You Don’t Know What You’ve Got ‘Til It’s Gone

September 12, 2013 at 9:46 pm , by 

2 years, 9 month.

Dear Jack,

They say that you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone- that it’s easier to take good things for granted when you’re accustomed to them always being there.

Whoever “they” are, I think they make a good point about life.

I don’t want this to be the case with you. I don’t want to take you for granted.

This may sound morbid, but sporadically, I go to a very dark place in my mind, and imagine what life would be like if, suddenly, you weren’t here anymore.

I do believe in a literal hell. And for me, the dark and desperately lonely place in my mind of a life without you in it, is as close to the literal hell as I ever plan to be.

Yet I force myself to go there. I think it’s important for me to go through that mental and psychological exercise.

It’s almost as if I’m subconciously trying to jinx ever losing you, by doing this. It’s my way of feeling I can control the situation.

Though I know I can’t.

I realize it’s not that easy. I realize it’s not up to me; that every day you’re here is a gift from God.

Maybe this helps me understand why I like the movie, Vanilla Sky, with Tom Cruise, so much. Every time I watch it, I have this greater appreciation for my life being how it is right now.

It’s not tainted or maimed by some big tragedy. By now, I’ve finally had some events in my life that have scarred me a bit, but they haven’t cast a forever shadow like losing you would do.

There is more than one way to say, “I love you.”

I hope you can see that all this is just another weird way to say it.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

The Hunt For A Pink Hummer (As Opposed To Red October)

How Great Thou Artwork From School

2 years, 9 months.

Dear Jack,

Our fridge never ceases to be covered in at least a few of your artwork pieces from school.

I especially love this “frame in frame” piece which features a picture of you (not smiling) fingerpainting for the first time, superimposed over your actual finished product.

It’s modern, yet sophisticated.

Even if it’s by accident, I like the little smiley face you did in the upper right hand corner.

And the look on your face… you seem like a confused artist who was just interrupted in the middle of his work- which I guess that’s probably exactly what happened.

While I do totally appreciate your artistic skills, what I might love even more are the titles you give your work.

I know that throughout history, art has captured what people and their cultures find value in. So I assume the same is for you.

That would explain why this picture you entitledBulldozer recently showed up.

Because you’re forced to be exposed to hundreds of cars on the way to school every morning during our hour drive, you’ve become very familiar with all the types of vehicles you see.

Your newest learned vehicle: the FJ Cruiser.

Another one of my favorites of your recent artwork pieces is one you named Monster Trucks and Baby Trucks.

Granted, it very much resembled Bulldozer.

But to you, it was clear that those scribbles and dots represented different sized pick-up trucks.

One that’s currently being featured on our fridge is one you called Diamonds.

It has a bunch of black dots all over it. I’m pretty sure you think stars are called diamonds, because of the song, “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.”

“Like that diamond in the sky,” as you sing it.

I love this stuff. You’re not too young to be an artist. This is where it begins.

You already are an artist.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

The 2 Car Garage Up My Son’s Shorts

We Never Have Visitors Or House Guests Over Anymore

September 3, 2013 at 11:20 pm , by 

2 years, 9 months.

Dear Jack,

It wasn’t until my parents left our house for Labor Day weekend that I realized something:

We never have guests at our house anymore! At least, not since you were born nearly three years ago.

Earlier in the summer, your best friend Sophie spent the afternoon with us while her parents were at a wedding.

And before that, other than family…

Well over a year ago your friend Henry and his parents stopped by for the afternoon.

Other than that, though… there is no other than that.

I just never thought about it before, but a whole lot goes in to having people over at our house.

Food, entertainment, corresponding schedules with the guests, your nap schedule, your lunch and dinner schedule…

It’s just easier for us to meet people we know outside of our house. At places where we don’t have to think or plan or prepare.

We want to be hospitable. We want to be the cool family who invites people over for shindigs.

But honestly, I think a lot of people wish that. At least, it seems like that on House Hunters on HGTV. They’re always interested in finding a house with “entertaining space” because they “love to entertain guests.”

I question that they really get to throw that many parties.

Or maybe it’s just our family. Maybe we’re so far removed from that reality.

Not to mention, we live in a townhouse.

So really, now is just not the time for us to have people over very often. One day, when you get older. One day, when we move into a bigger house. One day, when it actually concerns me that hardly anyone other than you, Mommy, or me ever walks through the front door.

As for now, you’re just stuck in this house with your parents as company. Good thing you love us.

 

Love,

Daddy