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My Son Talks To Strangers, Part 3: The Kohl’s Incident

March 24, 2014 at 8:04 pm , by 

3 years, 4 months.

Continued from Part 2: The Talking Dog.

Dear Jack,

I remember a few months back, I read an article on Parents.comthat said one of the best ways to handle a child who is having a meltdown is todistract them.

So that’s exactly what I did this past weekend when we were at Kohl’s.

You were checking out the toys and came across a track for your Monster Jam trucks.

After asking both Mommy and me separately if you could get it, and we both individually told you maybe for your birthday (in November), you decided to ask a lady that works at Kohl’s.

She jokingly said yes.

Let’s just say you had a difficult time accepting the fact that a stranger’s confirmation on a $30 toy does not override your parents’ decision.

The story continues with me carrying you out, from the very back corner of the store and you crying loudly the whole time.

Fortunately, fate would have it that right next to Kohl’s, there just so happened to be a construction crew, building… something.

It doesn’t matter what it was, though I will say it reminded me of Level 8-3 of Super Mario Bros.

What does matter is that it was solid entertainment for you: a cement mixer, a crane, ladders, men in construction hats, smoke and dust.

You stood on the light pole (with me a couple feet behind you) in reverence of the real life Bob the Builder event happening right before your eyes.

My plan had worked, much better than I anticipated, actually.

Shortly afterwards, Mommy walked out of Kohl’s and met us in the parking lot, then we drove around the corner to Whole Foods to buy groceries.

I knew it wouldn’t be a good idea for you, having just had a meltdown, to be placed in a shopping cart in a grocery store.

So Mommy suggested you and I grab lunch while she shopped in the other side of the store.

Another miracle, from my fatherly perspective at least, was that there were some musicians performing there right next to our table in the Whole Foods cafe.

(Well, I guess it wasn’t that much of a miracle; after all, we do live in Nashville.)

I was able to teach you how to clap after each song ended.

That article on Parents.com (“10 Ways To Handle Your Kid’s Tantrums“) was right- the art of distraction really goes a long way. Fortunately, this past weekend, there was a lot to distract you.

All because I’ve taught you to talk to strangers.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

P.S. Read the entire Talking To Strangers series:

 Part 1: The Dishwasher Man

Part 2: The Talking Dog

Part 3: The Kohl’s Incident

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My Son Talks To Strangers, Part 2: The Talking Dog

March 24, 2014 at 7:57 pm , by 

3 years, 4 months.

Continued from Part 1: The Dishwasher Man.

Dear Jack,

We were at the toy store this past Saturday, just looking, while Mommy was at the Lifeway Christian store. As we were browsing through the Disney’s Cars aisle, we saw a grandmother, mother, and young son; I could tell they were on a mission.

“Is there a certain one you’re looking for?” I asked them, out of nowhere.

I ended up sending them across the street to Target, where I explained they were more likely to find the “Sally” car for a lower price; based on my experience of Christmas present shopping for you.

Then Saturday afternoon as we were on a family walk in the neighborhood and a lady with a dog  was coming towards us, I announced to you that the nice lady had atalking dog.

I spoke with a deep, New York accent and pretended to be the dog, saying, “Hey Jack, do you like dogs?”

Yep, I carried on a 30 second conversation with you, as a dog; while both Mommy and the dog’s owner just smiled at each other at first.

Fun for us, slightly awkward for them. But it did lead to a real, actual conversation betwen Mommy and the dog’s owner.

Even just now as I’m writing this, Mommy proclaimed to me, “You definitely talk to random strangers more than anyone else I’ve ever met in my life.”

Thinking back, I would say the same thing about my Italian grandfather, “Paw Paw Metallo.”

So yeah, I learned it from him and I’m teaching that skill to you.

Granted, I only want you talking to strangers when I’m there too, for now. But I think that talking to strangers is a really good and important thing.

You never know when you can really make someone’s day. My suggestion is to stay away from generic conversation topics like the weather and “how are you?” as they tend to be pretty impersonal.

I think you did a great job this past weekend when you talked to the dishwasher man. I also liked how you also recently told your new gymnastics teacher, in the middle of the class, that you have a blue Cheetah named Cheety.

Yes, personality is part of it, but the main thing is, you find a way to get the conversation going. My experience is that people like that.

Even though you may be a complete stranger to them, I’ve learned most people appreciate the engagement, in what might otherwise be an ordinary day.

It’s important for fathers to teach and pass on skills to their sons. Since installing a new dishwasher or doing auto repairs will never be things I am knowledgeable enough to teach you about, I can teach you to talk to strangers.

And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

P.S. Read the entire Talking To Strangers series:

 Part 1: The Dishwasher Man

Part 2: The Talking Dog

Part 3: The Kohl’s Incident

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What Scientifically Makes Kids Happy, Part 3: Love From Dad

March 21, 2014 at 9:11 pm , by 

3 years, 4 months.

Continued from Part 1: Optimism and Part 2: Less TV Time.

Dear Jack,

In the past two letters, I shared with you what makes kids happy, from a scientific viewpoint. I’ve really enjoyed learning about this stuff.

Today’s letter is obviously particularly relevant to you and me.

I will admit, if this information weren’t scientifically backed up, what I am about to say might sound totally biased, but I read all about it an article inLiveScience, as well as seeing it referenced in “The Science Of Raising Happy Kids” infographic at the bottom of this page:

“Feeling loved by dad was even more important for kids’ wellbeing, happiness, and life satisfaction than feeling loved by Mom.

The most effective dads listen to their kids, have a close relationship with them, set appropriate rules, and give freedom when it makes sense.”

Maybe I’m alone here on this, but there are certain days when I feel like I don’t really matter so much; that I’m a chauffer and a dishwasher… like I’m a stage hand.

Your emotional attachment to Mommy is so obvious. As for your emotional attachment to me, the dad… not quite as obvious.

For most of my life I had functioned in a way that I needed confirmation that I was doing things right in order to feel confident.

However, I’m past that point in my life. That started changing about the time I got a real job… but even more so once I became your daddy.

But obviously, it’s still encouraging to learn that you feeling loved by me is an important of your wellbeing, happiness and life satisfaction.

It helps me to be more positive of a person, which is something I’m working on, to know that the things I already do (listen to you, have a close relationship with you, set appropriate rules, and give you freedom when it makes sense) are actually paying off.

Hey, I won’t argue with science.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Infographic featured courtesy of Happify:

Read the entire What Makes Kids Scientifically Happy series:

 Part 1: Optimism

 Part 2: Less TV Time

Part 3: Love From Dad

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What Scientifically Makes Kids Happy, Part 2: Less TV Time

March 19, 2014 at 11:01 pm , by 

3 years, 4 months.

Continued from Part 1: Optimism.

Dear Jack,

Every parent has their own set of subconscious rules that they personally are sensitive to, while other parents may not be as concerned.

Something in particular that I personally am very strict about is your TV time.

My stance was always that I didn’t want you really watching any TV until you were 2 years old, as I believe it interferes with personality development and attention span.

However, you’ve been older than 2 for nearly a year and a half now…

I actually enjoy the fact you are now old enough to legitimately watch TV, per my blessings.

However, I didn’t know what the official cut-off point should be. I just knew it bothered me for the TV to be on in the background all day (because I believe the studies that show that excessive TV time is linked to lowering a child’s IQ), and/or for you to watch more than one movie on the same day.

Well, now, thanks to a recent study from the Center for Research in Environmental Epidemiology, in Barcelona; the “official cut-off point” is 90 minutes a day of TV:

“For the study, Marinelli’s team questioned parents of slightly more than 1,700 preschool and school-aged children about the time their kids spent watching TV and sleeping (including napping) each day. The preschoolers were 2 and 4 years old at the study’s start, the others were 6 and 9.

The researchers found that children who watched TV for 1.5 hours or more a day slept less than kids with less TV time. And as viewing time increased to more than 1.5 hours a day, sleep declined even more.”

More than 90 minutes of TV equals less quality sleep time. I buy into it.

For me, this “90 minute rule” is something I plan on taking seriously from here on out.

The studies featured in the infographic ”The Science Of Raising Happy Kids” point to this concept as well, claiming that teens show higher signs of depression for every extra hour of TV they watch.

In essence, your sense of well-being is and will be affected by how much TV that I let you watch each day.

The biggest temptation is on the weekends. It’s easy a lot of the times to have the TV on in the midst of all that we have to get done.

We really do try to get you outdoors as long as weather permits- but when we don’t… Netflix always has something you’ll like.

(I wonder if anyone else besides our family has memorized the theme song ofTrotro?)

But again, I like the “90 Minute Rule.” It keeps things simple for me. I like having structure like that.

With being your dad, I don’t exactly have a set of rules to go by. This helps.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

Infographic featured courtesy of Happify:

Read the entire What Makes Kids Scientifically Happy series:

 Part 1: Optimism

 Part 2: Less TV Time

Part 3: Love From Dad

Leave a comment Posted on parenting, Storytelling

What Scientifically Makes Kids Happy, Part 1: Optimism

March 18, 2014 at 11:19 pm , by 

3 years, 4 months.

Dear Jack,

As I was driving you to school one day last week, a lady in an SUV was driving towards us in the opposing lane. I saw her smile at us, just in a friendly way as if to say “good morning” to random strangers, so I smiled back.

But as she got closer to us, I realized she was only squinting at the sun.

It didn’t make a difference though. I had already received a feeling of “the world is a good place” from her because I perceived that another human being was making an attempt to brighten my day.

I think that was around last Thursday- and it’s weird, because since then, I have been making a more conscious effort of being more of a giver and less of a jaded critic… or as Gandhi put it:

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Yeah, I’ve seriously been trying to do that. I’m beginning to be the guy at work who is going around sincerely asking people how they are doing and asking about what’s new in their lives- with no intention to tell them anything about myself.

I’m remembering to smile even when no one is looking, but especially when people are looking. I’m reminding myself that “being nice” is more than just not being rude; it’s going out of my way to positively affect other people by actions and attitude.

What if I’m the best news that happens to them all day?

Before, I basically just said hi and kept walking.

It just so happens that a few days ago I came across this infographic (featured below) called “The Science Of Raising Happy Kids,” which explains a lot of cool things, some of which I’ll be talking about soon.

As for today, though; one of those things is the importance of a parent being an example of optimism to their kids.

Whether or not you end up having a sunny outlook in life is actually determined in part by how you see me, your parent, react to things beyond my control.

Oops.

You live with me. In theory, you may even know me better than I know myself.

So you have been a witness to my streaks of pessimism, which can have an effect on you. This is me beginning to make a deliberate effort from here on out to be more optimistic.

Because I’m seeing now it actually matters scientifically, according to the studies this infographic is based on.

I needed to be reminded of that. Perfect timing.

This is me trying to be the change I wish to see in the world. I am more likely to be an example of optimism to you if I’m already that way to everyone else in my life anyway.

So much for the glass being half full. I say, “Hey, it’s totally full.”

It’s full of chocolate almond milk, just the kind you like. Even when you’re being a slightly sneaky little rascal!

 

Love,

Daddy

 

To be continued… See Part 2: Less TV Time.

 

Infographic featured courtesy of Happify:

 

Read the entire What Makes Kids Scientifically Happy series:

 Part 1: Optimism

 Part 2: Less TV Time

Part 3: Love From Dad