April 9, 2014 at 9:15 pm , by Nick Shell
3 years, 4 months.
I try not to make a big deal about it, but we don’t spank you. However, I’ve mentioned before that until you were born, I was “pro-spanking”.
That changed when you were born, but not because “I didn’t have it in me” to spank you.
Instead, it was because as I’ve been comparing you to other kids your age, I clearly see that you are no worse behaved than those who are spanked.
I just don’t see the benefit of spanking a child, as compared to a child who is disciplined the way I try (!) to discipline you:
Setting clear expectations to begin with, consistently following through with time-outs, calmly (yet assertively) explain why the punishment occurred, as well as how it can be prevented next time.
I realize now that it’s the lack of discipline that concerns me. That’s why I am very serious about making sure you are effectively and consistently disciplined.
However, I don’t have a problem with other parents spanking their kids, because that’s none of my business. I’m a Libertarian, after all. (Though I would become the Incredible Hulk if I ever found out any other adult, like a teacher, ever spanked you!)
But for me personally, I don’t see how spanking is any more effective than the way I have always tried to discipline you.
In fact, Richard Rende, PhD, who is an associate professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown Medical School and Buter Hospital and a blogger at Red Hot Parenting, cleverly put it this way in his article, Spanking Doesn’t Work:
”Let’s keep in mind here the argument for spanking – it’s purported to improve children’s behavior. Studies continue to demonstrate that it does not do this, and in fact often predicts worse behavior. So despite the personal stories and folklore about how a good spanking can change a kid, each empirical study that comes out suggests that it changes a kid for the worse, not better.
If these stories ring true, why don’t we see huge positive effects of spanking when we study kids over time?”
I’m not saying that I’m the best example of a parent… and I really don’t know who is. With that being said, I have to admit, you’re not a kid who gets into trouble.
You’re a 3 year-old. A lot of your issues are based on me not getting you home in time for your afternoon nap.
I have never spanked you and I never plan to. (Plus, Mommy wouldn’t let me even if I wanted to.)
More than anything, I believe in doing what is most effective. Therefore, I discipline you without spanking you… because that’s what’s right for our family’s culture and communication style.
Discipline without spanking is not right or effective for all families, but it is for us.
P.S. This video explains 5 alternatives to spanking that Mommy and I try to apply:
1. Ignore attention-seeking behavior.
2. Pay attention to good behavior.
3. Redirect your child.
4. Teach consequences that make sense.
5. Use time-outs for serious offenses.Discipline Without Spanking