Storytelling

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Why Being An Alabama Football Fan Is Easy (For People Who Like Winning)

September 12, 2012 at 10:31 pm , by 

21 months.

Last week I experienced a huge milestone moment in fatherhood: My son got his first ball!

Well, almost. It was actually his stuffed giraffe toy; but either way, I threw it to him, and he caught it.

This is something I have been practicing with him for months now. Whether it’s a miniature football, soccer ball, tennis ball, or just a cheap inflatable made-in-China ball from the $1.08 bin at Wal-Mart, I throw it to Jack every time we play.

Usually, he just gets hit in the head, or face, or chest, then laughs.

But after throwing all his toy balls at him one right after another, I reached for his toy giraffe, which was the closest toy in reach, and threw it to him like a ball.

And Jack caught it!

I was, and still am, so proud of him. I’m not over it yet. It was as magical as the first time he said “Bye bye Dada.”

Being his athletic mentor is something I’m very excited about.

This past weekend we spent some time in one of the little fenced-in basketball practice courts at our church.

Jack already knew he was supposed to throw the basketball in the hoop as soon as I handed him a ball.

He would run up and stand underneath the net, look up at it, calculate his throw, then throw the ball up at the net.

Granted, the ball only went up in the air about 2 inches each time, but Jack kept trying every time to throw that ball in the hoop.

I admired his heart. It was charming to see.

With all this being said, my family is not actually big into watching sports. However, we know who our team is:

The University of Alabama. Yes, the Crimson Tide.

Sure, I was born and raised in Alabama. Yes, from infancy, my uncle made sure I always had Roll Tide clothing to wear; as he now does with Jack.

But it’s not just because Alabama is my home state or because I was born into a Roll Tide family.

It’s because Alabama is clearly the best college football team.

Sometimes it’s cool to root for the underdog, but when it comes to college football, I’d rather just be a fan of the obvious legendary, champion team instead.

I like how in Jack’s day care center, he and his pal Sophie are the only Alabama fans. (Jack has an Alabama jersey and Sophie has an Alabama cheerleading uniform.

His teachers have (jokingly?) made me aware that they don’t like to see him bring his red cup with the Alabama mascot on it.

They have threatened to replace it with a University of Tennessee one instead.

Could be worse. At least it’s not Auburn.

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Matching Father And Son Mohawks: Uber Stylish This Fall Season!

September 12, 2012 at 12:13 am , by 

21 months. 

Yes, my wife approved.

I’m not exactly sure why she did, especially without any hesitation, but needless to say, she now has a mohawked husband and toddler son; for no good reason.

Our ‘hawks go all the way down in the back, to a point. No sissy “faux hawk” stuff here for this father and son duo.

We mean serious business these days.

Jack and I are surely only the first of many to support the matching “soccer mohawk” this fall season:

A 3 guard on the sides blended into about an inch and a half on top.

It’s subtle enough for people at work (yes, I work a “real job” in an office besides writing The Dadabase) to ask: “Wait, do you have a mohawk?

This is usually followed by a 4 second delay, and then:

“Why?”

If that question has a valid answer, it would be that I wanted to have the same kick-awesome haircut as my son.

He and I never keep the same hairstyle as the haircut before, yet we always seem to have the same hairstyle as each other.

A mohawk should be no exception.

Plus, I wanted to spread “Matching Father And Son Mohawk Awareness.”

But instead of making a special ribbon magnet for the car, fathers and sons just have get matching mohawks to prove they mean it in their hearts.

It’s a movement I can get behind.

So much for my son not looking like me. We are now like Spike and Tyke, the father and son bulldog duo from Tom and Jerry.

Okay, fellow dads with a son: Now is your chance to finally have that mohawk you always wanted.

Just send your wife a link to this blog and show her the proof of what is normal and acceptable in the culture of modern American fatherhood.

My wife let Great Clips do this to her husband and son. There is hope for you, my fellow dads.

Fist bump out.

 

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Why It’s Important That Wrestling Is Fake

September 11, 2012 at 8:50 pm , by  21 months. Two Saturday nights ago my wife and I turned on the TV in hopes of a catching a creepy episode of Dateline featuring yet another typical, captivating story where a seemingly normal husband or wife murdered their spouse and tried to cover it up. Instead, we happened to catch the very beginning of Wrestelmania 28, which for some random reason was airing on NBC. And we couldn’t turn it off. We were reeled in by the mini-documentary profiles of both The Rock and John Cena. Before the match began, we were already rooting for John Cena, dressed in his token jean shorts. Yes, professional wrestling is fake. Sorry. No, not every single move is choreographed, but the basics of each match are predetermined, as I assume the wrestlers practice with each other for hours before their televised event. Sure, certain parts of the physical wrestling are real, like slamming each other down on the stage. But if all those “punches” to the face were real, there would obviously be some instant red marks and/or blood to prove it. Why is it important that professional wrestling is fake? Because that’s what draws a crowd. People love exciting entertainment, even when they know it’s over the top and less than realistic. (Ever heard of a show on TLC called Here Comes Honey Boo Boo?) This concept was also part of the story lines to boxing movies like Cinderella Man and Rocky, where the fight planners and promoters acknowledged the need for not only an underdog the people would root for, but also the need for a good long fight. That’s not to say that Mike Tyson biting off Evander Holyfield’s ear wasn’t exciting, but there’s only so many times fighters can bite off their opponent’s body parts before it hurts the integrity of the sport. Therefore, professional wrestling is fake. It’s much safer that way; not only for the well-being of the wrestlers, but also for the faithfulness of the spectators. My 21 month-old son is at least subconsciously aware of this fact, too. On a daily basis, we wrestle in our living room. And every weekend, at the park. He knows I won’t actually hurt him, yet he screams as I straddle him like a hungry lion tearing into a delicious zebra. All of my growling and barking and shouting “Jack, come back here!” as I chase him across the room has to be perceived to him like being in the middle of a WWE wrestling match. Even my toddler knows that wrestling is fake. But that doesn’t make it any less entertaining.

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Silly Parents, Thomas The Train Rides Are For Kids!

September 9, 2012 at 11:10 am , by 

21 months.

Yesterday we took our toddler son Jack to the Day Out With Thomas the Train 2012 Mystery On The Rails Tour. As the parents, we had these (unrealistic) expectations of what it would be like:

Each train car would be an actual character from the TV show and we would travel through the best scenery of our city.

Instead, we boarded a normal, regular-looking 1950’s train car and traveled 12 minutes forward at about 15 miles per hour, then backtracked in reverse to where we started from.

The scenery included a parking lot of school buses, a dumping zone, and the graffiti underneath the main bridge.

And that’s if you were sitting on the right side of the train; if you were sitting on the left aisle, you got to see a brick wall for most of the ride.

It cost a total of about 43 bucks for our family of 3 to take this excursion. Granted, there were other Thomas the Train themed activities after the ride ended; like getting free temporary tattoos, visiting a miniature petting zoo, and story time.

However, the rain put a bit of a damper on most of that for us.

So maybe our expectations as parents weren’t exactly met. But when I looked over at Jack, he was totally enthralled by all the excitement.

His face was pressed against the glass of the window most of the time. He never cried nor got antsy. And for a toddler boy, that’s saying a lot!

Not all parents were as lucky as we were.

I saw plenty of fellow dads doing their best to contain their crying sons who couldn’t sit still for the event, or whose sons were even afraid to enter the train at all.

But our child was happy. As his parents, we were just along for the ride. Honestly, isn’t that a good way to sum up parenthood?

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What If Adults Were Forced To Apologize Like Children Are?

August 28, 2012 at 11:09 pm , by 

21 months.

My wife and I are having to daily remind our son Jack that hitting us is not something he is allowed to do. We offer him an alternative, which is petting us like a dog or cat, instead.

Yeah, I know, it sounds goofy but so far it’s helping him understand the difference between being friendly and being offensive.

Every time he does hit us or bite us, we put him in time-out upstairs in his jail cell, I mean bed, and after we remind him of why he was being punished, we make him apologize to the parent he physically attacked.

“Soddy.”

That’s his version of “I’m sorry” and we always gladly accept it. We force him to apologize to help him realize that he must be held accountable for his actions when he hurts others. It’s important that we lay that foundation now.

However, there is a downside to being taught to apologize to a person when you hurt or offend them: You may grow up to become an adult who believes you can’t forgive someone until they apologize to you first.

Two weeks ago I published “The Difference Between Punishing And Disciplining My Child” which explored the stark difference of how we discipline our children in hopes of making them better people, meanwhile we privately or publicly wish harm upon our enemies.

It’s easier to wish ill upon them, as opposed to honestly wanting them to change their ways.

So today I share with you the sequel to that thought:

What if adults were forced to apologize like children are?

More importantly is this question: Do you personally require offenders to apologize to you before you can allow yourself to forgive them?

Last Friday night on 20/20 I watched the 2 hour Diane Sawyer interview with Jaycee Dugard.

I was humbled by the way Jaycee was able to forgive her captors, recognizing that by becoming bitter and requiring their apology to move on would mean that she is continuing to give them power of her even though she has been freed from her captivity and torture.

Despite all they took from her, she now refuses to allow them to take away anything more. But it took forgiving them to be at that point.

It’s safe to say that the majority of us have never experienced anywhere near the level of hell that Jaycee Dugard did during her 18 years of captivity.

Yet she chose to forgive and finds liberty in it.

Yes, I will continue to force my nearly 2 year-old son to apologize when he bites me on the shoulder like a rabid wolf.

But as he grows older and is able to understand, I will also teach him that being apologized to is not a prerequisite to being able to forgive a person. Apologizing is what good people do once they realize they’ve done something wrong.

So it should be no surprise when bad people don’t apologize.