Storytelling

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Taking My Kid To Downtown Nashville For The 1st Time

April 10, 2014 at 10:53 pm , by 

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My Son Is Becoming Friends With Boys

April 10, 2014 at 8:46 pm , by 

3 years, 4 months.

Dear Jack,

Since your first and best friend, Sophie, moved away in February, you have by default been put in situation where you are becoming friends with other boys.

Up until now, the way it’s worked out is that the kids in your class at school who are closest to you in age are girls- so that’s why you have been more prone to hang out with girls, instead of boys, outside of school.

But now that Sophie is no longer attending your school with you, I’m pleasantly surprised to see you talking to and playing alongside boys when I pick you up from school each day.

There’s even a picture at your school of you and a boy named Alex. The two of you posed arm in arm on Western day for your teacher.

That’s not a side of you I’ve seen much of.

I am very excited by the thought of you having a regular “outside of school” friend that is a boy.

This is because I recognize the importance of having friends of the same gender, not just the opposite.

I remember one of my 1st friends like that in preschool- his name is Russell McElhaney. I still remember that he was my first friend that was a boy. I remember “outside of school” activities with him, like going to each other’s houses to play with He-Man action figures.

In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve never really written a letter to you that tells a story about you and one of your friends who is a boy.

I predict within the next year you’ll have a friend here in Nashville who you are close enough to that they do indeed end up in a story.

As for now, my next letter is about you going to downtown Nashville, arm in arm between two girls from school.

 

Love,

Daddy

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Is Spanking Actually More Effective Than The Alternative?

April 9, 2014 at 9:15 pm , by 

3 years, 4 months.

Dear Jack,

I try not to make a big deal about it, but we don’t spank you. However, I’ve mentioned before that until you were born, I was “pro-spanking”.

That changed when you were born, but not because “I didn’t have it in me” to spank you.

Instead, it was because as I’ve been comparing you to other kids your age, I clearly see that you are no worse behaved than those who are spanked.

I just don’t see the benefit of spanking a child, as compared to a child who is disciplined the way I try (!) to discipline  you:

Setting clear expectations to begin with, consistently following through with time-outs, calmly (yet assertively) explain why the punishment occurred, as well as how it can be prevented next time.

I realize now that it’s the lack of discipline that concerns me. That’s why I am very serious about making sure you are effectively and consistently disciplined.

However, I don’t have a problem with other parents spanking their kids, because that’s none of my business. I’m a Libertarian, after all. (Though I would become the Incredible Hulk if I ever found out any other adult, like a teacher, ever spanked you!)

But for me personally, I don’t see how spanking is any more effective than the way I have always tried to discipline you.

In fact, Richard Rende, PhD, who is an associate professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown Medical School and Buter Hospital and a blogger at Red Hot Parenting, cleverly put it this way in his article, Spanking Doesn’t Work:

 ”Let’s keep in mind here the argument for spanking – it’s purported to improve children’s behavior. Studies continue to demonstrate that it does not do this, and in fact often predicts worse behavior. So despite the personal stories and folklore about how a good spanking can change a kid, each empirical study that comes out suggests that it changes a kid for the worse, not better.

If these stories ring true, why don’t we see huge positive effects of spanking when we study kids over time?”

I’m not saying that I’m the best example of a parent… and I really don’t know who is. With that being said, I have to admit, you’re not a kid who gets into trouble.

You’re a 3 year-old. A lot of your issues are based on me not getting you home in time for your afternoon nap.

I have never spanked you and I never plan to. (Plus, Mommy wouldn’t let me even if I wanted to.)

More than anything, I believe in doing what is most effective. Therefore, I discipline you without spanking you… because that’s what’s right for our family’s culture and communication style.

Discipline without spanking is not right or effective for all families, but it is for us.

Love, Daddy

P.S. This video explains 5 alternatives to spanking that Mommy and I try to apply:

1. Ignore attention-seeking behavior.

2. Pay attention to good behavior.

3. Redirect your child.

4. Teach consequences that make sense.

5. Use time-outs for serious offenses.

Discipline Without Spanking
Discipline Without Spanking

 

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I Actually Like Buying Groceries With My Kid

April 7, 2014 at 8:24 pm , by 

3 years, 4 months.

Dear Jack,

With Mommy and I both working full-time, it’s a fact that as a family, we are constantly running short on quality time for the three of us together.

So even though it would be more efficient for Mommy just to go buy groceries by herself on Saturday mornings while we stay home, we instead have made it a family routine that we all go to there together.

I have learned that quality family time isn’t always automatic; it’s often something we have to create.

Granted, buying groceries is not necessarily the most stress-free thing to involve a 3 year-old. But finally, it’s gotten to a point where I feel it really is quality family time for us… largely in part because our Whole Foods in Nashville recently purchased about a dozen kid-sized shopping carts.

On the car ride there each Saturday morning, you and Mommy read stories in the back seat while I drive.

Then once we get there, you grab a kid-sized cart and literally help me buy my specific items, like my Synergy brand Kombucha (a source of Vitamin B12 for vegans) and my bottle of balsamic vinegar (I avoid eating oils for salad dressing).

It’s a lot of fun for you and me both. You actually are quite helpful to me- you take the job seriously.

You don’t make a joke of the task. It’s not like you’re running around, crashing the cart into fruit stands. You’ve never tipped over the cart or made a mess of any kind while pushing that little cart.

Then, after we’ve collected my stash, we always have a father-and-son breakfast in the Whole Foods café; which is our version of going out to eat, since most restaurants are not very enticing to plant-based families like us.

By the time we’re finished with our vegan bars and coconut water, Mommy is finished with the rest of the shopping.

What’s not to like? It has become good quality family time for us.

Of course, that kid-sized shopping cart has a lot to do with that. It gives you a purpose and transforms you into Daddy’s little helper, while Mommy has time to do the hard work.  So that way everybody’s happy, even at the grocery store.

Love,

Daddy

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Today Is April Fools’ Day And I’m Not Even Kidding… Seriously

April 1, 2014 at 5:48 am , by 

3 years, 4 months.

Dear Jack,

For the past two April Fools’ Days in which I’ve been writing to you, I have participated in the tradition of trying to be tricky.

Back when you were 1, I pretended like I was trying to get you on the TLC show, Toddlers And Tiaras.

Last year when you were 2, I acted like we were going to stop being a “plant-based” family.

What I learned from the past two years is that unfortunately, most people took me too seriously. So in essence, it wasn’t funny.

That was supposed to be the point, to be funny by tricking people, yet it wasn’t really fun… to confuse so many people like that.

So this year, I’m not trying to be funny or trick anyone.

Instead, I’m the guy that’s giving out a “courtesy reminder” to everyone I know to expect April Fools’ pranks from everyone else:

Courtesy reminder: It’s April Fools’ Day.

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The interesting thing is, more people thought that me warning everyone of April Fools’ Day pranks was funnier than the actual pranks that were meant to be funny the past couple of years.

In other words, sometimes it’s easier to be funny when you’re not actually trying to be. I think you can relate.

Well, at least some of the time, you can relate.

You’re at a point now where it’s getting difficult to know when you’re trying to be funny and when you’re funny without realizing it.

Like this past weekend as I sat you down on a clothing shelf at the Gap outlet while I looked at pants. You stood up, seeing the mannequin above you, stook out your hand, and asked, “How do you do?”

And on the way home from school last week, after we passed a few farms on the road back to our house, you decided, “Daddy, I want a horse and a donkey. Then if the donkey runs away, I can ride the horse and go find the donkey.”

The funny thing is, Mommy coincidentally bought you a “free horse riding lesson” Groupon the same day.

Now that’s funny. Or is it?

 

Love,

Daddy