Spirituality

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The Real Threat To The Sanctity Of Marriage

May 11, 2012 at 9:31 pm , by 

17 months.

I don’t feel threatened by how the government defines marriage because I firmly believe in the importance of separating church and state. Do certain conservative believers in the Christian god have exclusiveness over the right to marriage, as recognized by the American government? If so, then it’s time to start converting any non-Christian couples before they wed. There is marriage as recognized by the nation I am a citizen of; then there is marriage as recognized by the particular religious faith I belong to. Two separate things… and the first one is not something I’m too concerned with. Though it makes me feel good that my wife took my last name. It’s actually pretty funny to me when the same people who complain about the Ten Commandments not being displayed in government buildings can not even name all ten of the commandments. And I always think it’s ridiculous when I hear that “they took prayer out of schools.” No. No they didn’t. (I’m assuming “they” is referring to Communists and this is the year 1985?) As the dad of a toddler and the husband of a Christian woman, I pray while holding them both each morning before we go our separate ways for the day. When my son Jack goes to his daycare, I don’t expect them to have prayer for him there. If I want to teach my son to pray or to learn the Ten Commandments, then it’s my responsibility as his dad to teach him in my home. I laughed pretty hard recently when I heard a guy complaining about the Presidential support of “legalizing gay marriage,” saying that it threatens the sanctity of marriage and the future of America. The most obvious reason his viewpoint was invalid is because he unashamedly admits to watching pornography regularly and says there’s nothing wrong with flirting with other women in bars because at the end of the night he’s not going home with them, he’s going home to his wife. Here’s what I know: I’m protecting the sanctity of my marriage by loving my wife the best way I know how. That includes not coveting other women, keeping strong and open communication with my wife, spending quality time with her, and being the best dad I can be to our son. Oh, and prayer, too. But not the kind endorsed by the government… because, you know, the government took away prayer from us. Here’s the video I stole from a friend on Facebook that inspired this article. Now handing the mic to Julie Borowski:

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My “Greatest Hits” List of Parenthood, So Far

May 1, 2012 at 11:52 pm , by 

17 months.

My wife and I can’t relate to the concept of “trying” to have kids.

At the very beginning of 2010, we decided that we might consider starting our family around November of that year. Instead, our son Jack was born, not conceived, in November 2010.

(I’ll spare you the mysterious details on how exactly that happened ahead of schedule.)

Meanwhile, our very good friends Dave and Karen were living the opposite version of that story. For Christmas 2009, Dave told Karen that all he wanted for Christmas was to be a dad. Accordingly, she very much wanted to start having children as well.

But it hasn’t been easy. They have done everything in their power to get pregnant; from cutting edge new technology to alternative medicine. None of it has been effective.

I know it’s been an emotional journey for them. If there has been one thing Jill and I have prayed more for on a daily basis, it has been for Dave and Karen to be able to have a child.

When I think of the biggest-hearted people in my life, they both instantly come to mind.

In fact, they took us into their home twice (a total of over 6 months) as we were moving to Alabama and then again when we moved back to Nashville. Interestingly, when we brought Jack “home” from the hospital, it was their house we came back to. (In the picture above, they are holding the newborn Jack.)

They have sacrificed greatly for us; amidst the ease of us being able to have a child.

And this whole time, they’ve acted as if it was their privilege to do so.

Dave and Karen recently returned from a 2 week in vitro fertilization session in Colorado. We didn’t ask them about it because we knew they would let us know if it was successful.

Yesterday my wife Jill saw that she had missed a call from Karen. This video that Karen posted on her Facebook wall pretty much sums it all up:

It just so happened they we found out their wonderful news as we were watching a Season 3 episode of Lostcalled “Greatest Hits” where Charlie learns how and when he will die; he must sacrifice his life so that his girlfriend and her son can be rescued from the island.

In the hours leading up to his death, he writes out a greatest hits list of his entire life to give to his girlfriend for the moment she would learn of his death: The #1 “hit” was when he met her.

So that’s what got me thinking about this “Greatest Hits of Parenthood” list for myself.

My list so far would be A) Jack’s safe arrival into this world, B) the fact that we has blonde-hair and blue eyes though it doesn’t make much sense when you look at his parents, C) how at 15 months he started recognizing me as his dad and choosing to want to hang out with me even if my wife was in the room too, and D) Jack surviving his febrile seizure.

But never in my life have I ever felt so much joy because of a blessing in someone else’s life.

In fact, finding out that Dave and Karen are having a baby is definitely included now on my “greatest hits” list of being a parent.

And now they get to start their own greatest hits…

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These Are The Longest Days And Shortest Years Of Our Lives

May 1, 2012 at 12:09 am , by 

17 months.

The thing I like most about my seven gray hairs is that they stick straight out like a wire, making them effortless to pluck out every 60 days.

Sure, these recently arrived strays are a sign that I’ve lived on this planet for over three decades now. But they also surely serve as proof that I’ve been a parent for nearly a year and a half.

Since becoming a dad, my concept of time has been greatly compromised. Today I had to ask myself what month it is, not knowing if it were summer or fall or winter; as if the Tennessee heat and humidity didn’t give it away. Turns out, it’s spring.

But what’s the difference?

These are the longest days and shortest years of my life. In a sense, I almost don’t even know what that means. But in some simple, clever, yet abstract way, I totally get it.

All I know is I spend most of my hours doing the things that I don’t want to do, so I can afford the few hours of the day (or of the week) doing the things I actually enjoy.

The majority of my hours at my “real job” in an office are spent either finding ways to stay busy so that I don’t realize how bored out of my mind I am, or it’s the exact opposite: I’m “swamped”  and stressed and on top of that, regularly criticized that my work isn’t good enough. (The Dadabase is my 2nd job; not my office job.)

Then let’s consider life when I’m not “working.”

There’s the transporting and taking care of my son, there’s the cleaning up of dishes after dinner, there’s mandatory chill out time  with my wife… which currently means finishing Season 3 of Lost. And there’s catching up with my wife and making sure we have some quality time and conversations aside from our chill out/entertainment time.

Most of my life is spent earning an income. Next is my time with my family; being a dad and a husband. Last and least is the concept of “me time.”

Alongside all this organized chaos is a little blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy who likes to show me his newest magic trick each day; like last week when Jack carefully placed each macaroni shell on his finger like it’s a fingernail, before eating it. (I entitle the picture above “Jack-N-Cheese.”)

He serves as one of the few reminders for me that life is actually moving forward as he’s growing up and becoming more independent everyday. (That’s why each post starts out by telling how old he is.)

Meanwhile, I often feel like I’m just living life in front of a green screen that loops the same tired footage as the day before.

So what can I do? I make as much as I can with what little time I do have to spend with my family and what I enjoy doing; in order feel alive and creative and set apart in this world.

This life can be consuming in its mundaneness; not to mention how hard it is to simply making a living and not worry about how I am going to support my family and myself throughout the future.

What is the meaning of life? To give life meaning.

“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.”

― John Milton, Paradise Lost

 

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Post-Birth Abortion and Infanticide: The Difference Is…

April 18, 2012 at 10:56 pm , by 

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From In Utero Child Abuse To Illegitimate Abortion

February 6, 2012 at 6:15 am , by 

14 months.

“What do you think the consequences should be for a woman who harms her unborn baby by drinking alcohol?”

That is the question a friend from high school recently asked on Facebook. She and her husband adopted a little girl from Russia who suffers from several physical conditions because the birth mom drank alcohol while pregnant.

It’s common knowledge that when an expecting mom drinks alcohol, it greatly puts an unborn baby at risk. Granted, alcohol isn’t the only harmful threat for a child in regards to the pregnant mom’s wreckless behavior.

What about drugs? What about carelessness in general? What consequences are there for those in our society whom we consider to be “unfit mothers?”

It’s not like it’s easy to always pinpoint the “birth defects” of a child on the mother’s bad decisions. After all, not every baby born from a good mother makes it into this world perfectly healthy.

But going back to the topic of pregnant mothers who make destructive decisions, what exactly can we consider to be “child abuse” in the womb? Or as I like to call it: in utero child abuse.

For me, though, I take this topic a level further:

If a mother deliberately harms her fetus with the intent to kill her child, maybe by using a coat hanger, or having someone repeatedly punch her stomach, or even if the mom herself shoots her own stomach with a gun, and the child dies in the womb, is that definitely considered murder?

I realize each state may have its laws regarding this situation, but I’m less concerned with man’s law and more interested to know how our society perceives this within our own moral scope.

When a mother intentionally terminates her pregnancy on her own in some unthinkable way I just named, is that definitely murder?

Or do we deem that as an illegimate version of an abortion?

Image: Pregnant woman holding a cigarette, via Shutterstock.