so that commercial wasn’t horrible, but it needs some revisions to earn the respect of dads like me.

If they had to make it to where the dad coughs and wakes up the baby, he could have appeared to be less of a [jerk] if, when he came back from taking the Robitussin, he took the baby from his wife, allowing her to go back to bed, then putting the baby to sleep himself.

When you really consider the role of the dad in this commercial, all he really did besides just stand there, was that he made life  harder for his wife.

And seriously, pause this commercial on 0:05. Check out the look on the wife’s face…

No husband ever wants to receive that look from his wife.

Like I said a month ago in “All I Ever Wanted Was To Be A Dad,” Said Few Men Ever, as your dad, I gain a lot of confidence and self-worth by knowing that I am doing a good job of supporting you and Mommy.

But when I see a commercial like this, I am not offended, but I do think, “There’s just another dad-bashing commercial feeding into concept that the housewife desperately needs another product because of the mess her husband made.”

Part of my passion as a daddy blogger is attempting to make it taboo for dads to be portrayed as the classic idiot in ads. I’m not even asking to be seen as the hero. I’ll take neutral at this point.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

November 21, 2012 at 10:11 pm , by Nick Shell

2 years old.

Dear Jack,

There’s this cliche about dads trying to live their lives vicariously through their sons.

As the dad thinks back on his own life, regarding things he wishes he could have done differently, he attempts to rewrite history by making sure his son does those things he was never able or willing to.

Well, that’s what I’m doing with you.

But not in the token way where I force you to play sports or try to make you become a doctor or lawyer.

The way I am doing it is much more simple, yet epic.

What I am attempting to do is to make you a braver and more daring little boy than I was.

I remember crying a lot as a little boy because I was afraid to try or do anything new.

Back in Halloween 1986, there was this church party where one of the dads put together this 12 foot long tunnel cave out of refrigerator boxes.

I only made it through about four feet of that tunnel before I turned around. That decision symbolized a lot of the remainder of my childhood.

It was probably 4th grade before I began developing a true sense of confidence in who I was, and therefore, my ability to overcome my fears of taking on scary challenges.

However, I don’t think you’ll be the timid little boy I remember being. With just a little prodding, I am able to get you to choose to overcome your anxieties.

Fast forward from Halloween 1986 to Halloween 2012. A few weeks ago, when we were in Sacramento visiting Mommy’s side of the family, your cousin Savannah wanted to play with you in the “jumpy house.”

You had always been afraid of jumpy houses. I basically forced you into the jumpy house, then Savannah took over from there.

The truth is, you barely hesitated once you got inside. Then you you couldn’t get enough.

I was only able to eventually pry you away because it was time to eat cake.

Sure, I sort of forced you to overcome your fear. But ultimately, it was your decision. Had you cried and thrown a tantrum, I would have given up.

Instead, you gave it a shot.

You’re a brave little boy.

I never made it through that refrigerator box tunnel in the church basement. It still bothers me to this day.

Son, I admire your will and your courage at such a young age.

So while I may live vicariously through you sometimes as I try to get you to do things I would have been too afraid to when I was your age, you don’t really need my influence too much.

Sure, my gentle push helps. But you’re brave and curious enough on your own.

 

Love,

Daddy

May 30, 2012 at 7:57 pm , by Nick Shell

A year and a half.

There’s no denying it. An active and involved dad in a kid’s life is a big deal.

But beyond the bare minimal cliches like showing up for ball games and ballet recitals is a dad who cares enough to tell his kids “I love you.”

And “I’m proud of you.” Regularly.

I think about the token Freudian question, “How is your relationship with your father?”

Surely we are all aware that where there is anger or mistrust or distance or absence in regards to one’s father, there is a higher risk for a tougher version of life in general for that individual.

I’ve pointed out before in “The Positive Re-branding Of Fatherhood” that today’s modern American dad is either very much a part of his children’s lives or he is completely not in the picture at all. The typical Generation X and Y dads are not likely to fall somewhere in between the two extremes.

Therefore, I think it’s safe to say that a dad who is in the picture is not afraid to emotionally express those words that every child needs to hear.

As for our own dads and their dads, were they told “I love you” by their own fathers? From what I’ve gathered from real life conversations and movies starring Kevin Costner, I am led to believe the answer is no.

I don’t think I’m odd for telling my son I love him and for kissing him on the cheek at least a handful of times each day.

That’s normal and expected. And though I won’t kiss him in public as I’m dropping him off for school by the time he’s in Junior High, my physical and verbal affection for him will still remain strong.

It’s interesting to try to sort out what is masculine as opposed to what deserves a man card being pulled.

(I tried writing a blog post about it once but it turned out really lame, so please don’t go back and read it because I’m very embarrassed by it! I so seriously wish I could delete it from The Dadabase.)

So while I will admit I’m not the kind of dad who will likely become “that dad” in worst of ways, embarrassing and emasculating my son in front of his friends by overly expressing my easily earned love and approval for him, he will be able to give a positive and endearing answer when it comes to answering the question:

“How is your relationship with your father?”