Do Little Boys Want To Eat Spiders, Shovels, & Cookies?

March 2, 2014 at 10:58 pm , by 

3 years, 3 months.

Dear Jack,

Last Saturday morning while we were grocery shopping at Whole Foods, we were informed that a cookie decorating class was about to start and that we were invited.

What it basically meant is that I used the plant-based icing (not from petroleum or crushed bugs) to draw pictures on your cookie, while Mommy did the shopping on the other end of the store.

When I asked you how you wanted me to decorate your cookie, you responded, “A spider!”

So I drew a spider in the center of the cookie.

But there were clearly other cool colors of icing on the table, which you saw as an opportunity for me to draw other random objects- apparently the first ones that came to mind.

Therefore, I also drew you a shovel underneath the spider… as well as a picture of a cookie, on the cookie itself.

Wow.

Even now, I catch myself trying to read into your artwork: What do a shovel, a spider, and a cookie all have in common?

The only answer I can come up with is that they are all things that you believed should be on a cookie.

I mean, seriously, what 3 year-old little boy wouldn’t want to eat a food in the likeness of  spiders, shovels, and cookies.

Turns out, a few days later, at school you chose to make an art collage with spiders. Why? We’re nowhere near Halloween?

In fact, I think I need to Tweet out this idea to Annie’s Homegrown…

Thanks to you, they may have just stumbled upon the next great marketing idea: Little boys want to eat food that is decorated or shaped like spiders, shovels, and cookies.

What if Annie’s Homegrown made a special edition mac-and-cheese where the noodles were shaped like those three things?

It could be the 3 Year-Old Little Boy edition. All the other boys your age would be so grateful for your clever and relevant idea of eating pasta shaped like spiders, shovels, and cookies.

Keep these creative marketing ideas coming… you never know what might happen.

Spiders, shovels, and cookies.

dig it.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Are M&M’s Petroleum-Based Food Dyes Really “The Finest Ingredients”?

Photobombed By My Own Kid

February 8, 2014 at 11:31 pm , by 

3 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

Look at this picture… You totally photobombed me!

“Photobombing is the act of inserting oneself into the field of view of a photograph, often in order to play a practical joke on the photographer or the subjects.” –Wikipedia

I am pretty sure you were being sneaky; totally knowing what you were doing.

Here lately, I have been posting pictures of our “plant-based meals” on Facebook, as my way of showing the outside world what we eat.

Because, hey, I was always curious what vegans ate before I came one.

It’s by no means intended as a way to “convert” anyone to my lifestyle. I do it more as a way for people who are already curious and open-minded to learn more.

I’ve had several Facebook friends tell me that they enjoy and appreciate the insight I give them on this kind of stuff. That’s who it’s intended for.

Granted, I do this also expecting some funny comments from any Facebook friends who might be… how should I put it?…

Skeptics.

Like when I posted a picture which half-jokingly referred to myself as a “lentil and potatoes” kind of guy. (As opposed to a “meat and potatoes” kind of guy.)

I actually consider it bonus points when I can get friends and family to say “GROSS!” or say something like, “That looks good, but sure would be better with some bacon!”

I get it that our family eats from a different menu than the mainsteam, but instead of keeping quiet about it as to not offend those who are not curious, I like to sort of memethe situation.

In a way, my goal is to invite the skeptics to laugh with me (about my seemingly obscure food choices); as I try not to appear like I’m wanting to impose my beliefs on the mainstream.

Because, again, in reality, it’s the curious minority of society who I actually am trying to reach, not the majority.

So somehow the supreme irony in all this is that you, my son, have actually photobombed my Internet meme!

I ended up not even using that picture for my “project” after I realized what you did.

Actually, I can’t look at you smiling so proudly in that picture without laughing quietly to myself.

Good job, Son. Well done.

That’s okay…

I got even with you by making a captioned photo of yourchocolate almond milkmustache.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

 

 

 

 

 

No-Bake Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Balls… Jealous Much?

February 7, 2014 at 9:56 pm , by 

3 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

I think I might be over cakes, cupcakes, and cookies, now that Mommy has introduced our family to “no-bake vegan chocolate chip cookie dough balls.”

She found them on a website called, Gluten-Free-Vegan-Girl, which is apparently orchestrated by an 18 year-old girl from Norway.

(That’s the country where your great-grandfather on Mommy’s side was adopted from, by the way.)

So, it’s official: These no-bake vegan chocolate chip cookie dough balls are awesome!

Not only are they pretty easy to make, considering you don’t even cook them, but they taste so good that they are extremely addictive.

However, the ingredients are healthy and simple:

  • 1 cup raw cashews
  • 3/4 cup dates
  • 1 tsp vanilla essence
  • a pinch of maldon salt
  • 1/4 cup chopped 70+% dark vegan chocolate (or use vegan chocolate chips)

So I kind of think these might be our new family favorite treat.

They’re mainly sweetened from the dates and “fattened” by the cashews; which provide less than 1% of the daily recommended amount of cholesterol.

Remember my theory on consuming more than 0% but less than 1% cholesterol?

“Being a vegan means your cholesterol intake is more than 0% (from good fats, like avocados, cashews, coconuts, sunflower seeds, chia seeds, etc.) but less than 1% (because of no animal fats). I think part of the reason vegans feel so much better after nixing animals products is because they are no longer experiencing another living (at one time) animal’s cholesterol and fat running through their veins.”

Like most food that Mommy and I approve of for our family, these no-bake vegan chocolate chip cookie dough balls are better when made by us… not bought pre-made and packaged from a store.

Having a fun (and delicious!) recipe like this makes it even more fun and special to be a plant-based family. Like I’ve said before, it’s not about what we can’t eat, but about what we can!

We get to enjoy this secret dessert snack recipe that hardly anybody else knows about. It’s not the kind of thing a person would normally think to make or eat, but when you rule out animal products from your diet, you (are forced to) discover new foods that you actually like better than what you were eating before.

I’m contrasting this recipe against any token grocery store cake, or boxed cake mix, made with food dye from petroleum and/or bugs, along with a whole paragraph of unpronounceable ingredients.

Yeah, that’s not food.

This is!

I’ll take no-bake vegan chocolate chip cookie dough balls anyday! But, shhhh… we’re adopting them as a secret family recipe now- thanks to an 18 year-old girl in Norway named Solveig Berg Vollan!

 

 

Love,

Daddy

 

P.S. Click right here for the full recipe featured on Gluten-Free-Vegan-Girl!

Or check out other vegan recipe reviews I have written

The Benefits Of Quitting Dairy

February 1, 2014 at 2:36 pm , by 

3 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

Now that I haven’t consumed any dairy products in the past eleven months, it’s simply common knowledge in my mind that the consumption of dairy products led to my former sinus congestion, abundant mucus production, and allergies.

I imagine that other vegans and “non-dairy consumers” already know this as common knowledge too, but unless you’re actually living it, how else would you know?

Granted, I’m no doctor.(That’s a major understatement, by the way!)

However, I did suffer through 22 years straight of, everyday, feeling like I had to blow my nose, but nothing would come out.

I endured 22 years of a couple times each year, getting a sinus infection. Plus, I was extremely allergic to cats.

Then, after only one weekend of cutting out dairy, my sinus problems and allergies cleared up.  Not one time since then has it felt like I needed to blow my nose but nothing would come out.

Also, I no longer itch or sneeze while in the presence of cats- no matter how much I pet them.

I remember how for a week following that fateful weekend where I experimented with giving up dairy, this weird yellow plasma started draining from my nose.

Whatever it was, it was what was keeping my sinus pressure and infections going. It was fed by the intake of dairy products.

And get this- my mucus has only been clear in color since I gave up dairy nearly a year ago; it’s never white or yellow like it used to be- just clear…

Interesting, right?

Not only am I not a doctor, but I’m also not a scientist or animal biologist; yet still, I want to point out a theory I have about dairy products, and I want full credit for it if it ends up being legit…

Milk is a secretion produced by the exocrine system, which also produces mucus. I’ve noticed that sneezing creates mucus, which helps flush outforeign objects from the human body.

So what happens if you consume the secretions (like milk) of the exocrine system of another species?

In my case, the human body tried to reject it- by producing more of its own mucus (frommy exocrine system) to flush out the foreign secretions from the exocrine system of another species.

For me specifically, not only did my body produce a lot more mucus to flush out the milk and cheese and butter I was consuming, but it also went into defense mode by attempting to sort of “lock out” further consumption of dairy products, by producing constant sinus pressure as a warning system to my brain.

It’s like my body knew what my brain didn’t.

Finally, after 22 years of suffering, I watched the right documentaries on Netflix (Forks Over Knives, Hungry For Change, Vegucated, The Beautiful Truth, Dying To Have Known, Supersize Me, and Food, Inc.) and realized that my body is hostile to the secretions of the exocrine system of other species of animals.

And the thing is, I don’t even miss dairy at all. Now that I really know what it is, I’m actually disgusted by it.

As for the nutrients that animals’ milk provides, for the past eleven months, I’ve easily gotten them from plants-  “the Big 6” (vegetables, fruits, grains, beans, nuts, and seeds), to be exact.

Plus, we use Earth Balance butter (made from olives) instead of dairy butter. And when Mommy makes cookies, she uses almond milk and/or applesauce instead of eggs.

Fortunately, you’re not a huge fan of milk anyway. You like “chocolate covered milk,” which is dark chocolate almond milk. (No, you don’t even mind if you have to drink it out of your cousin Calla’s pink princess cup.)

I hope you don’t end up with the same sinus and allergy problems I’ve suffered with for most of my life; up until last year, of course.

However, I believe that avoiding dairy is the key. As you grow older and experience a higher consumption of dairy products, if you choose to, your body will serve as a science project.

Either I will be very right, or very wrong, about my theory of the consumption of dairy products (secretions from the exocrine system of another species).

I just don’t want you to have to suffer like I did. We didn’t have the Internet orNetflix to tell us any different, back when I was growing up.

I was brainwashed to believe that milk actually does a body good. Turns out, it actually did my body worse.

With all that said, decide for yourself.

 

Love,

Daddy